Resolutions at last

The past weekend we celebrated the lives of my aunt and uncle in Ft. Worth, one week after the reception in Indiana with my maternal relatives and their Indiana friends, of which there were many. As they were not Catholic, the service was not a funeral Mass, but included a lot of singing and music making, a homily by their pastor that included a reading from C. S. Lewis on grief, and reflections from my aunt's brother-in-law who is also a retired pastor.  Over 500 people came - family, friends, former students and athletes, the members of their "share group" - a group of 6 couples they had been meeting weekly with in their homes to share the Gospel and their lives for over 45 years.  They loved and were loved deeply by many people.

Their deaths have me thinking a lot about how I want to live and be remembered. They are a reminder of how selfish and myopic I can be. Yesterday morning, I came across a quote from St. Francis de Sales (it being his feast day) on Amy Welborn's site in which he provides guidance on how to live according to God's will - basically: live our own lives without lusting after other people's lives or wishing for personal happiness and fulfillment.  Be where you are. Avoid disquietude. Just do the next right thing and love others. 

I also listened to the episode on Bible in Year from the Letter of St James that is about how faith without works is dead. This is always convicting to me - I like work! I find "to do" so much easier than "to be" But it also is a reminder that faith must feed those works - am I doing what I do out of love for God and neighbor? 

My aunt and uncle's actions revealed their faith - and their words did, too, They weren't shy about being believers. I mentioned my uncle was a missionary with Christian Sports Outreach International. He was happy to carry on the tradition of preaching started by my grandfather - my other uncle was a pastor of an evangelical church, also, and now his son, my cousin, is a lead pastor, too - the reception in Indiana was held at the big new church where he is leading a community.  Sometimes the question was raised in my family about whether CSOI was focused not on converting nonbelievers to Christianity, but on converting Catholics to Protestantism. No family is without its disagreements and dissensions - and religious and political pluralism is evident in my family. Although this pluralism sometimes caused tensions in my parents' generation, it also was a way for the younger generations to see how people can have different views on important topics, but still love each other. 

These signs are all reminders that one of my resolutions this year needs to be to work on being content where I am, and to live the Gospel here. How can I be the arms and feet of Christ to someone else here?  I've spent an embarrassing amount of time over the last year wishing I were somewhere else, and trying to figure out what to do next.  What I need to do next is simply the next right thing, whether that is the laundry, the dishes, grading, reading, helping someone else, praying, serving.  I keep thinking I need a new job, but maybe I just need to be content with the jobs I have - they are, after all, service jobs. I hope sometimes a poem I share makes a mark on someone, or a conversation in ESL class helps a student make a doctor's appointment or something. I received a nice thank you today from one of my ESL students, and we've only had 2 classes. She has lived in the US for 40 years, but is still self-conscious about her English. 

This has been a resolution before. Obviously, as a spiritual pilgrim, I still have a long way to go.

More practical resolutions: I want to write some handwritten letters this year - I set aside a stack of Christmas cards from people I want to write to - even though I sent them cards, too. This should be an easy one to fulfill. But it also means I need to plan the time. I definitely need to be better about reaching out to others - particularly in my own family.  I have thank you notes sitting her for my parents and in-laws for Christmas - need to get those in the mail! And I have a card for a friend whose birthday is tomorrow. That won't make it in time. But I'll get it in the mail by the end of the week! 

I also have been thinking about inviting people over more this year. We have had those big parties for the team dinners, but we have not been good about developing new friendships with couple friends - this is something I've missed. One reason is because we have traveled more, but also because I have hesitated out of self-doubt. We need new chairs. It was too hot in the summer. I have a lot of excuses. And the truth is, we do spend a lot of time in the car, that eats into the time we have for socializing. Driving and utilities use up my time and money for entertaining. But if I am going to feel rooted here, I need to make some friends. To that effect, I did go out to lunch with some other moms with kids at ND - good food and good conversation. Hungry for more.

I looked back at last years' ideas - I did not make a decision about my future, except that I did not apply for another PhD program. Time is out for that. I keep thinking I'll do more writing, like most bloggers, I suspect, but need to carve out the time for that. Since my teaching load is a little lighter this year, I may try again to set aside 30 minutes a day for working on a project.

I did print out some photos - and put about 75% of them in an album. Almost done with the year 2015. Now to move on to photos from 2016! With the passing of members of the older generation, I realize the family history needs to be preserved - something else to be intentional about. 

Since I'm teaching on Tuesday/Thursday this semester, I can't do my Thursday morning Bible study which was a real boon, so I am hoping our parish has a Lenten reflection series. They have a women's study on Thursday evenings, but they want participants to commit to attendance, and I was going to have to miss too many because of trips. So spiritual reading needs a boost, as I noted in my reading wrap-up. I may just need to assign myself some reading. Or start another book club.

So here's what I have to work on this year: Let go of disquietude/be content about where we live and what I do. Be more attentive to the people around me and lift them up. (Next fall, our sixth child will be a high school senior. Need to make good memories with her this year.) Write letters. Practice hospitality (which means buying new chairs or upholstery fabric!!! a leftover goal from last year. I just can't find what I want...need to settle for good enough).  Maybe read St. Francis de Sales in toto instead of as small quotes here and there. I've started it before. But make a list of spiritual reading. Keep working on photos/family history. Write more. Make memories - go see family and friends.

And of course, drink water, keep trying for 7 hours of sleep, and do more weight lifting to protect my aging bones! My husband and I turn 50 this year! It's a party all year! 

Here is a poem from our new Norton Anthology that my students enjoyed, new to my syllabus - it won't copy, so here's a link.

Poetry Makes Nothing Happen? by Julia Alvarez (2003)

And here is the quote from St. Francis de Sales from Amy Welborn:

We must consider that there is no vocation which has not its irksomenesses, its bitternesses, and disgusts : and what is more, except those who are fully resigned to the will of God, each one would willingly change his condition for that of others : those who are bishops would like not to be ; those who are married would like not to be, and those who are not would like to be.

Whence this general disquietude of souls, if not from a certain dislike of constraint and a perversity of spirit which makes us think that each one is better off than we ?

But all comes to the same: whoever is not fully resigned, let him turn himself here or there, he will never have rest. Those who have fever find no place comfortable ; they have not stayed a quarter of an hour in one bed when they want to be in another ; it is not the bed which is at fault, but the fever which everywhere torments them. A person who has not the fever of self-will is satisfied with everything, provided that God is served. He cares not in what quality God employs him, provided that he does the Divine will. It is all one to him.

But this is not all : we must not only will to do the will of God : but in order to be devout, we must do it gaily.

If I were not a bishop, knowing what I know, I should not wish to be one ; but being one, not only am I obliged to do what this trying vocation requires, but I must do it joyously, and must take pleasure in it and be contented. It is the saying of St. Paul : Let each one stay in his vocation before God. We have not to carry the cross of others, but our own; and that each may carry his own, our Lord wishes him to renounce himself, that is, his own will. I should like this or that, I should be better here or there : those are temptations. Our Lord knows well what he does, let us do what he wills, let us stay where he has placed us.

For this is the Christian life, isn’t it? That balance between acceptance, finding God in the present moment, but also being willing to follow him to where he calls.

Persevere in thoroughly conquering yourself in these small daily contradictions you receive ; make the bulk of your desires about this ; know that God wishes nothing from you at present but that. Busy not yourself then in doing anything else : do not sow your desires in another’s garden, but cultivate well your own. Do not desire not to be what you are, but desire to be very well what you are ; occupy your thoughts in making that perfect, and in bearing the crosses, little or great, which you will meet. And, believe me, this is the great truth, and the least understood in spiritual conduct.

Every one loves according to his taste ; few love according to their duty and the taste of our Lord. What is the use of building castles in Spain, when we have to live in France ? It is my old lesson, and you know it well ; tell me, my dear child, if you practice it well.

Year End Reading in Review

In between shopping out flights and making travel details to go to Indiana for my aunt and uncle's memorial service this weekend, I have been prepping for my next semester, which started in the classroom Tuesday. I am working on getting my new calendar updated. This means it's time to update my reading list and add a new tab for Reading 2023.  I need to minimize the last couple of years, also. 

Just my youngest and I will go to the memorial this weekend. A larger ceremony is being planned in Texas in the near future, so a bigger group of us will gather for that. Even though that ceremony is the "official" celebration of life, I wanted to gather with my siblings and cousins in Indiana to relive memories and toast our aunt and uncle. It will be good to be together to honor them before we move back into the routines of the school year. One of my resolutions for this year is going to be go... 

But to review: 

Number of books: 66 listed here. I think I have missed a few.  I also read a lot of the Norton Anthology Shorter 13th edition and Home Fire twice for class, although I listed it once. Youngest and I read quite a few books aloud, but we were a little slower this year because of weekend activities. 

Of the 66

• 37 were novels
• 11 were read alouds - Easy chapter books mostly. Two by Melissa Wiley that I have been meaning to read for years.  I need to check if I missed some of these. I feel like we might have finished more. I didn't list picture books, but I read much fewer this year.
• 6 of those 64 were journals of short stories, essays, and poetry.
• Only 7 were spiritual reading - way down from years past when I had my Catholic book club. And these were all pretty light. 
• Only 2 books of poetry
• 12 were rereads, mostly the read alouds
• 23 were nonfiction. 
• Of those, 10 were memoir type books
• 2 were collections of essays by Ann Patchett that were primarily memoir
• 3 of them were about gardening and trees.

Of the 36 books of fiction.

• 10 might be considered classics - some of the children's books and the Cather books: Shadows on the Rock and Death Comes for the Archbishop. The Bobbsey Twins and Pippi Longstocking are perpetual favorites, but I also love Misty of Chincoteague and I had never read Edward Eager's Magic or Not
• A unexpected trend: I read 5 books about Korea/Korean Americans. This was not intentional, but educational.
• I listened to 2 audiobooks - Greenlight, which was probably better as an audio book because Matthew McConaughy has such a great reading voice, and This is the Story of a Happy Marriage also read by the author Ann Patchett. I need to line up more audiobooks for our hours in the car now that I'm almost done with Bible in a Year. 

My favorites:  This was not a year of "You've got to read this!" but I did really enjoy Pachinko by Min Jin Lee, Commonwealth by Ann Patchett, Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie, and Memphis by Tara Stringfellow. Four very different novels. 

My favorite nonfiction book was The Heartbeat of Trees although I am reading Braiding Sweetgrass, still, and really like it - for next year. I also would recommend Jo Harjo's memoir Poet Warrior. Her life story makes interesting reading, and it is interspersed with poems that complement the narrative.

For spiritual books, I would probably pick Liturgy of the Ordinary. If The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Francis Schaeffer counts as spiritual reading, I'd list that - or a very different book by a very different author, The Book of Delights by Ross Gay. Both of those are guided by spiritual insights. 

One of my goals for next year is to be more intentional about picking a spiritually nourishing book to read. Now I did do several Bible Study books with my ecumenical Bible Study group, but those books are workbooks, so not really "reading" themselves. Without my beloved Catholic moms reading group (I need to start another one), I don't pick up as many books that feed and instruct my soul. I did read most of a Thomas Merton book and most of Devotions by Mary Oliver and part of a book on the Eucharist - to finish in the near future. I need to do some research about what to read for Lent.

So another resolution is to finish what I have started - if it is worth while.  I've got a few books in the stack. I also have a big stack of books I haven't read on my nightstand - I need to cut that down without adding to it. 

I'm reading along with the Moms and Millennials book club in San Diego from the Book Riot Reading Challenge. Some of hte categories are a bit esoteric or niche, but I like reading things I wouldn't usually choose. I won't finish it, but I think last year I read books from 21 of the 24 categories. 

Finally, I want to add a big classic to the list again this year - maybe this is the year I finally read Bleak House!

Out of time. I need to pack for our trip. And decide what books to bring along...

Memento Mori

  

I was planning to sit down and write my traditional new year's reading wrap up and resolutions post this afternoon, but instead I'm going to share some memories of my uncle who just passed away very unexpectedly.  He had a massive heart attack while riding the exercise bike at his apartment complex.  The ladies in the office went in to check on him, and he was already gone.

The irony of this is that my aunt, his wife, had just started hospice care.  For three years, she had been fighting cancer that began in her lungs, metastasized to her brain, and the moved to her skull.  The tumor on her skull was only found recently but was already stage four, so although she fought back from lung cancer and then seemed to be recovering, or at least living stably with the brain cancer for a year or so, over the past couple of months, she rapidly declined, and there were no more treatments left for this last type of cancer.  As I write, she had not been told yet that her husband died, as this just happened. By the time I share this, who knows what will happen.  Her days were already limited; now that she has lost her husband of almost fifty years, who was her primary caregiver, she may have even fewer days. 

*** Edited to add - I started writing this Saturday late afternoon. On Sunday evening, my aunt also passed away, quietly. Her two children, 3 granddaughters, two remaining siblings, and her siblings-in-law, including my mom, were all at her apartment throughout the day, but as these things often happened, they had all just stepped into other rooms - my cousin to get her girls ready for bed in the other room, the others for a bite to eat or to make a phone call - when she faded away. She survived my uncle by about 36 hours. Her death was a mercy after a long struggle - now to join her husband.***

My uncle is my mom's older brother. They are about two years apart. They have a younger brother who is about seven years younger than my mom because my grandmother had secondary infertility and my grandfather had polio in those years. So my mom and uncle were close in age, but according to their stories, they were antagonists for most of their childhood - it sounds like he was a big tease, and my mom may have pushed his buttons in return. Their dad was a Disciples of Christ minister and my grandmother was the quintessential preacher's wife, a gracious hostess, lovely and kind. So, of course, the kids may have fit the stereotype of naughty preacher's kids in their youth, and in high school they fit other stereotypes: my uncle playing the role of golden boy, star football player and high achiever, and my mom the cheerleader and social butterfly.  

Despite the arguments and name calling they mythologized for us (Laurie Leadbottom being a classic name for my mom), they became very close as adults.  Part of the growth of this relationship may be attributable to my grandmother's Christmas Eve traditions, and perhaps some to the memories formed while growing up moving around as my grandfather was called to different churches, - or maybe because my mom found in my aunt the sister she always wanted. They and my other aunt loved each other greatly.  My uncle met my aunt after he went to college to play football in Oklahoma and then got a high school football coaching job in Fort Worth, where my mom's family had once lived, but by that time they were settled in Indianapolis, where my grandfather worked for the Disciples Church headquarters. My aunt was a high school English teacher who loved her subject and her students. She introduced me to Jane Austen and the beauties of Masterpiece Theater literary adaptations. 

Every summer and every Christmas, their family drove from Texas to Indiana for a week's vacation and reconnection with family, until about five years ago, when he and my aunt moved up from Texas to help their daughter take care of her three little girls after her husband left. 

That action tells you something about the importance of family to my uncle, but his entire life was a testament to the love he had for his family, including his nieces and nephews. Although he had a busy career as a high school football coach and then a second career as a missionary coach for Christian Sports Outreach International, twice every year, their family would drive the 15 hours from Fort Worth to Indianapolis to spend a week with the extended family. And every visit he would take the nieces and nephews out to a movie and a treat. My earliest memories are of going to Roslyn Bakery in Indy for their famous big yellow smiley face cookies (the original emojis - they might not have gone out of business if they could have latched onto that marketing scheme). Some years it was Steak and Shake or Dairy Queen. There were six of us for a long time and then four more younger cousins came along around the time my brother born and my younger uncle finally got married and had kids (I was their flower girl, and my first babysitting gigs were for them). We would all cram into my grandfather's long station wagon, a couple lucky ones getting to sit in the rear facing pop up seats in the trunk. Some years my uncle took the cousins in two groups - the older ones and then the younger ones because we older ones would want to see movies like The Goonies that had inappropriate parts. Those trips were pretty much the only time we went to the movies except for occasional drive ins during the summers at the lake, until I was in high school and could pay my own way.

The Christmas trips were marked by additional traditions. Christmas Eve was reserved for celebrating with my mom's side of the family. The Texas and Indiana cousins all met at my grandparents' house for a big dinner followed by a talent show of sorts where grandkids played a carol on an instrument they were learning or sang one with my grandmother accompanying them on the piano. Then my aunt would recite Luke 2, the Christmas story, by memory, and the aunts and my grandmother would tear up. Only after the Christmas message was proclaimed were we allowed to open gifts, one at a time, from youngest to oldest.  In those days, the aunts bought small gifts for all the cousins, and my grandmother would have 3 gifts for all the grandkids. Although most years, these gifts were tokens of love, not large gifts, when we cousins were teenagers, my uncle surprised everyone by secretly shopping at the cool stores - the Gap, Forenza or The Finish Line - and wrapping gifts from "Son of Santa" that delighted us - T-shirts or sweatshirts that were in style brand names, what teenagers wanted, not the usual grandma clothes.  Again, as an adult, I see the love in this more clearly. He let my aunt buy us our little gift, and then he splurged on his coach's salary for an additional treat, and kept the magic of Christmas alive for the teens, who were reluctantly still listening to scratchy violin solos by the younger cousins on Christmas eve. 

Those gatherings haven't happened in years. In the early years of our marriage, my husband and I would alternate spending Christmas with either my family or his family, so we kept participating in the Christmas eve gift exchange while the younger cousins were teens and my grandparents were still living. One of the last Christmas eve gatherings was around my grandfather's hospice bed. We all sang the carols around his bedside and my aunt tremulously recited the Nativity story. We took turns saying something to him as he lay locked in paralysis from Parkinson's disease. The next morning, back at my mom and dad's, as our kids were opening their Santa gifts, my mom got a call that he had passed away early that morning - gone to celebrate Jesus's birthday in Heaven as she told our young children. 

But when all of the cousins reached college and young adulthood and were getting married, that tradition slowly faded. There were a few years when our parents tried to gather us on an evening other than Christmas Eve, but the last year we went back Christmas was before we moved to Guam in 2011. 

Nonetheless, we still gathered with the cousins when we could. When our youngest was born, my aunt and uncle drove up from Ft Worth to Oklahoma City to meet her for a few hours - a six hour round trip drive for lunch at Sonic and some baby squeezes. They were almost as close as a third set of grandparents to my older kids. I will always be grateful to them for welcoming me and our two oldest, who were 1 and 2 at the time, to live with them in their little 3 bedroom house while I finished my last semester of grad school. Dan was deployed that winter, so I moved from Virginia back to Texas with the little boys for a semester. I remember trying to write papers on an old desktop computer in their back bedroom after putting the boys to bed, where I could also crank out a couple emails that the ship would get when they pulled into a port.  A couple students watched them on campus during my daytime classes, but I had a once a week night class, when my aunt would feed them and put them to bed after a long day of teaching high schoolers. On weekends we'd watch Masterpiece together or Rom coms. My uncle would chase the boys around the back yard and take them for rides in his classic convertible. Those days are like a long ago dream now, but I am still inspired by their willingness to take us in. That I was bold enough to ask them to is proof that I trusted in their generosity. 

Now they are gone, together. Their fiftieth wedding anniversary was approaching. Although Uncle Trent had had heart trouble in middle age, and had a triple bypass surgery at some point, he was still in pretty good shape, so his death was a surprise. He had been giving his all to caring for my aunt, while also still helping my cousin with her kids. He picked them up from school and helped get them settled back at whom while their mom finished her nursing shift. Then he would take care of my aunt, and continue to go back to Texas regularly to take care of his house and business there, and to spend time with their son, who was living in their house. They were planning to go back to Texas soon, since their granddaughters were now all in school and my cousin's hours were more regular. What a gift that they made that difficult decision to root up their lives so that they could care for their granddaughters and daughter and have those few years together. 

The last time I saw them was this past summer. We sat on the porch at my sister's house and told stories and laughed. My aunt seemed to be regaining strength at that time. We thought we might see them at Thanksgiving, but they had made the trek to Texas to see their friends and family there. And maybe that trip took too much out of them. Or maybe that trip was a blessing that squeezed more love into the world before they left. 

I'll be heading up to Indiana for the memorial service this weekend with our youngest, and then we'll all go to the service in Ft Worth when that takes place. Their lives are an inspiration to spend our time and money on connections, on loving others - which may be my resolution this year. Just go. 

Back to blogging

 I will never be a prolific blogger, but I am happy to see I wrote more posts in 2022 than in 2021, which should be surprising considering the time at home during the pandemic - but then EVERYONE was at home, and I have a hard time blogging with background activity. Hence the reason I never finished that last post before Christmas - I had to watch movies and play games and talk and listen to the kids. 

** Best movie of the season? Maybe Miracle on 34th Street. We've watched some duds - like The Prestige the other night. There were two other magic movies we watched that were better - Now You See Me 1 and 2 - they reminded me of National Treasure, but they were pretty light weight. We rewatched The Greatest Showman and While You Were Sleeping which were both fun, and then the girls got hooked on a Sandra Bullock kick. Bullet Train was way too violent for me, and The Heat suffered from over the top the foul language, and Bullock and her co-star Melissa McCarthy didn't convince me that they were actually good agents - they kept bickering and playing into stereotypes. One of the kids has gotten hooked on Kath and Kim, which is a ridiculous, raunchy Australian sitcom from the early 2000s, but it does make me chuckle.  What I'm really looking forward to is the new season of All Creatures Great and Small, which starts on Sunday. 

I am also happy to see some familiar favorite blogs being updated these past few days. I should be prepping my Blackboard shells for classes, which start next week, but instead I'm distracted by blogs - it's like reconnecting with old friends - I need to check in and see how their gardens and their kids have grown and what pasttimes have changed or stayed the same. I've been enjoying the chatty tone and the quotidian topics - rather than the push for views that so many social media users seem to be about these days or the marketing of some new organizer or motivational series. I think I wrote a while ago about the sympathy I feel for young moms these days - everything seems to be about monetization - how to sell your product and yourself.  Can you just share information any more or do you have to market it? And do you need an expert to tell you how to do everything?  I saw an email from our family practice's office the other day about a series on toilet training that they want patients to pay for. Do you need training to potty train your kid?  Maybe. It is intimidating. So I appreciate these other blogs that write about daily life and what not for free. Free advice here! So while I've never done much to increase traffic to this here space, there is something motivating about recording bits and pieces of daily life for the occasional reader, even if it is only my mom and a record for the kids. If I describe the memories while they are made, the impressions will be stronger.

On that front - today was the first day back at school for the two youngest. After dropping them off, I went to a parent teacher organization meeting (I'm the coffee chair - every other month there is a "community coffee" for parents to hear what's going on at school. It used to be called "coffee with the principal" until the principal resigned after the homecoming kerfluffle. For now the school president is taking on the role of principal, until this spring when they will begin interviewing candidates.) The meeting itself was brief because everyone was still getting used to getting up early this morning and figuring out what's ahead, but I did have an interesting conversation with another parent afterwards about the perils of flying and his grandfather's Naval service.  Another reminder of why recording family history is so important - those memories fade and are lost forever if they aren't captured in time. 

Then the rest of the day, I worked on classwork, updated our budget and started organizing financial info for taxes and financial aid forms. The two middle kids had dentist appointments and one had FIVE cavities - the kid who just started college. I don't think he has been brushing his teeth. I'm thinking I might make him cover part of the cost share to motivate his dental hygiene habits. Either that, or look into another dentist - I am always a little skeptical about dentists. I feel like some look for cavities and fill teeth that just have "soft spots."  Not that it hurts to have those filled, but when they don't do silver fillings anymore, it adds to my suspicion that they are trying to maximize their profit margin because the insurance doesn't cover the amalgam fillings at 100% so they can bill us the overage. Can you tell I am a medical skeptic? 

I feel the same way about car insurance. I'm debating canceling the comprehensive coverage on our teenager car because it costs almost $400 for 6 months - which is about a 10th of the value of the vehicle. The only thing preventing me is the fact that our most recently licensed driver had two major accidents last year.  I hate shopping for cars, but I'm afraid our second car is at the point where we don't really want to drive it even as far as Dallas. It's got 10 years and 140K miles on it. My husband wants to sell the third car - the teen vehicle, demote the second car to teen car, and buy a new/lightly used car for his daily commute. I'd be open to this if we didn't buy two cars last year! (The family vehicle and the teen car, the one that is expensive to cover and which doesn't drive very well - maybe because it is a 4 cylinder, maybe because it is 11 years old. He wants to get rid of it before we have to fix it, but I'm of the mind that fixing it might be easier than doing the research for another vehicle.) Husband also wants to go to Ireland for the Navy - Notre Dame football game and go see his cousins in North Carolina again and take a trip with his brother for his 50th bday and a lot of other things...  hence my budgeting activity today.

Well, it seems I have no real advice - just examples of what you might get advice about. Now I need to get back to work on this course update, but I'm planning to write down some resolutions and book reviews in this space soon - or some plans for the new year if you don't like the idea of resolutions. I love them! But I've already failed to go to bed before midnight every night in 2023, and I bit all my nails off last night. I was doing really well at not biting my nails until I broke one and had to even it out...  yes, I am almost 50, and I still bite my nails. It's a terrible, disgusting habit that I have tried again and again to quit.  There's a resolution I need to make... 

A freebie! Delight of the day: this free illustrated excerpt from The Wind in the Willows from Cricket Magazine.

Happy New Year!

I started this post before Christmas - but in between one thing and another, I never finished it. So now here we are already in the New Year! Happy 2023!

And Merry 9th Day of Christmas, everyone! Glory to God in the highest!

The Christmas holidays, with all their comforts and chaos, are wrapping up. I just took our older kids to the airport this afternoon, so I'm feeling a bit melancholy. The parties are over - except Epiphany, which will be subdued this year, as have all our celebrations. We didn't have quite as many social and school engagements as we have in the past - and I have to admit I missed the parties and performances. No command or wardroom Christmas parties to get dressed up for. I did have book club and Bible study Christmas parties, which were nice, and I was able to meet up with fellow blogger Melanie Bettinelli for coffee when she was in town - a wonderful visit. The youngest had an elementary school concert, but I had the time wrong, so we were 30 minutes late for the hour show. Being a 15-20 minute drive from our parish means we didn't go to lessons and carols, but we did make it to confession and the Jingle Mingle for the elementary school, but all in all, both Advent and Christmas were quieter around here - which I have mixed feelings about.

I also miss the extended family gatherings and having friends over, although I loved having time with just our entire crew.  Since our older kids were only here for a short time, we didn't host any parties, although we did finally have the priests over for dinner early in December and a couple of my daughter's friends came over for New Year's Eve. That gave us time to do some touristy things like finally visiting the Alamo and checking out the Inner Space Caverns. Our oldest son and his wife had their trip cut short by the Southwest fiasco, but they made it for two nights, and we ate richly and took a hike and exchanged gifts and played lots of games.  My one regret is not getting downtown to the museums with our second son who enjoys that kind of thing. We ran out of time because the girls and I spent too long shopping on the day we planned to go. It's hard to balance everyone's desires. 

Actually, shopping is the one thing I haven't been able to get figured out after all these years. Every year I waste timing shopping and then buy too much and then waste time running around making returns. I was uninspired for gifts this year:socks, underwear, flannels, and books. I stressed over finding a good commuter backpack for one son and only found a so-so one, and I spent hours looking at reborn baby dolls, only to learn the youngest wanted a boy baby after she opened the girl doll. But because I acknowledge my shortcomings as a shopper, it doesn't hurt my feelings when the kids ask if they can exchange their gifts - and it provides an excuse for an outing together shopping. Obsessing over shopping is a bad habit I haven't been able to shake because I fret about making everyone happy with gifts, when in reality one nice thing is enough - if I just could figure out what that one thing is for each kid. Reducing shopping should be my resolution for next Christmas...

We did see some extended family just before Christmas - grandparents and cousins on my husband's side in Oklahoma City. It was a quiet visit because half of the cousins were planning to visit the grandparents after Christmas. However, it gave us the opportunity to enjoy each other's company with more attention. And as my in-laws age, the smaller crowd is also easier to manage in terms of feeding and cleaning. We were there for the arctic blast that swept the country, so we didn't get outside much, but our eight year old was delighted to see a little snow, even if it didn't pack at all. My husband took the girl cousins ice skating and our three middle kids to a basketball game to watch the Oklahoma Thunder. I stayed in with our youngest and had a good talk with my mother-in-law, which was only possible because just our family was spending the night.

We also made a stop at my brother's for a festive dinner before returned to our house. He made an incredible brisket - which I don't usually rave about - and our little girls had time to get all the doll clothes out before we headed back to our house. Our second son arrived from Boston the day before Christmas Eve, which is when we finally decorated our Christmas tree while waiting for Midnight Mass. Because of the trip to the in-laws and end of term grading, I didn't put out all of the decorations or hang all the lights. We set up the Advent wreath, calendar, and Jesse tree, but the rest of the decorations remained in boxes until the week before Christmas.  Because our tree was such a skinny Charlie Brown spruce too small for all our ornaments, I hung some ornaments on the house plants. (We've been debating making the switch to artificial next year.). After decorating we ate our snacky bites and watched Christmas Story and Muppets Christmas Carol and other holiday favorites. before prepping for Christmas Eve mass. I had one of my latest nights of recent history getting the gifts organized and deciding which gifts would be given and which would go in the returns box after Midnight Mass.

This is the year that the youngest daughter really doubted Santa Claus, although I could tell she didn't really want to give up believing yet. One of the kids once said he believed for a long time because he didn't believe that I would buy him such good gifts. This year was not that year. I didn't do anything to dispel the doubt. It's hard to please the older kids, so I ask them questions about their gifts, which are mostly clothes, and openly offer to exchange them. No one had a big wish list item this year, so the magic of surprises was fairly minimal - the highlight was the kids' gift exchange. They know what each other likes better than me. 

After opening gifts and eating brunch on Christmas day, we took a hike, built Legos, played dominos and Rummikub, our family favorite, before lounging with a Christmas movie - this time While You Were Sleeping - the girls' choice. The next day we took advantage of nice weather to visit San Antonio, stopping at the San Jose mission, the Alamo, eating Mexican food along the Riverwalk, and then hitting the cathedral and the Mercado. Brought home a little brightly painted metal framed San Pascual for the kitchen. The following day was a shopping outing and a day for the teens to see their friends at track practice and the gym. That night we had an alumni club Christmas gathering at an Irish Pub downtown, while the next day some of us went to the Inner Space Caverns, a privately owned cave just north of Austin. It was touristy but interesting - surprisingly large and under the highway. You don't know what's below your feet. Since it was a private cave, we had to take the tour, which meant a slower visit, but also a more educational one. Our 18 year old complained of joining the sheeple here and at the Alamo, but we learned both American history and natural history in the process. 

We continued to take in the local sites that night, when we finally made it to the Broken Spoke, the honky tonk where George Strait got his start. One of my friends picked the night, and I had to beg my people to come out late on a Thursday, but it was actually really fun - under 21s are allowed because they serve food, so everyone but the youngest and our middle son, who had had to work that day and was tired, went.  I love dancing, but my husband always gets frustrated with me for trying to lead - maybe because I learned to dance by practicing with my sister? But we watched some youtube videos and practiced before we left, and the crowd was not all polished two-steppers, so we were able to get out on the dance floor and have a ball. 

The next day was the day we should have gone to museums, but we had to do some cleaning and food shopping, and the guys had to watch football most of the day. It was bowl game day. I can't devote that much attention to football, and neither could some of the other neighbor ladies on the block - we all happened to meet out at the end of our driveways. I was watching our daughter and her friend ride bikes, one neighbor was walking her dog, the other two were comparing notes on their pregnant daughters.  After talking for 40 minutes outside, we realized it was happy hour, so one neighbor grabbed a bottle of wine, I snatched some seasoned nuts from our pantry, another grabbed cheese and crackers, and we sat around for another hour talking about this and that - my favorite kind of impromptu gathering. 

Saturday my daughter and I took a long walk on a trail at the county park before our shopping outing that delayed the museum visit, because I also had to clean a few more things before our oldest and his wife arrived that afternoon. And that brings me back to the beginning of this post - our New Year's Eve celebration with the family. Big dinner, sibling gift exchange, murder mystery game, Bananagrams and Rummikub, a movie (Moana), and then MIDNIGHT! I had bought a magnum of cheap champagne at Trader Joe's and some Martinelli's so we toasted the new year, and shot of some bottle rockets and lit sparklers. The older kids jumped in the pool, and then jumped right back out. The youngest stayed up until almost one, but she was in tears at midnight because by the time the movie ended, and my husband found the right channel, the ball had dropped at Times Square, so she was in tears for a bit, but recovered after toasting with Martinellis sparkling cider.

On New Year's day, we went to Mass - made it on time to 9:30, even with the late night. Took some awkward photos outside of the church to document the presence of all of our kids. Nothing makes me happier than to have our crew taking up a whole pew and using up all the time given at the sign of peace to hug and shake hands and pat backs.  After a big brunch, we had a little quiet time - miracle! - and then in the early afternoon drove down towards the city to hike part of the Barton Creek greenbelt - ostensibly to see waterfalls, but the creek was dried up for most of the hike. The first half mile to the first set of falls was a party scene - everyone had the same idea to take advantage of the beautiful weather on New Year's day to take a hike. But the second mile was much quieter; we only met a few people on the trail to the second, higher falls, where the kids could throw rocks into a small pool of water. They haven't really grown all the way up, yet. 

We were back from the hike in time for a sunset happy hour on the back porch before prepping our traditional white meal for New Year's Day - pork, sauerkraut, gnepp, and mashed potatoes - plus roasted brussels and cauliflower. This year we added a black-eyed pea soup for the health conscious members of the family, and a nod to our Advent "soup supper" theme (in a reaction to our rich meals around Thanksgiving, I declared we'd have a soup themed Advent, so we ate simply, but deliciously, most of December). 

And that brings us back to today, Monday, although now it is after midnight, so technically Tuesday and the 10th day of Christmas! We had homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast as the older kids packed up. I had to make two batches because I messed up the yeast in the first one. Then the siblings hugged each other goodbye, and I took the older ones to the airport, after a stop to meet their dad, back to work after a week off, at a taco shop for lunch and a quick stop at the rock shop for a gift before heading to catch their flights  And now I am wishing for more days, more hours, with everyone here. Time is flying.

This is a long post, in part because it has taken me multiple days to write it, and also because the kids have been encouraging me to write down memories because they think I'm already losing my mind. I admit to feeling a bit like I have ADD when everyone is home, but it is just because so much is going on. The dinner table is LOUD. And I love it. I love listening to them talk to each other and to us and to have them all around the table. I don't care if they tease me about being old and forgetful - if only they realized how young I am to have such grown up kids! And I realize it is karma for the grief I gave my parents!

There is a part of me that misses the traditions of my youth, gathering with my own parents and siblings, their kids, and cousins, and the parties and school events of our younger years, but I love these precious few days when we have everyone together, and glory be!, they like each other and laugh together - even if at our expense. It has been a good week, chaos and comforts, all of it. 

 

The Mercado in San Antonio

Final resting place of Alamo heroes - in the cathedral San Fernando

More Alamo views

The river walk

The San Jose Mission in San Antonio

Weird ice formations that look like plastic bags around the stems of grasses

Awkward Midnight Mass photo

Christmas morning with reborn baby!

Scenes from OKC - The Thunder and ice skating

Mother daughter tea

Rock skipping competition

New Year's Day Mass - Blessings in 2023, everyone!