Riding the train

Hello, June. 

The month of May was typically full. I meant to document more of this busy season, but somehow here it is June 9th, and so much has happened that I'm not quite sure where to begin. 

Perhaps I'll work backwards:

On the first of June, my husband and I celebrated 30 years of marriage.  How can we have been married so long, when our wedding seems like last year, our children's babyhood feels only months ago, teenagers ruled the house just last week, and it still feels like we are learning to love? Time is so relative! 

June 1, 1996

Although we marked this milestone with good cheer, including a Veuve Clicquot toast (my fave because of Babette's Feast, although usually we toast with Cook's, which is what we had at our wedding), it was an understated celebration, like many of our anniversaries. We have a busy summer ahead - see prior post. We'll be celebrating many times over. My gift to my husband was saying yes to spending more money than we should have on a piece of original art offered at our daughter's school auction - so it served a good cause. My husband surprised me with a gift of a necklace with seven pearls, one for each of the kids.  Although we had said the art work was our anniversary gift, I actually love this necklace - and it was on sale! Even better!  My husband has not always had the best of luck predicting what I like in the way of jewelry - not that I don't like what he buys; I just don't always fit the style he choses... This time his choice was spot on.

We were also going to go out to eat to a restaurant we haven't tried, but our college daughter returned home from college that afternoon. Her return was delayed because she qualified for the NCAA regional meet in the 800. Because of that we spent a couple days on the road driving down to Lexington, Kentucky, and back to watch her run. A 5.5 hour drive one way for a 2 minute race.  She had a stellar season, dropping 6 seconds from her PR last year, but she didn't quite hit her PR in this race, and competition was tough to move on to the finals. Fortunately, she has the potential to get stronger next year. Although she raced a lot in high school, her training mileage was low, and she hasn't burnt out like so many athletes who compete at elite levels at young ages.  

Needless to say, we stayed more than 2 minutes at the meet and watched some of the other races, including her teammate's mile run, but we did not spend time exploring UK or Lexington. I love track meets, and this one was large with elite runners running at their peak. I love watching the strength and speed of these athletes, all women on this day.  Other people can have their football and basketball games, but I'll take a track and field meet any day!

We also added a little extra driving to our travel time to stop in to visit our granddaughter, who keeps getting cuter than ever, and we spent the night and morning with my parents before making the return trip in time to get back for school/work. A full couple of days.

I do love a road trip. Just days before our jaunt down south, I returned from a Memorial Day road trip to Montreal with some fellow faculty members on a pilgrimage to see the St. Joseph Oratory and shrine to St. Andre Bessette, and the burial place/shrine to Kateri Tekakwitha.

This was a 14 hour driving journey northeast. Since it was made with friends and coworkers, the time flew by. This particular group was a very easy going crowd, so our stops weren't long, but neither were they rushed. It helps to travel with low maintenance companions. We met once a month during the school year to read and discuss and learn about St. Andre Bessette and his life and miracles in Montreal. 

The oratory itself is stunning, the largest church in Canada. 

The school door where St. Andre was the doorman

View of the oratory from the gardens where there are life size stations of the cross

The original small oratory built by St. Andre and friends. He lived in the loft.

view of the oratory from the side

Sculpture of Angels Unaware

Candles for St. Joseph

St Andre's tomb

In contrast, the shrine to St. Kateri is small and humble. 

 

The weekend prior to that our fourth son/fifth kid graduated from college. We hosted a big party at our house, and I helped plan a big party at a reception place with a couple other moms. It was a bit bigger and more elaborate than I initially planned, but everyone had a fabulous time. The graduation was lovely. The valedictorian gave a very moving speech, and Timothy Shriver, the Laetare medal winner, had everyone in tears with his story of a Special Olympics athlete at the world games in Ireland. The commencement address was given by Sr. Raffaella Petrini, a Franciscan Sister of the Eucharist who is the president of the Pontifical Commission and Governorate of Vatican City State. She is the highest ranking woman at the Vatican, and one of the highest Vatican officials - basically the governor of the Vatican state. The baccalaureate was also moving - everyone loves the singing of the Alma Mater. And the Arts and Letters grad ceremony included some thoughtful remarks from the dean and a sighting of a Supreme Court Justice. It was a celebratory weekend. 

 

 

The weekend before that I took my parents to North Carolina and Smoky Mountain National Park to see our daughter run and to spend some time in the mountains (hills for people who are used to Sierras and Rockies).  This trip was a bit spur of the moment, but planned after our spring break trip didn't pan out.  My dad has Parkinson's and is moving slower these days, but this area has a lot of accessible trails that are paved or are well-groomed. For instance, we visited a few waterfalls. The most stunning was a 120 ft fall on Cherokee land. It has a stair climb that has a hand rail and benches just below the falls, so people can admire their beauty. This is not my favorite kind of hike, as I am more drawn to quieter, more remote hikes, but we were there on a weekday before the summer crowds, and its beauty was well worth the climb.  I also had thought an AirBnB would be more scenic, but hotels are easier and more predictable for my dad, so we stayed at a Best Western that was right on a river.  Our rooms had balconies over the water, and the free coffee and breakfast was a perk. It worked out well for visiting the cute little town of Sylva, NC, and the track meet at Western Carolina University in Cullowhee.  After our drive through Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg on the north side of the Smoky Mtn NP, I highly recommend the south side! It was grown exponentially since my trips as a kid. 

view from Clingman's Dome, the highest point in SMNP

 

 

 

 

A little black bear farewelled us on our exit from the park

In between those trips I took the train up to Chicago for the American Literature Association Conference. I love riding the train, which gave me an extra two hours to work on my paper on Wendell Berry's representation of economic forces in Marce Catlett, The Force of a Story, his newest, and perhaps last, novel.  I should not have needed the extra two hours. If I had planned better, my paper would have been done weeks ago, and I'd have enjoyed the train ride even more, but maybe I enjoyed it just as much or more because I was plugged into the wifi typing away.  I didn't have to drive or find parking or pay attention to traffic. The train corridor is moderately scenic - I saw a few deer, was lulled by the sway and rumble of the cars, listened to other people talking and peeked at what other people were reading. I loved not having to drive home tired and exhausted from a long day of brain work. And I love these lit conferences, although I didn't stay at this one long enough to talk much with other attendees. I missed the evening dinner and social because I needed to get home and pack and leave the next day for the trip to Montreal. 

My classes at the college wrapped up well. I think my students improved in their speaking skills and their writing a little, and the rapport between students was good in class, which meant better discussions and more performative speaking.  A highlight was a guest speaker, Jimmy Dunne, who talked about the importance of business and communication, but mostly answered questions and shared life lessons.

My Laudato Si class at the middle school also wrapped up well. I have ideas to make it better, but I am going to step away next fall to teach at class at the high school - Redemption in Literature, which I'm inheriting from another teacher who taught it as a film class.  I'll miss my middle schoolers, and I love the topic of my Laudato Si class, but I also love the idea of looking for redemption in literature/film. I have four chicks in my garage from the class - we hatched chicks again at the end of the year, and while I'm not sure my middle schoolers even remember what Laudato Si means, they will remember the wonder and joy of hatching chicks. I hope they'll also remember our field trips - one to see maple syrup, and one to the ecosystem lab at a county park run by ND where they got to observe the nesting bald eagles and find some amphibians and snakes in the semi-controlled wetland observation area.  I thought it was a cool field trip, if I do say so myself.

So that was May - a full, beautiful month. I also celebrated my birthday while we were in Montreal.  I am grateful for the spring blooms and the opportunities to gather and celebrate.  At times we lead a charmed life. Although the planning and going and returning filled the days, the month didn't feel as chaotic or overwhelming as it has some years.  Instead, while it was full, it felt like one long celebration of life.  I am grateful. 

Peony Season!

Snapshots of life and the music of Purgatory

 As with all things, the sun rises, the sun sets, disappointments fade, and we move on to the next thing.  This week started with some difficult conversations, but ended with a delightful visit from our granddaughter and a celebration of our oldest son's birthday.  He has reached the age where I'm a little astounded to say that I have a son who is 29. Since people here know me as the mother of an 11 year old, I sometimes want to pull out a family photo and say, "Look, there are others!" 

Our celebration was a little muted because of the terrible flu going around. Our daughter-in-law ended up staying home with it, and the dinner party we'd planned was smaller both because of flu and because some of their friends had week-old twins a little earlier than expected.  The dad came by to say happy birthday. I ordered them a copy of Everywhere Babies by Susan Meyers and Seven Silly Eaters by Mary Ann Hoberman, since they have a two and a four year old at home. 

How many different lives do we live? Each day a new birthing and dying. 

On the other end, another friend has lost a parent.  This is the season we are in now - losing parents, gaining grandchildren.  We are in the midst of planning visits to our own parents in the next month or so.  

Sunday afternoon, I drove a couple hours south to meet up with my high school track coach and one of the runners from my club track team that I still keep in touch with. It was a great visit reliving glory days, and although it meant a lot of time in the car, it reminded me of how wonderful it is to stay connected with these friends from the past.  My track coach was a middle school history teacher and then a high school botany teacher and coached for decades. Although now in his 80s, he still talks about continuing to coach, but it is probably wishful thinking. His wife died not long ago and her care required all of his time and attention for several years. He remembers an astounding amount of detail about the past. His comments about wanting to coach reminded me of the need to have purpose and meaning even in your ninth decade.

These days I run rarely in between aches and pains in my feet and knees, although I've made it to the gym more often. For Lent, I've been trying to be on time and to be considerate of my husband by going to bed earlier. Although I have regularly fallen short in this practice, I have noticed that going to bed early results in better sleep as all the studies say. 

Since I'm not reading anything too exciting right now, this is easier to do. For my book club, we are reading Dante's Purgatorio, which is timely for Lent. What sin, what disordered love, keeps me from Paradise? So many! Those suffering from accedia and from pride are the two that seem most familiar. I've enjoyed revisiting Dante again after many years, through the Mark Musa translation (although I tried listening to a Librivox recording of the Longfellow translation on Sunday during my drive - hard to stay attentive to!) I've noticed more strikingly this time, the curious lack of references to Christ but the abudance of reference to myths and artistic representations of people of virtue, as well as the references to songs as the souls progress.  I looked up a few:

When the souls reach the gates of Purgatory they sing the "Te Deum":

And the prideful sing Beati paupere:

While some of the souls blind to the gospel hear Lucis ante:

Summae Deus clementiae is the hymn of the lustful, which I couldn't find, but here is Beati mundo corde - Blessed are the pure of heart - another verse they sing:

And just as Virgil departs, the souls sing Venite benedicti Patris mei, in the 27th canto as they leave the circle of the lustful.

I'll close with that, although perhaps I should draw the connection between the purgations of Lent, and opportunities to offer up the illness and aging in this world for forgiveness in the next. I hope to make more notes on reading Dante at some point. 

Scenes from winter

During this winter of discontent, here are some scenes of winter wonder: 

Snow, snow and more snow around our house. Every day we have to shovel again because more snow has fallen during the night. Each morning and each evening, I check on our pond with 2 koi who are hopefully hibernating. I add pots of hot water around the filter and the bubbler to keep them from freezing. I don't know how the fish are going to make it. 

  

I tried to capture the glitter of the sun on the icy snow, but my camera/photo skills are not commensurate with the task.

   

Scenes from different days: An overlooked Christmas ornament and a snowman who since being made has been buried.

A couple weekends ago we went to Nashville to watch our daughter run at Vanderbilt. As a bonus, we visited the Country Music Hall of Fame to satisfy our middle schooler and visited with my cousin who is a Dominican sister and my college friend whose son was also running. 

  

Taylor Swift's outfits, a retrospective of Dolly Parton's career, and Elvis's gold Cadillac were highlights of the CMHF.

   

Oh! And some memorabilia from Hee-Haw!

On the way home we stopped to see my parents and family, and the next day we visited the Indianapolis Museum of Art, which was free in honor of Martin Luther King Day, with our granddaughter and our son and daughter-in-law. Nothing is sweeter right now than watching that baby discover the world. She is so adorable - curious and cute. 

 

 

The Clowes Pavilion has a light show. My grandparents often took me and my siblings to the Indianapolis Museum of Art, now called Newfields, but the galleries have changed a lot. I don't recognize much of the museum but this Tiffany window from the Indpls Presbyterian Church in honor of Benjamin Harrison, the courtyard, and the little dark room that houses a Rembrandt self-portrait, are all still familiar. The Robert Indiana LOVE sculpture used to be outside but has been moved in because of weathering.

I always love an image of Charity being mauled by hungry children.

What I did on my summer vacation

My friends, we have one more weekend of summer vacation left. The kids start school on Monday. All of those plans for summer?  We only accomplished a few. Where has the summer gone?

But those few events were pretty major.  For example, we just returned from North Carolina.  We spent the week before last week in Charlotte and Greensboro (staying at an inn in Elon), where we traveled to watch our daughter run in the Junior Olympic National meet. Initially, I thought it might be a trip that involved the runner and a parent, but because we have cousins and college friends in the area, the meet provided impetus to take the whole family for a summer vacation trip.

The meet started on Monday and ended on Saturday, and our daughter was supposed to run Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and maybe Saturday, which gave us Sunday and Tuesday and part of the other days for visiting. So we spent most of the first part of the week enjoying the company of our cousins, talking, laughing, swimming, and eating some delicious food. These are cousins on my husband's side, a set of five siblings who have kids all roughly in the 6-16 year old age range, and who all, miraculously, live within 5 miles of their parents and each other and get along. They have a family band and lots of projects. We have seen them rarely since we moved from Virginia in 2009, about the same time that the "wedding years" of our generation of cousins petered out, but over the last couple of years, we've reconnected - travel is easier, my husband designed a mountain house for them, and they came to Coronado and Austin a couple of times. And now we are starting to enter the "funeral years" of our parents' generation, sad to say - but soon enough the wedding years of our kids simultaneously, offering more opportunities to gather. 

On Tuesday, we went out to eat with our college friends, a couple who started dating about the same time we did. It was like no time at all had passed between the last time we saw each other, which was back in our Chicagoland days nearly 20 years ago, when we all lived in the suburbs and occasionally met up when our babies were little. We were pregnant together a couple of times in those years. Over delicious food - all the vegetables! - and drinks, we laughed and talked and parted reluctantly with the comforting knowledge that good friends are for a lifetime.

The next few days were spent mostly at the track. My parents drove down to join us in cheering, and we stayed at a cute inn on the beautiful campus of Elon University, which looks just what a southern college should look like with big, shady trees and red brick buildings, about 30 mins from the track. We picked Elon because all of the affordable hotels in Greensboro were booked by the families of the other 14,999 athletes.  It was hot and muggy, but the sun was out, and I love a good race, so the days went by quickly. Our daughter placed 8th, which gets a medal, in the 800 m and 4th in the 4x 800 relay, which also earned a medal. In the 4x 400, her team placed 16th in the semi-finals, so no medal, and they did not place high enough to get a spot in the finals, which were supposed to be on Saturday. 

Our original plan was that we'd fly the 5 members of the family living at home this summer out for the first part of the week for a visit with the cousins, and then my husband and the 2 kids not running would fly back on Thursday evening to return to work/life and to save money, since we knew the runner might not run on Saturday.  As it turned out, their Thursday flight became one of the summer travel cancellation statistics, so they were able to stay one more day and watch the Friday race. 

When we found out their flight was changed, and we knew that she wasn't running on Saturday, I called the airline to find out their rescheduling policy. After waiting and waiting to talk to a live person from the airline, I made the decision to rebook on the same flight as the rest of the family since when the receptionist said there was no charge to change. As soon as I did, though, I had a sinking feeling about cutting short our vacation. NOOOOO!, my inner critic yelled, What have I done?!  I had just canceled our second visit with our college friends, with whom we were planning to stay Saturday night! I could have rebooked for Saturday afternoon, so I would still have had the rest of Friday for a day of relaxing, potentially going for a hike in the woods of North Carolina, and then meeting our friends for dinner. Now I had just cancelled my fun!

So for a few days I wallowed in a cesspool of self-pity - or maybe it was just post-party depression - because our most recent summer vacation trip was cut short by a day and a half. Why do I second guess my decisions all the time? While I had been waiting on the phone to speak to someone, I had been doing calculations -- I figured there would be a fee to rebook the flight, so I wasn't really thinking about the reality of the decision. I also knew I would save money on a night in a hotel if I was able to rebook. Then I was balancing spending the extra time with friends whom we had already had dinner with earlier in the week with spending the extra time with the kids, who had some invitations for the weekend, and I have a list of stuff to get done before school starts, as well.  When the airline phone attendant said there was no fee and asked if she should go ahead, I said yes, not thinking about how disappointed I would feel to give up the extra visit and the time alone with just the one daughter. 

As I am writing this, I am questioning why I am still ruminating on this decision - there is a lesson here for me. I often choose what seems to be the responsible thing to do, but isn't always the thing I want to do. We are at the point that we can spend money on a vacation and the kids don't need as much hands-on supervision, and yet I haven't mentally released myself from that mindset of saving money and watching kids. I am frustrated by missing out on the last day of vacation, but also for overthinking my inability to think clearly about decisions like this. I need a policy - like always say YES to friend and family time! But then, it's also family time back here. . . so while having a policy sounds good, it also is hard to apply. I still need to practice not overthinking - perhaps by setting priorities based on values to help guide decisions, and sticking with those values by deciding without rethinking.  As someone who chronically second guesses decisions, knowing WHY I decide something would help me decide and move on. 

The fact that I was sad to go is evidence of how much we loved North Carolina - it was so green and lush, and the family time was restorative. It was a wonderful way to end the summer. 

Reading on our early morning flight - which also had to be rebooked when our original flight was cancelled on the way to NC - fortunately, we were able to rebook on an earlier flight, although getting up at 3:30 am was painful.

 

Backyard adventures - tree climbing and swinging. Not pictured: Badminton, trampolining, koi feeding, and mosquito swatting

Track fans with big heads!

 

Pool time with the cousins

 

Riding small vehicles and hiding cousins behind the lintels when parents aren't aware...

 

Scenes from the campus of Elon - including our hotel balcony

The inn provided bikes for touring campus

Visiting a Greensboro botanical garden

The UNC- Greensboro art museum. A rubber band in a corner helps you conceptualize space, in case you were wondering.

Other artwork at the museum

Medalist!