Christmas begins

Peace and joy reign for a time in our hearts as anxiety is forgotten during the confrontation with the timeless mystery of Incarnation.

Awkward family photo time

Attempting to get a family photo is always a challenge

The fashion shoot

Beginning a weekend trip to San Diego:
First stop: Mission San Juan Capistrano

The tourist stop: Sea World

After Mass at Mission San Diego de Alcala, the first
of the 21 California missions

The beautiful bell tower

A kind usher let the boys pretend to ring the bells

Merry Christmas: Post Midnight Mass, we all blurry eyed but smiling.

And five hours later, still smiling

Baby Jesus in his place in the nativity set we bought in Guam.

Christmas lights along the channel post feast.

Season of preparation vs.stasis

The third Advent candle was lit last night, our first night at home in several days. At times I enjoy a frenetic pace - it makes me feel purposeful and at ease with what I have to do NOW. When schedules and outside obligations present a ready-made priority list, I don't have to agonize over choices. This weekend was packed with Christmas parties, and we also supported the kids' participation in a couple of service projects (at both of which the number of volunteers nearly outnumbered the number of people being served.) Of course, being busy eventually becomes tiresome and a day at home is wonderful, even if it is spent doing laundry and cleaning desks. The earlier setting of the sun has us all content to stay home in the evening.

But last night, since we had no where to go, I spent several hours trying to shop online.  Christmas is nearing, and our gifts haven't been purchased. Driving by the mall on the way home from church I was horrified to see people directing traffic, so I was determined to do all my shopping on the internet. Only I can't decide on anything! Too many options. Too hard to tell what something looks or feels like. So I bought nothing.

Similarly, I find myself wasting away hours in the daytime when I don't know what I should be working on first. While I am doing a little more substitute teaching, I was disappointed to hear that the community college isn't interested in hiring me for the spring semester either. As the remaining weeks of this pregnancy are slipping away, I keep trying to decide how to spend the hours of the day when the kids are in school.  I thought I might write more, but instead I waste time reading words that fill the hours but don't fill my head or heart. (Although this article  in the Guardian by pianist James Rhodes cuts deep.) I've been debating whether or not to pursue secondary school certification. I like teaching, I like being with students, I've always been interested in education, I like having something to direct my energy towards. But figuring out the details - What to do with the baby? How to manage the kids' schedules? Should I pay for my own education when paying for the kids should be a priority? - is preventing me from making any decisions. The root of the problem is a lack of passion. Do I want to do this enough to deal with the inconveniences and to inconvenience my family? Unable to commit, I remain in a state of stasis, waiting for a sign. And nothing has surfaced.  

So I'll put off decision making another day by reliving some happy moments of recent memory: a visit from my parents. We toured Santa Barbara again, ate really delicious meals, attended a Christmas concert, hiked in Ojai, and spent a little time at the beach while the rest of the country was dealing with snow and ice.

Revisiting Mission Santa Barbara with my parents: the cemetary

A large Australian Moreton Bay Fig tree at the mission

Two Claires.

Jesus and Mary Magdalene

Impressed by the size of the blue whale at the Natural History Museum.

Learning about local fowl and fair trade gifts at the Museum.

Another natural history lesson: Hiking Cozy Dell Canyon

SoCal had a little cold streak this weekend too - in the 50's, brrrr!

King of the mountain

Still learning at home.

Tempting orchids at the farmer's market

Random thoughts on Advent

Happy Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe!  Our parish's Hispanic community is hosting a pozole dinner tonight after the 7 pm Mass. I love hominy, and I wouldn't be surprised if they have tamales, too, my very favorite Mexican food.  I would like to go, but the kids have about 5 things to go to tonight, and I am the only driver, as my husband is out of town for a funeral. Lots of driving every day this week. I was a bad wife over the weekend because I pouted that he was going home for a family friend's funeral and leaving me for a few days to deal with the mess.  What kind of wife is more upset at being left behind than sympathetic for the loss of an old friend? A selfish one, that's me. A long way from sainthood.

Melanie's post reminded me of a thought I had on the Immaculate Conception about how I used to enjoy being pregnant and expectant during Advent. That was the first time I remembered, "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be identifying with Mary right now." More often, I'm thinking about myself and how my plans have been disrupted. I do feel grateful that our life is being rearranged by new life, not by sickness or death; I just have not completely embraced the feeling of gratitude for this new guest coming into our lives.

Despite being moody, easily irritated, and likely to fall asleep when I sit in a comfy chair after 6 pm, I think I have passed beyond the anger and disappointment that I first experienced when this pregnancy was confirmed.  I still make apologetic statements about this being a surprise baby or "not part of the plan" when people I barely know - or don't know - ask me about this pregnancy, but I feel guilty about it as soon as the words slip out. I am amused but embarrassed when asked if this is my first, and I haven't posted anything on facebook about being pregnant, but I plan to trumpet the news to our friends far away in our Christmas letter, whenever that gets written. I was relieved, but not surprised, to get the results of the recent blood test - Baby is healthy. And I've started to imagine a little personality belonging to this being who is somersaulting around often inside me. She is certainly energetic right now. Or maybe she just likes all the sugar I've been eating. Tis the season for sweets.

And our house is cheered up by the addition of Advent decor and rituals. It's been a haphazard bit of decorating - the kids did quite a bit, and quite a bit is halfway done. I forgot to get a new Advent calendar, but found an old one to tape up, which has been completely ignored, similarly to the Jesse tree, which is usually ignored after a couple days. The Advent wreath has been lit a few times, and the second grader has been reading from a prayer sheet she brought home from school. Our church is giving out new candles each week, which saved me from rushing out to buy new candles, since we had to get rid of all our candles before we moved, but it leaves the wreath looking empty.  I love outdoor lights, but ours haven't been lit yet: a string of lights hangs halfway across the garage and another string sits on the shrubbery, but the string that was to connect them and make them all light up was halfway burned out and I haven't replaced it yet.  And then the pieces of various nativity sets are in various places. But throw in a few poinsettias and red ribbon and it all looks festive.  We've been listening to the Christmas radio station in the car and on Pandora at home. You can't help but feel a bit more cheery when you walk in the door and smell real tree instead of teenager running shoes.

So Advent hope and joy is beginning to pervade the home. My parents visited over the weekend, so we had some happy times and great food. I'll probably post some pictures one day. We ate really well when they were here, so the fact that I haven't cooked much since they left has been overlooked by the kids. So many feast days to celebrate this week. A good excuse to order pizza if we don't get pozole.

Link on children's lit and Thanksgiving notes

Short article on children's literature that is starting conversations:
http://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2013/dec/03/childrens-books-great-literature-university-of-kent-sf-said

A quick link because I don't have much time or much to say. I just read Wonder by R. J. Palacio on the advice of my eighth grader, and now my 4th and 6th graders are reading it. It's the popular new novel about a boy with a facial deformity. After I read the ending, I was reminded of a debate a friend from graduate school got into with a guy in line at Blockbuster. We had checked out and were waiting for 15 minutes before she left the discussion. They were debating the merits/demerits of Mr. Holland's Opus, or "Doofus" as my friend called it because of its sentimentality and maudlin ending. Wonder might be accused of the same thing. It's a book with a social conscience about this boy who is going to school for the first time in middle school because he's had so many surgeries during his life.  Is it great literature or would the original author of the U of Kent course description mentioned above dismiss it as akin to mass-market thrillers?  According to the author of this article, SF Said, great literature is something that affects your beliefs and changes the world:

"And yet, by every criterion listed, children's fiction is entirely capable of being great literature. Indeed, if you're looking for writing that changes the reader and the world, there may be no better form. I work with the CLPE (Centre For Literacy in Primary Education). I've visited countless schools and seen for myself the life-changing power of children's books. It's impossible to overstate the transformative effects they can have upon individual readers – and collectively, across generations, upon the world."

It's always hard to come up with a definition of great literature. I also finished another Anthony Trollope book, Can You Forgive Her, and enjoyed it more than the first. It certainly isn't transformative, but could you make the argument that it is better literature than Wonder?  Technically, at least, you could posit that Trollope is a better writer than Palacio. But Wonder will affect more people more strongly than Trollope's work, which does drag on. My friend may scoff at the happy ending and my sister might argue that the world of middle school is too gently portrayed, but I'm happy to let my kids enjoy Wonder since I enjoyed reading it myself. A feelgood story is medicinal every now and then.

PS: Notes on our recent feast:
We had a nice Thanksgiving with elderly neighbors, young sailors, the cousins and the cousin's visiting friends. A nice mix of people who barely knew each other. The food was delicious, and some new taste preferences were discovered: I like mashed potatoes with cauliflower; my husband was appalled at the break with tradition. Yellow sweet potatoes are better than orange yams, or maybe it's the other way around. Yellow yams? Sweet potato (or yam) pie is sweeter and probably more nutritious than pumpkin pie, and since no one trusted sweet potato, I got to eat most of it myself.  Macaroons are an Italian tradition that I would like to eat more often. The brined turkey turned out just as moist and maybe tastier than the turkey cooked in the oilless turkey fryer, which is really more of a convection cooker, but the oillessly fried turkey cooked in only 2 hours and was very tasty.  Also the stuffing inside the brined turkey was really too salty.  My great-grandmother's recipe for cloverleaf rolls are still a hit, so I should triple the recipe to have any leftover.  And there is no better way to use up leftover pie crust and gravy than turkey potpie.

These photos are from the cousin's house. My house is not so colorful and stylish and lacks backyard water access.

Desserts

Appetizers and Thanksgiving book. Note oldest son taking out paddle board pre-meal.

Side dishes. Somehow I never got a photo of the turkeys

But this is a portrait of my stomach taken by one of the kids post TG meal. Plus a 22 week old baby.