Settling in

 Flash forward:

Halloween is over and Thanksgiving is right around the corner.  Most of the leaves are on the ground; a few linger, attached to branches that now are mostly bare. Autumn was glorious and brief.  According to the neighbors this was a more vibrant and mild autumn than some in the past, even though we had 12 inches of snow a couple weeks ago. 

Today was partly sunny and mild, in the 50s. The clouds moved quickly across the sky, giving the sun the opportunity to shine warmly between moments of chilly cloud cover. We raked most of the leaves in our yard to the curb last week, where the city picks them up with big vacuum trucks. Easier than I thought it was going to be. We were going to employ a couple of neighbor boys, but we felt pressured to get them to the curb before the vacuum arrived, and the one weekend we asked for help, the boys were visiting family. In between our old rakes and a new leafblower, we cleared the yard relatively quickly. 

I have not photographed/documented this move very much. We don't have cute kids to photograph any more - the 6th grader is happy to pose, but not always happy to have her poses shared. The days go by quickly. Although I still feel like a new comer 4 months into our stay here, I feel at home. I have a job, a book club, a walking friend, and a neighbor friend.  We have loved having our family and friends visit us for football games. We are happy to sit in the living room with cozy blankets and work on homework, grading, reading, watching a show, etc. It will be even cozier when we get a fire going  - an item on my to-do list is to clean the flue. There are still a LOT of things on the to-do list: lights, rugs, chairs, painting, hooks, pictures, etc, remain to be hung/cleaned/purchased.  But we feel settled in. We have most things put away, although some need to be reorganized, and we need to buy rugs and furnishings for the basement - I spend way too much time shopping when I just need to settle on something.  In the past it has been about six months before we felt moved in; it will probably be about that long at least here before our belongings are where they belong.

But today, I was walking home from campus, and I felt at home. We returned from a visit to San Diego last weekend where we reunited with some old friends and spent time with our daughter, and we reminisced about what a charmed life we had led there. But do we want to move back? We love visiting and having a daughter there, and while I do miss our wonderful friends and many aspects of life near the beach and mountains, I don't feel homesick for California. Rather, when we returned here, I felt like I was coming home. I no longer wake up uncertain of where I am.  

Then today we talked for a while at the football game with someone who is moving to Austin - we raved about the people, the trails, the good schools, the low taxes, the warmth,  HEB, .... why did we leave? they wanted to know. The job... but more than the job. The roots. It's hard to explain, but there it is. 

And here we are, feeling like we belong. 

\ 

Chicks from Ladauto Si class - They grow quickly!
 

Visiting campus

 

 

San Diego

Week 3

Albert the Great ready for winter in his new puffer!

What I want to remember about teaching.

I'm still sifting through memories as I catch up to the present. Presently I am teaching again, part time. I have a seminar and a rhetoric class for college students and a "Laudato Si in Practice" class for my middle schoolers.  I had made some notes about what I want to continue to do and what I want to do differently from my time teaching middle school that I'd like to write out as a reminder to myself. 

First, I really need to do a better job of doing what's important now (WIN). My husband attributes the acronym W.I.N. to a motivational speech given by Lou Holtz years ago when he was coaching Notre Dame football. He may have made it up or borrowed it from someone else, I'm not sure, but regardless of the provenance, it is a guideline I should follow more frequently. Even now, here I am blogging when I should be raking leaves. But it's cold out there! It's important that I drink coffee and write NOW before I go back outside!

Ah, there's the difficulty: there are so many important things! But one of the things I learned over the last two years, was to prioritize my time.  I don't know that I did this well, but I was improving. I needed to get to school earlier to start the day before students arrived - that was important, and I did it. I got up earlier, got ready faster, and readjusted the start of my day by 45 minutes. This is a basic teacher practice, but in my time teaching college, it wasn't as pressing. Having my copies made and my first emails of the day answered before students arrived set the tone for the rest of the day.  Then I could stand at my door where I was supposed to be and greet students and converse with them a little. Was I always successful at this?  Absolutely not, usually because I didn't get myself organized the night before. But I kept trying.

So what is the MOST important thing while teaching? Taking care of the people. Taking time to get to know students and to attend their events and to meet with them. Taking time to support my fellow teachers and to greet the people working around campus in all kinds of roles. I tried to be positive and to be present each day - to not check email when students were in the room. To spend the 30 minutes of lunch duty visiting with students, not checking my phone or talking to teachers - unless something was pressing, like a schedule change or upcoming field trip, etc.  And although I didn't always succeed at being bright and chipper, I do think being optimistic was one of my strengths, although not a natural gift.  Our school had experienced some challenges and morale was low when I first started, so one of the things most needed was a can-do, positive attitude. 

Planning ahead was another practice that always set a better tone for the day. My second year was so much easier than my first because I had a better idea of what we could do in a class period, and I had some resources to use. I didn't reuse many of my lesson plans, partly because we were encouraged to write them differently my second year, and also because my original plans needed revision. But I did spend more time focusing on what needed to be done and how much time it might take. I paid more attention to standards of learning and to scheduling the lesson than I did my first year, when we were always running out of time because I didn't move us along when our 15 minutes, or whatever, was up. 

The challenge for planning was that I often didn't plan enough time for planning. Story of my life. I also needed to remember that less is more and not to let perfect be the enemy of the good. (I am full of clicheed aphorisms today.) I not infrequently set myself back by spending way too much time searching online for resources to teach a concept, when I would have been better served by creating a resource myself or just going with one that was fine.  While there are many amazing English content creators online, not everything works, and searching for just the right thing takes precious time better spent grading, or devising an activity that would work for our specific unit.  I loved looking at other resources for inspiration, but in between the specifics of our standards, our text, and our students, I found that creating my own resources was easier than using someone else's. 

I also learned to try to incorporate a choice activity for differentiation and to incorporate more review opportunities, either for openers or closers.  A single lesson was not enough time for most concepts to sink in, and I had to remind myself that even if a concept seems obvious or simple to me doesn't mean that I taught it clearly or that a single day of practice was enough. 

Another lesson: routine is my friend. Monday vocab. Tuesday grammar. Wednesday writing. Thursday reading. Friday review. Patterns making planning easier and help students know what to expect.  Block scheduling was not ideal, but breaking the block into chunks of time helped.

The biggest lesson I learned was to appreciate teachers more. They have a lot of personalities and problems to deal with. They have admin responsibilities, concepts to teach, parent communications, faculty team work, data analysis, grading, planning, managing dramas and materials. So much stuff. It was exhausting, but also exhilarating. I'm glad was I able to spend a couple of years in a classroom, and I miss it a little now - the involvement in students' and colleagues' lives that isn't present in the adjunct position. I don't miss the exhaustion, but I do miss the mission.  I am enjoying the balance I have right now as an adjunct, especially with the work of moving, but I feel a little like an empty nester twice over - my children are grown and my students have graduated.  Moving on to my next mission.

Reflections on moving, from the summer

Now to catch up on our move and relocation. I started this post back in July, shortly after we relocated to South Bend and were living in a condo for six weeks until we could move into our new home - I'll leave it mostly unedited to remember what I was feeling as we prepared to uproot our lives again after the wonderful trip to Europe. So, from July:

******

The past 2 weeks I have felt like a sloth, moving sooo slowly, sitting in one spot much too long. But the two months prior, really 3 - April to June - zoomed by. I was like a mouse or a chipmunk, a speedy rodent racing to survive: scurry, pause, scurry, scurry, pause, scurry, sleep briefly with ears on alert...

So now it's time to reflect: the school year was a success. I received many sweet notes from my 7th and 8th grade students, notes that I have stashed in an envelope somewhere to read again at some point when I am feeling down. By sleeping an average of 5 hours or less for a couple months, I was able to keep up with the nature writing course online that I thought might have been a mistake to say yes to, but I had the best students yet - they were engaged, insightful, and punctual; they turned things in on time. I suspect at least a few, if not many, may have used AI to augment their assignments. I questioned a couple students who referenced works we did not read in class, works that aren't on the reading lists of anyone but specialists. Unlike regular plagiarism, the use of generative technology is difficult to prove, so I asked for references and got a rewrite.  The bonus, if there is one, is that the longer, more complex discussion posts that may have been AI assisted or generated motivated the students who weren't using AI to write more. 

And then I was able to get everything packed, first for our Europe trip and then for the move. We'll see how much is broken. I paid someone to help me pack the kitchen. Unfortunately, I wasn't happy with his performance. The guy's mother-in-law had been recommended by a realtor friend, but she was unavailable and recommended her son-in-law who used to work for a moving company. He seemed to do good work the first day, fine work the second day, but the third day, he didn't bring extra supplies, he was on his phone every time I walked by, and he smelled like pot. I had to repack half the boxes he packed because they wouldn't shut and the pictures inside weren't properly wrapped. Then I found multiple kitchen drawers that he didn't pack, so I was crushed. Lesson learned: Monitor the work, inspect the work and be honest about work that is not up to par.  I didn't inspect his work the last day before I paid him, but I ended up texting him the next morning and letting him know I was dissatisfied. Happily, he was a honest and perhaps repentant soul, so he offered to refund the money for the last hour, since I had to repack.  

Thankfully, I had wonderful neighbors and friends who came to the rescue. I can't believe how helpful they were. They pitched in and wrapped things, took things to the donation center, brought over snacks and drinks, took away some of my condiments and undonatable food I couldn't stand to throw away, although they might have trashed it all, and our dear, handy, neighbor even helped me reconstruct a crate for our marble topped side tables.  Our wonderful neighbors two doors down offered us their home to stay the night before we left since they were off on their summer vacation. Everyone was just so generous. As I write this, I am feeling overcome with gratitude and loneliness. In my exhaustion and manic work mode, I know I didn't thank them properly. 

The move was challenging - I didn't give myself time to sort and pack properly. I cleaned thoroughly as I emptied each room, even renting a steam cleaner for the carpets and touching up paint throughout the house - using small bottles of acrylic craft paint. But I still left the new owners some cash for cleaning the windows and a first clean because I didn't quite leave it as clean as I meant to. In retrospect, I think I probably did a pretty good job scrubbing out 4 years of dust from under beds, etc. Other than not cleaning the windows, I did get most of the work done that I meant to do, including some yard work and getting a drainpipe cleaned out in the back patio. It was full of mud and roots. I hired a company to come and snake it out, but the guys' power snack broke. He got it mostly reamed out, but it still wasn't clear, so I worked at it with a trowel and pike and eventually got it cleaner, to the detriment of my knuckles and nails, which were scraped and knicked from reaching into the front end and the back end of this drainline.  This was purposeful work, but it was also a distraction from the more pressing job of packing up the house.  

Another thing that set back packing was the visit from college daughter's boyfriend in the middle of all this. It was her 19th birthday week, and she promised to really dig in and help, and she did, if he could come to Austin for a few days before we left the city of fun. Although at the time it was stressing me out a little bit to be unable to pack up the kitchen, the visit did provide a moment to look around one more time - we went to the low water crossing with the paddle boards and spent a few hours doing the very quintessential Texas summer thing - a river float. Well, actually a river paddle... but... I can think of several other things I wanted to do before we left - more hikes! more concerts! wineries in Fredericksburg! the Schlitterbahn! Maybe someday we'll come back as tourists and do these things again.  The fun had to come to an end at some point because there was so much to pack. Sometimes you don't realize how much you have until you start pulling it out. Mountains of stuff had to get packed even after downsizing 4 years ago when we moved from California.

Oh, and we attended our godson/nephew's wedding in Houston!  How could I forget! It was a joyful affair and a wonderful opportunity to spend time with extended family in the Southwest before moving on.  And there were a couple swim meets, a couple dinners and luncheons with friends, and a going away party to attend. 

Although it took some near all-nighters, it all got done because it had to. The new owners had to be out of their place and started moving in while we were still cleaning out stuff. I sent multiple loads of junk to Goodwill with the very helpful college daughter, but not enough. I mourn a bag of ND t-shirts that I was saving for my sister-in-law's kids because they love the Irish, but in a moment of rashness I sent that along to the thriftstore, and of all the silly things to be sad about, I keep fearing that a little tee that was my husband's was in the bottom of the bag. I meant to go through it. I also gave a neighbor a booster chair that would've been perfect for our granddaughter, even though the other neighbor's husband lovingly restored it. I felt awful about that. He did such a nice job, but my dear neighbor who always watched our dog really wanted it for her granddaughter.  Quandary! I hope the gift was not seen as a rejection. Meanwhile, I brought along all these bags of odds and ends but left behind things we might have really used. Ah well. It's all just stuff, I keep reminding myself. I meant to go through old boxes of mementoes and whatnot - that will have to be done on the other side.  Or will be done by my children when I die - I really should do that Swedish Death Cleaning practice so they don't have to deal with it all. 

And yet here we are. With the two youngest girls and the dog, we shipped it all off and drove safely north by the grace of God. Packed it all up, sent it with the movers who loaded it on a truck and took it to storage, drove to OKC for a last visit with the grandparents and then to Tulsa for a visit with the cousins, who just moved into a huge new house with a giant yard.  Made me reconsider for a minute what we were doing buying an old house in an historic district with a small yard. Envy is my great weakness.  I also am sorry to be leaving the in-laws. Although the drive to their home was 5-6 hours, depending on Dallas traffic, we were able to see them every couple of months or so. It was psychologically comforting to be closer, especially after my father-in-law's frightening battle with bladder cancer followed by an infection this spring.  We were able to come up and see him immediately, without having to schedule a flight, although my husband did fly from South Bend a couple of times.

From there, it was on to my parents' farm for a couple days because my dear husband was on a work trip in Oregon that at one point I was going to attend. Sigh. I keep wanting to visit that part of the Pacific Northwest. Again, fighting envy is nearly a full time job for me. Although the days under the care of my mother were a respite. Despite being over 50, I still sometimes just want to be with my mom.  I slept in longer than I had slept in a least a year. 

Even so, I am still so weary. For the past couple weeks, I've been lounging around this condo, walking the dog, shopping for couches and rugs, scrolling Facebook marketplace, looking at paint and tiles for a bathroom renovation, trying to stay upbeat for the daughters who are missing their friends when I'm already lonesome for the life we left, even though I never really put deep roots down. It's surprising how even a place that you didn't choose, a place you resist, can claim your heart after time.  I didn't want a big suburban house with a pool, but how we loved that pool in the end! Floating in the lukewarm water in the evening after a 100 degree day, looking up at the dimming sky and the brightening stars and the swooping bats, is a pleasure I don't want to forget.  The brilliantly colored hues, flaming reds and purplish blues, of the wildflowers scattered through the green belt behind us, followed by the big sunny blooms of the cacti, the shaded walk along the creek to the old stone house that consoled a lonesome heart many days, my thriving rosemary and lavender shrubs, the twisting limbs of the live oaks, the warmth of the walking stones on bare feet - but most of all, the generous friendship of people at school, in our neighborhood, at church, our Navy friends: all of it was a grace I did not appreciate enough. And now the ache of the loss and the uncertainty about the future weigh on me, adding to the exhaustion. 

And yet, I am glad to be where we are. There is the relief of getting through all of those hard weeks - the adrenalin rush has ceased. And there is the consolation of seeing God's hand at work. So many things fell into place - getting the job, selling the house, finding a new one, being welcomed by the community here, even getting another teaching job, this time back to part time for the present while we get settled - that it is hard not to feel Providence at work. I am grateful deep down, even though it is hard to find the energy to show it. 

Goodbye, old house!

A nineteenth birthday for a lovely young lady!

Hello, low water crossing! 

Paddling on the river.

A wedding! Blessings to the happy couple!

Enjoying the pool while we can.

One of several donation loads. Why did I get rid of a bookshelf?!

Taking a break to watch my neighbor reconstruct some crates.

The boxes ready to load.

The empty living room. The new owners plan to put in wood floors, something I always wanted to do. But tile is so practical. 

The load in the moving truck.

The load in the vehicle

Goodbye, stuff. The trash. Don't worry; it's all broken and used up. I've got too much of the hoarder in me to throw away something usable. 

My navigator leaning out the window at a red light to fix the top carrier straps.

Time with grandparents

Travel buddy

Baby time at Nana and Pop's

My plants made it! They were transported by our college son, who rented a minivan after the wedding to move back to SB for his summer job. Another piece of the moving jigsaw that fell into place.

Old pillow gifted by a friend. I could probably collect less. 

County fair time!

.. and hello, new house!

Travels Abroad Pt 5: Rome, Nuremberg, Home...

 Happy Fall, everyone!

We are enjoying a glorious burst of color at our new home! 

And yet, I feel compelled by a bit of an OCD complex to finish this narrative of our trip last summer. So bear with me as I flashback to the end of May one more time - and then, eventually, I'll summarize the last 6 months of the year, which are flying by.

To resume...

We arrived in Rome early on Thursday morning. Travel from Toulouse, where we stayed after our day in Lourdes because it was the closest major airport, on RyanAir was uneventful, other than I was frustrated that the hotel shuttle was not running early enough for us to make our 6 am flight, so the hotel called a van, which cost about $100 to drive us a mile. I was up for walking, but my husband was tired of lugging bags.  Up to this point, I had been pretty relaxed about our budget; we were staying within it, so I wasn't stressing as I often do on trips. Our meals and accommodations had been affordable, and we were mostly walking everywhere, so I tried not to let it bother me.  But when we arrived in Rome and needed to get a cab to our hotel, I let my husband and the girls jump in a little cab with all our bags, and our son and I took a bus to Trastevere and then walked the rest of the way. He had spent the semester in an apartment there, so I got to see his window - someone else had already moved in for the summer.  We had a lovely walk - he pointed out all of his hangouts and some favorite spots, and we strolled through the Campo de Fiori, the only morning we had for passed through the stalls, grabbed some fruit and drank coffee.

The rest of Thursday was for reuniting with the wedding party and guests and for eating pasta and gelato and drinking espresso and wine.  Our accommodations, not far from Piazza Navona, were in another apartment-hotel, and we took over almost the whole building - 7 of the 12 rooms. The rooms weren't large, but each floor had a gathering/living room and a small kitchenette to share. We had two floors and the penthouse apartment on the top floor between our family and some friends. Dan's brother and family had that space, but they opened it up to use for gathering. It had a tiny balcony off the bathroom - a funny design, but we ended up sitting out there late in the evenings after their kids had gone to bed.  Based on reviews of the hotel, located on a side street/alley that had several restaurants and a bar, I was a little concerned the neighborhood might be a bit noisy, based on reviews, but I think we may have been the noise-makers. 

The bride and her family were staying in another airbnb on the other side of the Piazza, so only a short walk. We convened there on Thursday around lunchtime to meet up with our son the groom and to visit with the bride's family. She was getting her nails, hair and face done by the aestheticians, a trial run, in the kitchen while we were there, so the girls gathered and giggled with her, while we all nibbled a little cheese and bread and shared a prosecco toast to the happy couple and the weekend. Their apartment was more of a villa-style, with high ceilings, gauzy curtains around a window opening to a great view on a tiny piazza, and a velvety sofa and chairs in the main room, which made it all feel very Merchant and Ivory, although our clothes weren't as lovely. 

After this midday toast, our son and daughters and I headed north through Rome to take a poster of the seating chart with illustrations of Roman buildings our son, the groom who is an architect, had sketched. At one point one of the cards started to fall off the poster, so we propped it up against a building while my son tried to reattach it. Suddenly we were accosted by three gendarmes rapidly speaking Italian telling us we were forbidden, forbidden! Apparently the building was a federal building and it appeared we were hanging propaganda - we were vandals! They wanted papers we didn't have and then wanted to take us to an office for tickets while we tried to explain we were only fixing a poster for a "mariage ... esposo... la mesa arrangement... " Italian, French, English, Spanish... we were spewing out words until the oldest of the police realized we were just stupid Americans there for a wedding. He finally sent us on our way with a warning not to touch government buildings. Warning received and heeded - we touched no more buildings!

The hotel for the reception, where we were taking the poster, was near the Borghese Gardens, so after dropping it off with the concierge, we walked into the gardens and ate large slices of thin crust pizza and drank deliciously sweet sodas.  The weather during our stay was persistently warm, not as hot as Texas, but warmer than expected.  With my thin skin, I wasn't uncomfortable, but staying hydrated, especially with all the coffee and wine we were drinking, was a goal each day. 

Along the walk back to the center of Rome, we stopped in a few shops, and our youngest daughter discovered Italian leather goods. Suddenly the hunt for the perfect leather purse was under way.  At the time I thought this was a passing fancy, but leather shops are everywhere in Rome, and they have most of the same things for the same price, although there was just enough variation that a hunt for the perfect thing took some time. Over the next few days we paused at nearly every small shop with leather bags.  

That afternoon, we walked around Rome a little bit, but everyone had a few things they wanted to do or buy. The boys went to get haircuts, the girls went to shop for some accessories for their wedding dresses, and we walked a bit before meeting up with the cousins as they arrived at the airbnb. The day progressed from one snack to the next ending with dinner, perhaps our best meal, at a restaurant overlooking another piazza, I can't remember now which one, with just the younger cousins. We ate delicious carbonara and fish and steak and laughed and drank delicious red wine and laughed and then laughed all the way back to the hotel. It was a wonderful evening.

The next day was our pilgrimage morning - we woke early to head to the Vatican to do our Jubilee year pilgrimage through the holy doors. This was a bit of a process - more than we expected. In our group were the girls and our oldest son and his wife and baby and our cousins from Germany, who probably didn't know what they were getting into as they aren't practicing their faith.  Along the walk there, we ran into one of my students from Texas! I knew he would be there with his family, but it was a surprising delight to meet them on the streets of Rome. They had just finished their pilgrimage, starting very early. We had tickets for 9:30 am, still early, but had to get in a line with other pilgrims near Castel San Angelo at the end of the boulevard up to the Vatican - I should know the name of this street.  We were given brochures with songs and prayers and joined up with another small pilgrimage group to sing and pray our way to the door. A prayer leader with a large cross lead our group. There were designated stops along the way to stop and pray special intentions. The morning was growing warm, and I was worried the spirits of our group might flag, but everyone stayed in pretty good spirits. Unfortunately, I didn't feel quite as prayerful as I might have were we just our small family group or if we were only in Rome for the Jubilee. There were hundreds and hundreds of pilgrims, many in matching shirts or the traditional dress of their culture.  I was glad we had spent the time in prayer - probably about an hour - before reaching the doors, although the crowds were large so there was not time to linger. At this point our group dissolved, and we walked through the St. Peter's relatively quickly. It was so crowded that there was not time or space to feel particularly prayerful, but it was heartening to see so many people there to take part in the pilgrimage and to pray at the special side altars, our favorite being the chapel for John Paul II. 

Upon leaving St. Peter's, we tucked into a few of the shops along the via to look for souvenir medals and gifts, but did not buy much. So much of what is offered for sale is available everywhere now. I did wish I bought a little della Robbia relief, though, as they seem to be harder to find and I love them. 

After refilling our water bottles at the street fountains, we walked along the Tiber a bit - a treat for the younger members of our group who were fascinated by the trash in the river - shopping carts and electric scooters and umbrellas, and other discards that were reminders that Rome has a fair share of people who are suffering from a lack of permanent housing and poverty. 

After a long and filling lunch, we again split up, with the younger members of the party heading out to shop and the older members taking another walk until it was time to return to the hotel to get ready for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. One of the best parts of the day was meeting up with our son the groom, whom we had hardly been able to talk with because of all the other family and friends. We were able to have a short conversation and give him a blessing, a sweet moment of peace before the main events. 

Then it was on to the actual wedding events. We were hosting the rehearsal dinner at a small restaurant that my husband used to visit as a student and which my son visited several times when he was a student also. It wasn't fancy, but it was tasty, and we had the whole restaurant for our party. I felt not a little trepidation that we had not checked in the day before to confirm everything, but my husband seemed confidant that the email exchange that he had had a few days before was enough to ensure the menu and timing.  A little challenge had arisen a couple weeks prior when the church said that the rehearsal could not take place there - apparently Italians don't practice getting married the evening before.  Fortunately, my husband had just been to Italy several weeks prior on a site visit for his new role as university architect and had made connections at the Rome campus. Additionally, one of the priests concelebrating the event was the chaplain for the ND Rome program. Between these connections, we were able to host the rehearsal on the rooftop of one of the Rome campus buildings, which was not far from the Colosseum.  Here we gathered with the priest and bride and groom and had a wonderful little meet-up with the bride's side of the family before doing the quick run through of what would happen during the Mass, since not everyone on the bride's side was Catholic. Spirits were joyful in anticipation and in the moment of preparation and having beloved family and friends together. Although I had wished for a larger stateside wedding so that more family could attend, I see the virtue of a smaller guestlist. I can't say I prefer one to the other, but they both have value. 

The change of location resulted in a delay getting to the restaurant, but happily, blessed relief!, they were ready for us. The owner and staff greeted us with glasses of bubbly wine and had our son carry the bride-to-be, wearing a white dress, into the restaurant. Apparently they thought this was the wedding dinner! Everyone was laughing and no one corrected the misapprehension, which didn't matter anyway.  The food and wine and aperol spritzes flowed freely, and spirits were high as all the college friends reunited and our families got to know each other better. My husband's high school friend, an usher at our wedding, by coincidence was in Rome with his family, so we invited them, too.  The kids had been able to pick up gag gifts around Rome that morning to surprise the couple with what is now a tradition in our family dating back to our own wedding. The siblings of the couple present silly gifts to the happy couple that highlight their personality - and some hint at honeymoon fun. These got large laughs form the crowd. Everyone was so full of pasta and wine that hardly anyone ate the tiramisu that was served after the presentation of these gag gifts, although I had more than one slice, having picked at my plate earlier in between talking to people. Needless to say at the end of the night the bill was quite a bit higher than anticipated, and my husband felt awful for not confirming the price before the event.  Uncharacteristically, I was not too upset by this, partly because I anticipated it being more expensive than he thought and because everyone had such a wonderful time.  I did, however, make note that the next time we host a large dinner, we should ask for a better estimate before the event... anticipating that at least most of our 5 remaining children will someday wed, we had also better start saving...

Exhausted, we thought we'd sleep in the next morning, and we did a little bit, but my husband and I still woke earlier than the rest of our crowd and had time for another walk around Rome. We don't think we'll ever tire of this. The good part of having traveled prior to the wedding was that we were now mostly used to the time zone, so jet lag wasn't wearing us down. 

The day of the wedding was a blur.  We did some hurried shopping for a wedding gift because we'd been hoping to find a nice crucifix or Italian pottery or something, but we didn't find quite the right thing (I ended up having our oldest son pick up a cross in Assisi after the wedding and ordering Italian pottery online sent directly to the newlyweds back in Boston). We were also looking for a restaurant to host Sunday brunch after the wedding, which was our anniversary.  We narrowed down a couple options before returning to the hotel to use the internet to make the final decision. My exhaustion was showing up in an inability to make decisions. All too suddenly, it was time to get ready for the wedding - and, as is my habit, I didn't give myself enough time as I needed to do hair and make-up.  I was afraid after all my debate about what dress to wear, my hair was a disaster. I bobby-pinned the sides up and then we had to dash across cobble stone streets to the church of San Ignazio. It wasn't a long walk and the crowds and small streets made walking faster than trying to uber, but I was almost late to my own son's wedding!

Fortunately, everything was running on Italian time, so at the church, my daughter had time to repin my hair and straighten everything that needed straightening.  We had time to gather and greet the family and say a quick prayer before the ceremony began.  The church had closed the doors to tourists, who were all waiting outside in the piazza for it to reopen so they could take photos in the Tiktok famous mirror that reflected the ornate ceiling.  Our son had chosen this baroque church originally because it wasn't a large tourist stop, but somehow in the months prior to the wedding, some influencer had discovered the mirror and made it a destination for a photo-shoot.)  Everyone was all smiles as the bridesmaids and finally the bride processed down the long altar.  And everything went beautifully. The readers, our daughter-in-law and the bride's godfather, did a beautiful job, and the priest, our son's college rector, gave a lovely homily about the challenges and rewards of marriage, a reflection that resonated with some of our nonpracticing family. I'm always happy when they attend Mass with us and leave with a sense of being filled. The Mass, so anticipated, seemed to go by much too quickly.  The bride and groom signed their names in the book of sacraments and signed their marriage license with the witnesses, and many pictures were taken, although not as many as some weddings we've been to. (I was a little concerned the wedding photographer may not have captured enough, but he did - I was only sorry he didn't get a better portrait of the couple in their photos after the wedding, taken around Rome while the rest of us went to the cocktail hour.  He took lots of posed photos that didn't seem to fit the couple's personalities.)

The couple exited the church to a full piazza of cheering admirers - guests and tourists. We suspect some of those gathered may have thought the newly weds were someone famous, and at this moment they were! They drove off in a limousine, while the rest of the guest got into vans that shuttled us to the hotel where the reception was taking place. We were treated to a cocktail hour on the rooftop deck, where plenty of photos were taken while the couple had their portraits taken around Rome. The view over Rome was amazing and the golden hour was just arriving as the bride and groom rejoined the party.  Lots of toast, lots of laughter, lots of photos. 

The rest of the evening was something of a blur. The food and drinks were delicious, some of the fanciest wedding food we've ever had. The mementoes were tiny bottles of limoncello and the flowers matched the girls/ dresses in citrus hues.  Our adorable six month old granddaughter was an additional highlight - she was in great spirits as she got passed around in her fluffy pink tutu dress. She smiled for everyone and provided surges of happiness to all her held her, as babies do. The toasts were funny, but appropriate; the bride's father's toast was particularly moving as he perfectly blended humor and sentiment.  The cake was a marvelous concoction of millefois topped with flowers. And the bride's family of 4 all joined in to U2's "Marvelous Day" for her father-daughter dance. Our mother-son dance was a big hit, too - We started dancing slowly to Michael Jackson's "Ben," our son's name, and then cut in the record-scratch moment of a Beastie Boys' song, for which we broke into a choreographed reenactment of Rowley and his mom's dance in "Diary of a Wimpy Kid." I'm not sure all the guests caught the reference to that movie, but they loved the surprise switch-up, and despite very little practice, we were able to make it seem like we really planned the moves. 

The rest of the night was spent dancing, dancing, occasional trips outside to admire the skyline and moon and stars, and then more dancing. We stayed until the hotel shut things down late in the night, and then the kids all went out to karoake at Scholar's Lounge, where the bride and groom had met six years ago. 

But the end of the wedding is not the end of the story! The next morning we were able to rally our immediate family, minus the bride and groom, and an aunt and uncle, for the Jubilee Mass for Families at the Vatican.  This was our 29th anniversary gift from our children. We arrived early and were able to find a spot in the shade of the colonnade. Surprisingly, we ran into friends from our church in Coronado! All roads really do lead to Rome, and it is something short of miraculous that in this crowd of thousands our friends - and our sons coming on their own a little later than us - entered the piazza right in the same area as us.  The only drawback to being in the shade on this warm day was that Pope Leo, celebrating one of his first large masses as Pope, did his drive around the piazza BEFORE the Mass. On our previous visits to Rome, Pope JPII and Pope Francis drove around after the Mass.  This meant that we weren't close to the rails to hold up our still happy granddaughter to be blessed up close by the new American Pope. We had a good view, though, and were buoyed by the cheers of the crowd. This was not the biggest papal Mass we had ever attended, so it was less overwhelming, and perhaps more joyful. 

From Mass, we headed to another hotel rooftop for brunch. This one was much less fancy, and the food was less exquisite. The party was also more subdued after the long night and morning.  It was time for goodbyes. Everyone was heading in different directions: the bride and groom to a lake in central Italy, like Lake Como, but not; our oldest son and family were off to Assisi; our two other sons were flying back to the States to start jobs; our oldest daughter was back to work in CA; the bride's parents were going to the Amalfi Coast to relax; and we were heading to Germany for a couple days with the 2 youngest girls to visit our husband's brother and family since we were so "close." They came to the wedding, but we wanted to show the girls Nuremberg. 

One last thing we did before leaving Rome: while the kids packed up and napped, my husband and I took one more walk around Rome. Our goal was to go to Santa Maria Maggiore to enter the Jubilee doors there and see Pope Francis's tomb.  On the way we stopped in 4 other churches and prayed a decade of the rosary for the intentions of our family.  By the time we reached Santa Maria Maggiore, we thought we had arrived as lines dwindled because we were able to pass through the jubilee doors with little waiting.  However, we found we when entered the basilica, that we could not move forward - Mass was about to begin and they had stopped the flow of pilgrims through the church. We waited, thinking the crowd would inch forward past Pope Francis's tomb, but it came to a standstill as more and more people filled the sanctuary. At last, knowing we had one more dinner gathering with the remaining family, we had to turned around and weave our way out before the liturgy of the Eucharist. We never did see Pope Francis's tomb, although we finished our rosary and said some additional prayers while we waited. 

Our last dinner was a joyful celebration of marriage and family with the remaining kids. My husband's brother hosted this dinner and had our son who had been in Italy all semester order everyone's meal. This was just a trattoria off of Piazza Navona, probably a tourist stop, but it seems impossible to have a bad meal in Italy and spirits were still high. It was a lovely ending to a lovely visit.  

Although travels weren't quite over for the 2 younger girls and my husband and me! We were off to Germany the next morning before dawn - this longer and earlier cab ride half the price of our French shuttle. About Germany: I will just add that it was a lovely little family visit of just 2 days. We had visited in 2021 when our daughter was studying in Heidelberg, so site-seeing wasn't as high a priority as seeing how German families live.  We did tour the town of Nuremberg and the castle and gardens, but missed the Nazi sites again. Then we spent most of our second full day at the Schrebergarten relaxing and eating and visiting. 

It was lovely, peaceful, and restorative respite before our flight back to the states.  We all flew to Chicago and then the girls and I returned to Texas to pack up while our husband returned to Indiana. Celebrations and travels were over; time for the work of moving to amp up.