Wednesday, May 31, 2023

More choices

I've written before about how terrible I am at making decisions. (**Just checked -- There are 15! posts about how bad I am at deciding - I haven't improved!)  Maybe as a child I was not an overthinker with decision paralysis, but the past few years (10+ according to my research on this blog) in particular have forced us to confront several big decisions that were taxing emotionally and physically:  Retirement, jobs, houses, colleges, cars, etc. Now I'm paralyzed by another job choice. I lay awake at night, and then I lie awake in the morning, and all I think is choice A or choice B? Or is there a choice C?

As soon as I make up my mind one direction, I question it. As past posts prove, I do this often, usually in relationship to making a big purchase like a house or a car, but often about jobs - and they have all worked out! I drive my husband crazy when I wiffle-waffle, so I try not to talk about it, and usually after a period of time I get over it or our life circumstances change, so it's not an issue any more. 

The choice I'm facing now is again about a job. On paper, we are blessed to be in a position where I don't have to be compelled to work financially, but future financial decisions loom: more college bills and retirement costs ahead. So I have been thinking now is the time I go to work fulltime. I've applied to a few jobs - advising at the community college, teaching grade school, teaching high school, and another staff position at the community college. I have one offer. 

But if I say yes, it means that I have to give up my various adjunct jobs. On the one hand, I have long complained I make too little money and work too hard at adjuncting. On the other hand, I love walking onto campus and working with students and planning the lessons, and I'm finally getting to know some of my coworkers. 

I also keep thinking about going back to school. This is a pipe dream. It is not practical. It would be a lot of work and potentially costly.  It would take several years.  Even the application is hard, which I would work on this summer and fall for admission for fall 2024. And my track record with being a consistent writer is sketchy at best. The goal would be to move from part time to full time at the community college or elsewhere and contribute to scholarship. The reality is I would still be an adjunct when I finish, and any scholarly pieces I would write would impact a small group of people, if any.

And I just turned 50 last week. Getting older. 

So do I do the practical thing and contribute to our family finances -  the work would also be rewarding - or do I try for the pipe dream one last time while continuing to teach ESL and composition and literature and tutor? 

I do feel like the work I do currently is meaningful. My adult ESL learners were an awesome bunch this semester, and they were so, so kind at the end of the year with their gratitude. I admire the work of the organization (in addition to the community college) that supports their learning with wrap around services. 

I also know the work of teaching primary or secondary students would be rewarding, although also difficult and time consuming.

Another factor contributing to my decision is that this coming year is my sixth child's last year of high school. If I take a full time position, it will be a lot harder to take her on college visits, to help her with her college essays, and to be present for her in this last year - although past experience shows that seniors aren't hanging around the house all that much.

Many mothers work full time while being present and committed parents, but I am grateful I was able to stay home so many years, even though it was hard and often boring and frustrating. With fondness I remember those years I spent home with the kids, first schooling them and then supporting them while they went to school. I will still have another child at home for 8 more years after #6 graduates. But this last child is doing great in school, and we are happy with her school, so I don't see a return to home schooling for this child, who already is lonely for her siblings. 

My heart is leaning toward declining the job offer, sticking with the status quo, applying to grad school, and re-evaluating next spring. My mercenary side is calculating the money I am saying no to if I decline. My altruistic side is tempted to say yes to a position which really needs to be filled.  Saying yes would alleviate the pressure on some people who are working overtime right now. I like to be helper, especially where there is a need. Adjuncts are pretty easy to replace.  

I've consulted friends and family, and so far the results are mixed - half say go for it! The other half say run away!

So help me out by voting A : saying yes to new full time job that isn't exactly the job I would pick, and would be a job I might want to transition out of in a year or two,

or B: sticking with what I'm doing now while trying to fulfill a dream.

Or suggest an option C... is there a media via? 

*** I have prayed about this. I've tried the advice our pastor gave us a couple years ago about the Ignatian practice of making a chart with values and inclinations.  I'd love for God to speak clearly. Pentecost Sunday's readings and homily about peace, peace, peace reminded me that my present decision doesn't really matter all that much - as long as I do whatever I do with love and without anxiety.  Those past decisions all worked out just fine. So I really should continue to pray echoing St. Julian: all will be well, all will be well, all will be well. 



Saturday, May 6, 2023

Travel tips for the frugal museum loving family adventurers Pt 2

Wait - you might say -  that last post advertized in the title tips to travel frugally?  And instead it turned into a boring diary listing what we did and saw on our spring vacation to New York City. Sorry about that.  Soon!

We have done a lot of travel this year. In comparison to the amount of traveling I did as a child, my children are very frequent travelers. I wouldn't consider myself a travel professional, but I have put a lot of time and effort over the years into making travel arrangements. 

Every once in a while, I feel sort of proud of this, and think maybe I could plan trips professionally... but then I realize that my travel style - budget friendly, heavy on educational sites and opportunities to walk a lot, low on food and shopping experiences - is not the typical.  But niche travel is popular now, right? I listened to a random podcast the other day about a travel company that specialized in trips to countries "where your mother would not want you to go." Definitely niche. And it made me think of one of my son's trips to Nigeria and another daughter's almost trip to Nicaragua. I talked her out of that one because it was surf trip and not a service trip - and she doesn't surf!

I likely won't become a travel agent, but here's some advice- nothing you don't already know: 

1.Spend several hours, days even, shopping flights on Google flights, Southwest.com, your favorite credit card website with travel perks, Expedia, etc. Look at options for different airports, different days, different times. 

2. Do the same thing for a rental car and a place to stay. Don't get tricked by missing the extra fees tacked on to these two items when you go to check out. Taxes, airport fees, cleaning fees, service fees for AirBNB and VRBO... they often are reveal in the final check out, so check the total price before confirming. Weigh the benefits of paying ahead to save or paying a little extra for flexibility if you need to cancel. 

3. Plot out the things you want to do most, and then price them out and figure out which ones you can't miss and wait on others. Two museums a day are about our max. 

4. Consider buying a family membership for museums even if you'll never be back if your family is big enough. Make sure your kids bring their student IDs if they have them to save on admission.

5. Museum entry fees come from the education fund, not the travel fund...

6. Food is not my love language, so I'm happy to save on meals by stopping at a grocery or market and eating light for breakfast and lunch and even dinner. I have foodies in my family, though, so sometimes we splurge at lunchtime and save on dinner.

7. Set a limit on souvenirs or collect something inexpensive or free like postcards, ticket stubs, rocks. or stickers, etc.  T-shirts might be tempting, but they accumulate like rabbits. Sometimes we'll give the kids a $10 or $20 bill and let them budget for their own mementoes and treats, if we are feeling generous. Or they have to spend their own money if they really want something.

8. Check out transportation options - what makes the most sense for your group? If you are buying enough subway tickets, an uber might make more sense. Although trains are more fun....

9. Bring your own water bottle and some emergency snacks. Pack an umbrella or rain coat even if you'll never need it. Wear good shoes.

10. Sometimes free entertainment is the best - lounging in Central Park, peeking into churches, playing at the beach or river, taking a hike, etc. 

11. Bonus: take a picture of where you park your car if you have to park and fly. It's hard to remember where you left it after a weekend in another land.

At any rate, that's not a very surprising list of what I've learned of the years. Planning pays off - although it can also become an obsession, as it has recently when I came late to planning our daughter's graduation from Pepperdine weekend in Malibu. Malibu is not a budget friendly place. In the past, when I have visited, I rent the most economical vehicle (one time it was a truck because no one in LA wants a pick up to drive around) and stay at the Navy Lodge 30 minutes up the road in Ventura County because it is safe and affordable. The beds are not the most comfortable and the walls are thin, but it works for a short stay, and the drive is beautiful up the PCH, 

This time my husband and my daughter's two friends are coming. If I had searched earlier in the spring for a short term vacation stay, I might have had an easier time finding a place, but selections were slim when I started hunting a couple weeks ago. For about two weeks I have made and cancelled almost half a dozen reservations ranging from the Navy Lodge (too far according to my husband), a chain hotel (too close to the highway and something of a drive), a smaller boutique hotel (too expensive), an air bnb (too small after adding in the 2 friends), and I attempted to book a few other places which rejected my requests because they were already booked or our group was too large or they added in extra fees that didn't show up until I tried to book. I finally committed to a Bed and Breakfast about 12 minutes from campus. I found it on google maps - not one of the big booking sites - but I talked to the owner, and he and his wife seemed hospitable and normal. It ended up being their family home with rooms for rent, but it was a place to lay our heads, enjoy a sit on a porch with a view of vineyards, and be relatively close to campus without spending a fortune.  I also saved a little money by rebooking our plane tickets on Southwest when the fares went down from what I originally paid. That was a sweet deal. Now I have a travel voucher for more trips - not quite the same as cash back, but I know we'll use it. 

Packed up and ready to go!




Friday, May 5, 2023

NYC Photos

 Here are some photos I neglect to post - got distracted having to delete things so as not to pay for memory. We already pay for icloud, but I don't also want to pay for Onedrive, especially when we also have several google accounts - all the digital trash of life is accumulating. I've never had storage units for my physical stuff, even though downsizing is hard. So now I had to spend a few hours downsizing my digital life.  Some sweet memories - emails and photos - slowed me down.. Good stuff; will I look at it again? Or just enjoy this one last revisit? 

Needless to say, I downloaded a bunch of stuff to look at later. 

These photos are from last to first day.


For her brother, the super fan

So many books!

                                                        Empire State building in the background - focused on iconic stuff his visit for the 9 yr old

Washington Square Park

Leaving the track Hall of Fame

The Cloisters

St. Francis Cabrini's socks

St. Patrick's

The Nike store

Shakespeare in the park

Homage to suffragettes

Who doesn't love the hall of armor? 

Drawing Van Gogh

A favorite Joan of Arc

Always popular Egyptian art

Signs of spring in Central Park

The folly

In teh Shakespeare garden


Dinos on the loose at the Natural History Museum

Lots of movie stuff

Gems

We have another version of this photo from 15 years ago. No reading glasses then

Watch out for  moose

The Oculus

9/11 Memorail

We have one of them picking

Who doesn't take this photo?

Or this one

Baby irises - remind me of our wedding bouquet

My husband went to school on the Staten Island Ferry in first grade.

Gold spikes of Usain Bolt

Through these doors...

With our Milo's coffees in Washington Heights

Hello, NYC!

Relay runners

FAO Schwartz fun


Rockefeller Center


Times Square

How many Elmos?

9/11 Memorial

Everyone loves the ferry

And everyone loves photo ops

A Mary Karr poem because we went to New York

 A Perfect Mess BY MARY KARR

For David Freedman

I read somewhere
that if pedestrians didn’t break traffic laws to cross
Times Square whenever and by whatever means possible,
      
the whole city
would stop, it would stop.
Cars would back up to Rhode Island,
an epic gridlock not even a cat
could thread through. It’s not law but the sprawl
of our separate wills that keeps us all flowing. Today I loved
the unprecedented gall
of the piano movers, shoving a roped-up baby grand
up Ninth Avenue before a thunderstorm.
They were a grim and hefty pair, cynical
as any day laborers. They knew what was coming,
the instrument white lacquered, the sky bulging black
as a bad water balloon and in one pinprick instant
it burst. A downpour like a fire hose.
For a few heartbeats, the whole city stalled,
paused, a heart thump, then it all went staccato.
And it was my pleasure to witness a not
insignificant miracle: in one instant every black
umbrella in Hell’s Kitchen opened on cue, everyone
still moving. It was a scene from an unwritten opera,
the sails of some vast armada.
And four old ladies interrupted their own slow progress
to accompany the piano movers.
each holding what might have once been
lace parasols over the grunting men. I passed next
the crowd of pastel ballerinas huddled
under the corner awning,
in line for an open call — stork-limbed, ankles
zigzagged with ribbon, a few passing a lit cigarette
around. The city feeds on beauty, starves
for it, breeds it. Coming home after midnight,
to my deserted block with its famously high
subway-rat count, I heard a tenor exhale pure
longing down the brick canyons, the steaming moon
opened its mouth to drink from on high ...

Thursday, May 4, 2023

Travel tips for the frugal museum loving family adventurers

How did April, one of my very favorite months, go by so fast? For that matter, whither March? 

I never wrote about our Spring Break, which was way back in mid-March.  Since this blog is primarily a family history, I thought I should keep a record of our travels, so in ten years from now, when my kids ask, "Why didn't you do this for us?" I can point to this blog and say, "See! I did!" 

Case in point: New York City. We visited my brother- and sister-in-law when they lived in Brooklyn in 2007 or 8. If I were writing a blog then, I could look it up. As it is, I could dig through photo albums and find the prints from that trip, but I'd rather finish writing this and get some other things done today. I just remember that our sixth daughter was in the baby backpack. Thus, I could tell her she had visited NYC when she asked, even though she doesn't remember. Her older siblings don't even remember much about that trip. Heck, neither do I. although I do remember we traversed Manhattan from the Statue of Liberty to Chinatown, and we got to peek in the lion cages of the Central Park zoo where my sister-in-law's sister worked. Or was it the Brooklyn or the Bronx zoo? See, I need to go back, or ask my sil.

At any rate, for spring break this year, that backpack baby had a track meet in NYC, so we made a vacation of it. This time, we only had 2 kids with us, instead of 6 with us, but a good chunk of our time was spent at the Armory, the historic indoor track up by the campus of Columbia University in Washington Heights. I was geeking out a little bit on the track history, although the "Hall of Fame" there could be so much more than what it is.  We stayed at a hotel recommended by the track club, the Radio Hotel in Washington Heights, very close to the Washington Bridge over the Harlem River, not to be confused with the George Washington Bridge over the Hudson River, which is also not very far. 

This is a gift of traveling - you can begin to make a distinction between those two rivers and have some sort of sense of what upper Manhattan is like and where things are - and just how big that island is. All of my reading of novels set in NYC doesn't really approximate a knowledge of the city's geography, scale, or the reality of daily life there, no matter how good the author is. For the most part, my imagination is colored by television and movies, but it still isn't the same as being there, and visiting is not the same as living,.. (You might say the same about seeing a Giotto fresco in the church of San Francesco or the Last Supper in Milan, or hearing a live concert, watching an opera on the stage, or eating a gelato, or an In n Out burger or good cheese or fine wine - no matter how well it's described. Experience defies description! And yet Art! Does it exceed what it imitates?)

Leaving aside philosophical digressions to return to the travelogue:
We had three days in the city. What began with a sunset uber ride from JFK airport to the hotel was followed by a delicious, although not fine, Italian dinner at a crowded little taverna in the neighborhood. Our daughter's friend joined us, and we were entertained by the toddlers at opposite tables who were watching and testing each other in the way that toddlers are fascinated by each other.  After dinner, I'm sorry to say, we stopped in the urban Target down the street to get energy food for the girls, and then returned to the hotel to crash.

The hotel is relatively new, but it felt old - the  halls were dark, the elevator was intended to seem industrial with spray painted, grafitti-style, aged superheroes on the wall. The room was tiny, and the bathroom design need input from an actual user - to save space the since was sideways, which caused way to much water to splash over the edge. And the shower door was outsized adn opened out into the tiny bathroom. But the price was right, the service people were nice, and I appreciated some of the tiny room design features like hangers than opened up, clever coat hooks, and drawers under the bed. 

One of my favorite things about the hotel was its location - not close to most of the touristy parts of NYC, but convenient to the track, with a somewhat open view over the river, and, the highlight, a great coffee shop next door. They served Dominican specialities - corn fritters, Dominican coffee, and something they called sweet wheat. We went in every morning and tried something different.  I love trying different places, but there is also something satisfying about sticking with someplace that is good, and having them great you again on the third day.  It was called Milo's, if anyone ever reads this and happens to visit that specific area. 

Our first morning was spent at the track - cheering on our daughter, watching her friends, enjoying the spectacle of a big meet with elite runners.  We got sandwiches from a convenience store for lunch - which became a theme, and a thrifty lunch.  We were still on our meatless Lent, so a grilled egg and cheese sandwich was a satisfying source of warmth and protein to fuel our days. 

After her events were complete and a quick clean up at the hotel, we jumped on the subway for an hour ride down to the tip of Manhattan to catch the last ferry out to the Statue of Liberty. We hadn't actually ridden the ferry the last time we visited, and our nine-year-old really wanted to. For that matter, who doesn't love a ferry ride? My husband was happy to reminisce about living his preschoool and indergarten years on Governors Island, when it was still a Coast Guard base. My mother-in-law often recalls how bad the cockroaches were in their apartment, and my husband said his dad through rocks at the island on their final boat ride back to the mainland, but it was a happy time for my dad and his brothers. I'm surprised it hasn't been converted into high end real estate.

The trip to see the Statue was short - no tours up to the crown this day. But we did meander through the museum, because we missed the last ferry to Ellis Island - it was leaving 15 minutes after our arrival, and even though we trotted around the base of the statue to try to make it, they still roped us out, which was disappointing, but at the time we were happy to go into the museum and gift shop, and we got back to the ferry landing 30 minutes earlier, so we had time to get to the 9-11 memorial before the sun started setting. That was a moving experience, and I'm glad the younger daughter had had the opportunity to learn a little about it this past fall. She had read a story about a girl whose father had died, so we found his name. 

We didn't go into the actual museum - it was closing in 30 minutes, so we elected not to spend the money on admission. Instead we went into the space age Oculus mall/train station across the street, which satisfied the teenager's desire to go into some higher end shops. 

From there we trained back up to Times Square for a quick stop to see the lights and pop in a couple shops, just to say we did, and then we had to catch the subway back to the north end of Manhattan to meet her team for a team dinner at a pub style restaurant that had family style seating. We arrived just before most of the team, but ended up being served almost last because of some server error, but that gave us time to make friends with the other family at our table, also in town for the track meet, but from the East Coast. The dad ended up being a college cross country coach, so we had a lot of common interests. 

The next day was our mostly free day. After our coffee shop stop, we took the train down to Central Park and the Natural History Museum. After about 3/4s of the museum, runner daughter wanted to go back and watch friends run, so my husband generously offered to take her. Younger daughter and I finished to museum with the dinosaurs - now on the top floor (I feel like they used to be lower?) - and then meandered through Central Park with a pretzel and a corndog from a food park over to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 

Let me tell you something about my travel philosophy - I would rather spend on museum entrance fees than on food. Many people do not feel the same way. I'm happy to go hungry in order to see great art. Now we are financially stable enough that we could afford a nice lunch, but we also had to budget lunch. So food truck snacks fit the bill of being quick, easy, tasty, and relatively cheap - although these particular trucks were in a prime location and their prices reflected that. 

Our route through the park took use through the Shakespeare garden and the castle folly. It was too early for much to be in bloom except hellebores and a few forsythia and redbuds, and yet still the park was lovely in its late winter muddiness. New York is huge, dirty, and expensive, but give me New York over LA any day.  Public transportation, food, parks, interesting people, and some of the world's finest museums.  Of course, LA does have the ocean, but there's something about New York. .  . .

The Met was extremely crowded. I'm not exactly sure why - just a bunch of art lovers out on a Saturday morning? A free day fpr residents?  At any rate the non-resident line was shorter, so we were able to skip the wait. And we skipped the Egyptian tomb, which is super cool, but the line wrapped around the gallery. Instead, we blazed through the mummies, flew past the classical sculpture, and then raced upstairs to the Impressionists, because we only had a little over an hour before we were supposed to meet up with friends near the carousel in the southern part of Central Park.  And of course, the 8 year old wanted to see the works she had seen in books and on PBS kids - and we needed time to scan the museum shop, which has some of my favorite jewelry and children's play sets. But since we were short of time and money for souvenirs, we didn't shop long. We didn't even get a postcard because the lines were long. We can buy it all online anyway. Hopefully we'll be back to linger in the galleries longer.  I also want to get to the Museum of Modern Art one of these trips.

But this trip was all about NYC highlights. So after the two big museums, we met up with some dear friends we met in Guam who now live right in midtown Manhattan. Such a contrast! In between duty stations, they lived in Washington State near the mountains. He works for the FBI, not the Navy, so they have more options for assignments. They guided us around the rest of Central Park, pointed in the direction of Times Square, Rockefeller area - I missed the Public Library to my dismay - I wanted one of those photos standing between the lions! Ha! - but the 8 year old again got her way by stopping at the American Girls Store, which happens to be very close to St Patrick's where we were planning to attend Mass.  She had a slight meltdown there because of all the choices - so many things! - and no one else wanted to spend as much time browsing as she did. Fortunately, she recovered from her tearful quandary when I said she could pick one thing for souvenir and another for her birthday. A stop in FAO Schwartz, which is in smaller accomodations now, was not as fraught with indecision because I said we were buying nothing. Problem solved.

Mass at the cathedral was solemn and lovely, even though we were in our jeans. A wedding party had just departed as we were making our way in, and they left behind fancy programs and match books. Someone must be someone to get married on a Saturday afternoon at St. Patrick's cathedral. 

The worst moment of the trip followed Mass - hungry and tired, we left the cathedral to find dinner. Immediately across the street were some food trucks. Best gyro ever, my daughter claimed. But I did not want a gyro; I wanted a dinner. So I pouted a bit until I finally ate a few bites of pizza. But the bit of gyro I did have was really good. 

Sunday had us back at the track for a couple more races. In between events, my husband and younger daughter and I walked up from the track to the shrine to St Francis Cabrini - Mass was going on, so we heard the end of the liturgical rite and participated in the eucharistic rite - had we gone to confession we probably could have received an indulgence, but we lacked motivation to do that. The shrine was a small chapel in the back of the church with some articles of clothing from Mother Cabrini and information about her dogged persistence in helping the poor.  

After a short stop at a playground, we continued north to the Cloisters, the former home of ... which is now Met Museum home of medieval art. We did not go in because we were short on time and the entry fee was steep, but the gardens were lovely. Walking back,  we stopped for pressed sandwiches from a convenience store and some good coffee and Irish soda bread from a cute coffee shop.

The final event of the track meet was probably our daughter's best showing - the 4 by 400 meters. Her team placed 5th, so they received medals, so there were lots of photos. But this meet was also a clear indication that our daughter will have to work a lot harder to compete at the next level. She has gone far on natural talent, but she doesn't put in the hours on the track or in the weight room to compete at elite levels. I think she has the potential physically, but she needs the mental strength. 

With the meet over, we had one more free evening. The track team kids all went back to Times Square for pizza and shopping, while my husband and younger daughter and I got out of chaperoning to go to Washington Square and check out the Strand bookstore, where I felt as overwhelmed with wonderful choices as my daughter did at the AG store. I put back at least 10 books and left with 3 - Cricket in Times Square, The Girl with the Curious Hair, and Brian Doyle's ,,,,

For dinner we stopped at a Mediterranean place kind of like Cavi but a little more formal - they had wine. 

By the end of that day we were all exhausted and felt like we had seen a good bit of NYC. There still is so much I could explore, but only so much time and energy. 

The next morning my husband caught a flight back to Texas, while I took the subway a couple miles south to pick up a rental car. I made a short detour through Central Park, just to pretend I was local. It was a gray and cool day, but hints of spring made the day seem brighter. I imagined I could live in a big city, walking everywhere, whatever I need a subway ride away or simply not necessary. 

The rental car was to get us from NYC to Boston with some stops at colleges on the way. My original list was scaled down to just Providence College and Holy Cross. Since our daughter is a junior this gave her a chance to see what a school on the East Coast was like. The track was right by Columbia University so she got to see that, too. And in Boston we again visited our son's friend at Boston College. 

I started this over a week ago. So now I'm going to add some photos and hit publish to be done for the moment. Maybe someday I'll write about the second half of the trip.


Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
-Lemony Snicket