An end to an era - Transitioning to civilian life

 Here is one last post about this summer, dedicated to my husband's change of command ceremony and transition to civilian life --Our last Navy event, unless we head back for a ball or some fundraiser or someone else's retirement party.

Presenting Dad with an award and a painting

For so many years, this milestone seemed in the distant future; it's hard to believe it is over. Kind of like getting married or kids graduating from high school - distant events when you are 17 or 27, but suddenly they happen, and life goes on. It's a big change that we still haven't really processed completely, I don't think. No more moving because we have to move - only if we want to. No more long separations. But also no more safety nets of fellow military families, no more experiences we'd never have discovered if it weren't for the Navy. No more free medicine and other benefits, like free passes to National Parks. The biggest loss is that piece of identity that constituted immediate belonging when life shifted - we are a military family no longer. 

Back in the old days...Dan returning from deployment to Afghanistan

To mark this transition, it is traditional to have a ceremony and a big party, so of course that's what we did. Fortunately, the summer dip in Covid cases allowed for a large crowd and many family members and friends showed their support by coming out to California one last time to see us (they may be back to see others ...) 

My husband had been making notes for this ceremony for years while attending other retirements. In addition to the traditional elements of a change of command ceremony, he added a few special parts. A chief read a poem he had written. A former CO gave a heartfelt speech and presented an award. His current commandant gave a nice tribute - but accidentally called our daughter Claire "Clark" - a nickname that will stick.  And then my husband presented his mom and my mom flowers, his dad a flag flown over all his duty stations, including Notre Dame, and his kids and me gifts that represented where they were born. Very touching.  Lots of photos were taken, lots of thank yous said, lots of love everywhere.

Teenager working at the pizza/wineshop to make dinner for the cousins and aunts and uncles who arrived. Lotsa pizza.

Good times

Lots of smiles

This sign was changed before we left for the afternoon...

The long horns seem prescient - gathering in the wardroom

Scenes from the ceremony - there is the piping aboard, prayers by the chaplain, singing of the national anthem, remarks from the commandant, presentation of awards, remarks from the outgoing CO (Dan), then the passing of the colors, short remarks by the incoming CO, and then piping ashore, a last sad farewell to a fulfilling career.

An additional element - One of the masterchiefs reading his original poem about what and who "the Navy" is. 

One last family portrait with construction equipment. Sorry they had already removed the American flag in the background...

Pround parents

The kids with their awards

Ladies

The boys

Another family portrait - we are 10!

Siblings

See ya!

Partytime

My little speech and gift - still need to make a print of the real family portrait

Looking back at these photos is hard. The day went by so quickly. There were so many people to hug and to thank. There are a lot more photos, filled with the faces of friends and family who have loved us across the miles and over the years. Notes and gifts also arrived from those who couldn't attend.  I hope the years bring more opportunities for our paths to cross - for intentional gatherings and random run-ins. But there won't be any more long morning walks on the beach, no more book club gatherings with too much food and wine, no more happy hours around the fire pit, no more concerts in the park, no more chitchat in front yards and after Mass and around time. So many dear, dear people have now passed out of our lives. We'll go back to visit, but it won' be the same. We'll be like ghosts haunting from the past, except with those few who have become like family because of the shared memories. We never lived any place long enough before here to form those attachment, which makes this move all that much harder. In addition, it was our choice to leave, although that was the presumption from the time we arrived - we were only passing through. Moving is like a death, more than I want to admit. 

Enough maudlin thoughts for now. The party really was awesome, though, if I do say so myself.  At the party after the party after the ceremony, I should have made a speech. I really did mean to write something down, but somehow I never got around to it. I gave a sort of rambling tribute to friendship and support and praised my husband for being a great guy, but in retrospect it should have been a toast, or something more thoughtful and coherent. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. Missed opportunity number 1212121212.  Does he know how much I love him? Probably not because I have been a real prickly pear lately. Time for another apology and a new day tomorrow. 

Life. It goes on. 

Staying put for now

That last post seems so long ago, now. We aren't going anywhere for the next few weeks or months. And by then the economy may have imploded, so our question about retiring or staying in the Navy may be postponed for the foreseeable future - or at least a few months. So what answer did my husband give the detailer - just before Covid-19 stalled everything?  He left it open-ended: He wrote that he was thinking about retiring, but he would be willing to fill a command position if needed.  Now perhaps the exodus of top leaders from the military will be slowed, as the economy crashes and burns, so they may ask him to go ahead and retire.

I have been meaning to post something, anything, but I can't seem to focus when I sit down to type. I spend a lot of time reading stories about the virus and checking stats. Or shopping online for school supplies but not buying anything. I swing, as I suspect many people do, between hoping that this radical shut down of businesses, schools, events, and churches will make a difference, and worrying that the cure is worse than the disease: First, are all the losses: lost jobs, lost educational opportunities, lost sacraments and faith. All these students who were to graduate from college this year are now confronted with the possibility, if not likelihood, of joblessness, along with an inability to take tests like the GRE, the MCAT, LSAT, and PE so that they can move on with their futures. 

And then there are the dangers: what about those people who teeter on the edge of health - mental and physical - who aren't getting the care they need? Is anyone tracking an increase in domestic violence and child abuse? A rise in addictions?  

I am hopeful that the long term effects of this shutdown won't be as bad as I might imagine. I know I have a tendency to imagine the worst-case scenario - and I occasionally indulge in conspiracy theory ideas. (Which enemy government is trying to weaken America's economy and security?) I am trying not to read too much on the internet or to watch movies like Contagion or Flu, although the kids wanted to.  Maybe they would scare me into greater docility.

Don't get me wrong - we are following the rules for distancing ourselves. We have stopped having playdates, although until last Thursday, we did go to the park and walk with friends. I have let the girls go rollerblading with their friends. We live in a community where neighbors can talk to each other through their windows, and people can get outside and walk and sit on the beach six feet apart.  No one is playing on the playgrounds anymore, but kids are out biking, and families are playing ball in the green space across the street. There seems to be a natural rotation of people there - never too many at once.  People are leaving free boxes of board games in the little free libraries, of which there are many.  There are a lot of posts on Facebook from people wanting to help others.  I loaded up on books and movies at the library the previous Friday, when it was announced that the schools would close.  And now no late fees! I wish I had checked out more dumb novels. I can't concentrate on the books I got - The Lady and the Monk, by Pico Iyer, Backpacking with the Saints by Belden Lane, I can't even remember now what else.  I have been reading the Wall Street Journal practically cover to cover. And the 5-year-old and I have finished 20 Magic Tree House books over the past couple months.  We've watched the seventh season of the Father Brown series - edging into some contemporary issues but still engaging. How many murders can one small town in England have? 

What else have we done? Some yard work this weekend. The kids played Monopoly one day for a long time. The kindergartener has done a lot of art on her own and from watching drawing videos. I love the "Lunch Doodles with Mo Willems."  We went for a hike one day and only saw 4 other people - it was a rainy day. The oldest and I took a long bike ride. The boys built some benches for our church. Our church was still having adoration on Wednesday and Thursday this week, limited to 10 people at a time, but after Mass (on live-stream) on Sunday, the pastor read a letter from the Archbishop which made it sound like this may not continue. The saddest part is that the churches will not reopen for the Easter Liturgies.  But then the military bishop who lives at our rectory when he is in town made an announcement that suggested that priests would still follow in the footsteps of the martyrs in ministering to their congregation. There's a part of me that hopes our priest will be a renegade and keep the doors of the church open and take communion to the homebound.  I don't want him to get in trouble or spread disease, but surely, surely, this virus is not as insidious as the plagues of the past and the wars and persecutions that limited movement and yet did not prevent Mass and the sacraments from taking place.

I like having the kids home. They are getting along for the most part. I feel like I'm constantly telling the one to take a break from video games, but it is a social outlet for him, and for this week at least, they have no assigned school work, while the public school system tries to figure out how to reach students without internet access or a device at home (phones are not useful for distance learning). Our oldest is here - he had been on spring break in Arizona when schools shut down. The other two are with my parents in Indiana. My husband is still in the Middle East.  He thought he was going to have a hard Lent without access to sacraments and now we are all in the same boat. (We did all rush to confession the Saturday after schools closed - was that just last week?)  There have been a number of blessings that have come from the slower pace of life and the opportunity to pray together more intentionally and to reset our focus on what's important.  The kids are pitching in with chores and cooking, and I'm hoping to get the garage cleaned out before this is all over... 

I actually have not even come close to running out of food yet, after I went on a shopping spree last weekend and stocked up. I probably could last at least 2 more weeks with what we have - although we'd have to get into the shelf stable milk, of which I bought 4 quarts.  (Which makes me wonder when I hear about continuing shortages at the grocery - are people eating more or still stocking up? Who has room for all that food? How much will get thrown away? A package of 12 double or triple rolls of toilet paper lasts our family almost a month - How much toilet paper can people go through?) 

I wonder what will be the endpoint of this shutdown: When there are no new cases? When a vaccine is found? When temporary hospitals are built, staffed, and supplied so that the fear of the medical system being flooded is addressed? Why can our country produce so much junk and not be able to produce a simple test that would allow people to know whether they need to isolate themselves? 

My hope is that it doesn't last too long, that researchers and developers find that vaccine or cure, that the numbers of new cases start to fall instead of rise. I like to think that most people will benefit from the extra time with family and not be too stressed by it. I pray that this will be a time of retreat with the Lord, a time to draw closer to Him, and to grow in compassion for our neighbors. Our friends' kids are posting a joke a day in their window. It is a time of recovery for the environment, even if just a little, and lots of people were out in the sunshine this weekend, enjoying creation. People are gardening and painting and eating dinner together as a family. May the good far outweigh the losses. 

This was in the beginning of March - a friend's change of command and retirement ceremony. Little did we know it would be the last event we'd go to for awhile 

Lots of gold stripes at this event.

Jets on display as the sun sets on a Navy aviator's career.
A fun fact: This friend joined the Navy after being inspired by Top Gun, and during his last year of service, helped facilitate the filming of Top Gun 2 at this base. 

Greetings and good-byes

Life has been roiling around here. The big boys are home, so more bodies and voices are taking up space and driving away in cars when I need one.  They also have been helpful with finishing off leftovers and piling up laundry.  Best of all, they have been generous with hugs and watching baby sisters, so it has been a true delight to have them home despite the increase in dirty dishes and laundry.

We have had a lot of celebrations in May - the boys coming home, two confirmations, several birthdays, Mother's Day, award ceremonies, end of the season potlucks, prom, Memorial Day weekend, farewell teas, and feasts with friends visiting from afar.

This time of year is always full of comings and goings, but this spring the Navy is taking several good friends away from us.  I can't bring myself to go to library story time this week because our best preschool friend left this past weekend, and her two little boys won't be there for LK to sit with. And my middle school daughter is dragging her feet every morning because her best friend who usually stops by each morning to walk to school with her has also moved out. There are still two weeks left of school, but one by one our friends are saying goodbye.

This is the peril of military life.  Usually, it is we who are leaving after a couple of years, but this time we are watching our friends here pack up.  I've tried to pay forward some of the help we received in the past - watching kids and dogs, bringing by baked goods, washing a few windows, taking bags of half-finished condiments. Inside I'm quietly dreading the summer months and then the school year without them.  It seems like we had just crossed the boundary between acquaintances to friends to good friends when it is time for them to go. And it might be a little easier if it were just one family, but multiple of our favorite families are leaving.

The only consolation is that this week also brought visits from friends we knew from Navy life elsewhere. First, last Sunday we met up for a quick coffee with friends we met 12 years ago in Norfolk. Their oldest son is stationed here, and they came out to welcome him home from a deployment. I'm hoping they'll visit again because we didn't have enough time to talk about all the things that came tripping out once we got going. It was like no time had passed at all. Too short of a visit but wonderful to catch up in the flesh.

Then we welcomed our son's girlfriend for a week's reunion. She had been in Ireland this past semester and came out to surprise him after he had his ACL repaired in his knee. He's been laid up since he came home from school after this injury derailed his plans for the summer.  She's always a smiling face and welcome visitor

Finally we hosted our best friends from Guam who came out to celebrate his pending retirement with west coast friends since they used to live here, and to run the Rock and Roll half marathon with the organization Wear Blue: Run to Remember, which honors fallen service members, in memory of our friends' son who died in an incident just as we were leaving Guam.

We had a great weekend reconnecting while roasting marshmallows at a beach bonfire, drinking coffee, and picnicking at the Sunday night concert in the park.  My only complaint is that because we had so many people to visit with, I felt a little like I had ADD; I was always thinking about catching up with the next person. Yet again I found myself wishing for more hours in the day to spend with the friends we have made over the years and across the miles.

National Poetry-Military Child- Keep American Beautiful - Birthday- Month

April has brought a flurry of celebrations to our household - and snow flurries elsewhere.  We are enjoying spring-like weather, strawberry picking, birthday cakes, and front porch discussions.  April is also the month of the military child, National Poetry Month, Keep America Beautiful, and Garden Show month. Something for everyone!

Here are our military kids wearing purple to recognize the resiliency and gifts that military kids have to offer.

And here is our birthday girl turning four. After much waffling about preschool for next year, I have decided we'll continue with our co-op and not send her to preschool in the fall. The encouragement of our older kids to home school her influenced the decision.  And she likes playing school. The hardest part will be for me to continue to put off things I would like to do with free time.

Her dad also had a big birthday, number 45, but I don't have as many cute pictures of him enjoying his cake. On his birthday we went to a Crisis Pregnancy Center fundraiser with some friends and heard abortion survivor Gianna Jessen speak. She was funny, frank, politically incorrect, and inspirational.  She had all the men stand up and do a Braveheart yell for "Freedom." We didn't expect to enjoy the evening so much. And we celebrated his birthday again a couple days later along with a friend who has a birthday the same weekend.

Our house got a yellow ribbon in the local garden competition - all the houses are judged. They were generous this year. The annual competition does encourage people to tidy up their yards and plant fresh flowers. Last year I redid our big pots with fresh perrenials - African daisies. They are still blooming this year, although they look a little raggedy.  I wasn't motivated to redo the pots until I went to the local garden store. But I think succulents might make more sense than flowers because of the water issues.  

A broken aeonium growing  babies

Roses in bloom at a park

Someone else's pretty Siberian Iris

Someone else's pretty planter with ranunculus. I want to copy this someday.

Someone else's wisteria - something else I would like to plant. 

Can you see the baby betta fish? The fry hatched but the next day they were gone. Dead, devoured? This was attempt number 3 to hatch baby bettas and the first time the eggs hatched. 

Strawberry picking in Carlsbad. Strawberries really do taste better eaten in a sunny field right off the plant. 

The famous flower fields in Carlsbad. You can pay $18 to walk through them, or park at the outlet mall and take a photo for free. 

April is also beach volleyball and track season.  I am coaching middle school track again this year.  I'm always surprised by the number of kids who come out for track but don't want to run. I have to race from track to class on Wednesdays. Wednesdays are also our co-op field trip day and the day the middle schoolers come home from school early and middle school youth group day. It ends up being an exhausting day, so I look forward to Thursdays as a recovery day. Is there a National Laundry Month? Because that's about how long I need to get all the clothes washed and folded and put away.

And finally, from the Poetry Foundation website, a poem for today by abolitionist Lucy Larcom:

"The Nineteenth of April"       BY LUCY LARCOM

This year, till late in April, the snow fell thick and light:
Thy truce-flag, friendly Nature, in clinging drifts of white,
Hung over field and city: now everywhere is seen,
In place of that white quietness, a sudden glow of green.

The verdure climbs the Common, beneath the leafless trees,
To where the glorious Stars and Stripes are floating on the breeze.
There, suddenly as Spring awoke from Winter’s snow-draped gloom,
The Passion-Flower of Seventy-six is bursting into bloom.

Dear is the time of roses, when earth to joy is wed,
And garden-plot and meadow wear one generous flush of red;
But now in dearer beauty, to her ancient colors true,
Blooms the old town of Boston in red and white and blue.

Along the whole awakening North are those bright emblems spread;
A summer noon of patriotism is burning overhead:
No party badges flaunting now, no word of clique or clan;
But “Up for God and Union!” is the shout of every man.

Oh, peace is dear to Northern hearts; our hard-earned homes more dear;
But freedom is beyond the price of any earthly cheer;
And freedom’s flag is sacred; he who would work it harm,
Let him, although a brother, beware our strong right arm!

A brother! ah, the sorrow, the anguish of that word!
The fratricidal strife begun, when will its end be heard?
Not this the boon that patriot hearts have prayed and waited for;—
We loved them, and we longed for peace: but they would have it war.

Yes; war! on this memorial day, the day of Lexington,
A lightning-thrill along the wires from heart to heart has run.
Brave men we gazed on yesterday, to-day for us have bled:
Again is Massachusetts blood the first for Freedom shed.

To war,—and with our brethren, then,—if only this can be!
Life hangs as nothing in the scale against dear Liberty!
Though hearts be torn asunder, for Freedom we will fight:
Our blood may seal the victory, but God will shield the Right!

Source: “Words for the Hour”: A New Anthology of American Civil War Poetry, edited by Faith Barrett and Cristanne Miller (University of Massachusetts Press, 2005)

Family Life Committee notes

Before heading off on our trip, I wanted to make a few notes about the Family Life and Spirituality Committee that we are on for our parish. This committee was formed after the Diocesan synod on Amoris Laetitia last year. A few parishes were chosen as pilot parishes to observe, to be witnesses, to plan, and to host events to help strengthen families and communities  - in other words, to share the joy of the gospel of love.  Our parish picked three populations to focus on: young adults, married couples with or without children, and divorced or separated people. Someone mentioned we don't have a focus on singles, so that is something we will probably add in the future.

Our parish already offers an array of programs that offer opportunities for fellowship and catechesis, but we talked about making sure we get the word out and make personal invitations to these events, but also that we focus our attention on having just one or two events per quarter in each of four areas: fellowship, social outreach, catechesis, and spiritual life.  So each group is supposed to plan some events or help promote already existing ones.  So we've had a date night with a concert, a talk by a couple on attachment theory in marriage, an Oktoberfest for families, a food packaging event for social outreach, and then a blessing for couples celebrating their anniversaries this quarter. An evening of Taize music and adoration is planned in Advent. The challenge is not to overload people but to offer enough events that if someone misses something, they can come to the next thing. And the bigger idea is not to offer events just to have a full social roster, but to offer opportunities to deepen our friendship with Christ and our neighbor and to strengthen bonds among family members so that they live the joy of love.

A challenge for our parish, I think, is to encourage people to take advantage of the sacraments more - come to daily mass, or confession, or one of the small groups that prepare for Sunday's Mass with a gospel reflection, come to the rosary prayer group, come to adoration, which is always offered on Wednesday and Thursday morning.  People in our community have rich social lives, but may need an invitation to enrich their spiritual lives.

Last Saturday the Diocese had a review session for the pilot parishes. It was an opportunity for idea sharing and review of what works and what doesn't. The diocese has hired four new staff members to work on outreach to young adults, those preparing for marriage, married couples, and divorced/separated. The Diocese also just held a mass in honor of the anniversary of "Always our Children" for families of those who identify as LGBT.  The man who organized it was very moved by the responses he received to that event.

The morning review was very positive. There are lots of exciting things going on and LOTS of people excited to share Christ and the blessings of a vibrant parish community with others.  It was an encouraging event, and the room buzzed with the energy and enthusiasm of these people dedicated to encouraging the Joy of Love in action.

Here are some notes I made from the day:

Every church has a slightly different charism so no one model works everywhere BUT

1. One church has a family catechesis breakfast every other month. They also have date nights and do a book study with married couples. Several parishes were promoting date nights with or without a program (videos, adoration, meet the clergy were some suggested). 
2. Scheduling activities around Mass seemed popular
3. Having family service projects was popular idea - I concur
4. Another church had a praise and worship concert for families that was well attended
5. Involving young adults/youth in liturgy keeps them coming to Mass
6. One parish has a young adult dinner with the priest - 6-8 young people once a week by personal invitation it sounds like.  Another group did this with young married couples, but dinners were hosted by deacon and wife.
7. Need for charismatic leaders was emphasized - need to form leaders.  Diocese is trying to train more young adults to be leaders with a retreat coming up.
8. Marriage mentors was an idea that was shared by a couple groups
9. Another parish has a welcoming committee to welcome new families
10. Welcoming separated and divorced to come to Mass is important.  Having a BBQ suggested, reaching out to parents and kids. 
11. Spirituality also important to address - helping people get to know Christ and welcome Him into their homes: Adoration, Bible studies, and small groups all seemed to be successful events to foster prayer life. 
12. One idea on a poster from the divorced/separated table was the suggestion to teach ongoing relationship skills.  Another was to offer workshop on healing
13. After going to the marriage prep day last Saturday, it struck me that most of the couples were looking for practical advice more than theology, so maybe offering talks or workshops on things like Financial Management, Practical Parenting Skills, Communicating Effectively, Anger Management, Managing Social Media  - but with a Catholic perspective might be helpful.  
14. Another thought I had - Find ways to celebrate events in the Church calendar in a small way to help families make Catholic traditions a part of family life. This is something home schooling families do well: Have special saint day celebrations with foods associated with the saint. The All Saints Day Mass is a great witness of this, and May Crowning - any way to involve the parish in the school event or have an additional parish May Crowning? And the St. Patrick's Day dinner and Oktoberfest events are a great example of this - so maybe nothing new is needed. Perhaps other ways to celebrate: give kids something for Epiphany or Pentecost: red balloons? Special donuts with little flames or doves on them? Crowns for the kids on Christ the King? Something special for Feast of Sacred Heart?  Something - coffee and donuts or cookies? - to celebrate on each of the Holy Days of Obligation?  Nothing big but a little reminder of feasts and fasts - kids quickly pick up on special traditions.

This Saturday we were going to observe the Diocese's new marriage prep program, but the presenters on marriage and military life cancelled, so we got to give a little testimony. It went much better than the last time we had to give one, but we still need to work on our message.  We spent too much time at the beginning on introductions and telling our story and ran out of time to summarize the "lessons" we have learned - which is what they want to hear. As my husband and I were talking it over on the way home, we came to the conclusion we need to start with the lessons and then share little stories to illustrate how we learned them.  Our lessons were based on something I had posted on this blog before, but I think we need to revise them for an audience of people just starting out.  Anyway, another lesson for marriage is that doing things like marriage prep and sitting on spirituality committees makes you realize how much you need to live your own advice. Another lesson: constant education and review is helpful for keeping track of what's good in your marriage - and what needs work... usually in your own self. 

So many little things

I have been thinking of many things lately but with little time to process them; perhaps it is time for a quick takes type post?

1. While Northern California is suffering from wildfires, it has been scorching hot down here. School was out one whole day and two half days for heat because temps were in the 90s and the school is not air-conditioned. I was sorry I didn't neglect responsibilities and head to the hills. I have been craving a camping trip this fall, but it doesn't look like we'll have a weekend away after all.  I worried about my new friend I had made because I'm sure she doesn't have air conditioning either, but she called me yesterday out of the blue. I'm glad she remembered me and that now I have her number because a big locked gate surrounds her house, making it impossible to knock on her door.

2. A great deal of thought lately has been devoted to college applications. Our third son is in the thick of essay writing for an early decision deadline. I am once again knocking my head on the wall for not encouraging him to write more this summer.  I vowed this time would be different after the angst and suffering of watching the older boys write and writhe over this process, and yet here we are again with five days until the deadline and essays still needing revision. Life keeps interrupting.

3. One happy distraction is planning for our preschool co-op, which is going well.  About 8 moms and 12 kids (3 of whom are siblings in the 10-16 month range) are meeting Monday mornings at our church for a couple hours of stories, songs, and crafts. I've been having fun picking out activities from cheery online resources, although I am usually the story person and not the craft lady.  The idea is that each mom prepares for a station and that we'll rotate each month. The stations are circle time with prayer, story and sharing, then craft and activity - usually planned by a mom who has an OT background, so she incorporates gross and fine motor skills, then snack, music and movement, free play, and a final story. But someone is always absent, so we have only changed jobs a couple times, which perhaps is just as well because we are getting into a good routine. The kids know what to expect and are happy to be together. We have a good mix of boys and girls.  LC loves it - it is just the right mix of organized activity and unstructured fun. She comes home and asks for homework - coloring pages and letter pages and cut and paste number pages. Then on Wednesdays we have been meeting for a field trip or a park playdate. We were supposed to go to the pumpkin patch yesterday, but with the heat, we just went to the beach.

4. I had an interview the other day to teach at another community college, but I think I blew it accidentally on purpose. At the school where I am teaching now on base, enrollment is way down, so I only have one small class. With another kid heading to college next year, I'd like to add another class to my schedule, although with this pre-school thing, teaching CRE, and managing - or mismanaging - home life, I want the timing to be on my terms. So I filled out some online applications and got an email invitation to an interview. The drawback was that it was at the campus on the north side of the county a half an hour away without traffic.  I liked the dean of the department when I met her and being on a real campus again in a department - as opposed to the little regional office with two classrooms on base where I work now - was invigorating.  But in the interview, I revealed my limited schedule. I haven't heard anything back. I think about emailing to reconnect, but then I think, I don't really want that job anyway. The little one will be in kindergarten in two years. And as much as I think about what I would be doing if I didn't have a three-year-old, I continue to ponder homeschooling again.

5. The class I am teaching is going well. I had a student who actually asked for more work and not just anything - he thought Engl 102 was going to be a literature course, which at other institutions it often is, but not this one. This English 102 is focused on writing research papers. Over the last couple terms, I have trimmed the syllabus because students weren't doing the readings, weren't turning things in. Now should I lengthen it again? I am making up a list of recommended readings and will send him some vocabulary words for discussing vocabulary and a few prompts for paper topics centered around literature. And I'm rethinking my approach.  Meanwhile, I've been frustrated with my daughter's English teacher who consistently gives low marks on writing assignments but gives no feedback or explanation of his scoring. He handed out a rubric at the beginning of the term, but he doesn't indicate how the points he gives correlate to the rubric. In other words, he writes a number on the top of the paper and that's it. No other marks. As a teacher who devotes a lot of time to feedback so my students can actually learn from their mistakes (if they read it), I am almost irrationally irritated. I've told her to go and talk to him, but I also want to send a scornful email accusing him of laziness.d

6. Boy Scouts - Why? Why? Why? This is old news, but if you haven't heard, Boy Scouts of America is now allowing girls to join.  On their website it sounds like Packs and Troops will have the choice of whether or not to admit girls in separate parallel groups or in co-ed "family" groups.  On the one hand, I have often wished that my girls had the option to join something more like Boy Scouts.  My daughter and I both had negative experiences with our one year of Brownies - nothing particularly egregious; we mostly felt bored and we hate to sell cookies.  The challenge to success inherent in the programs offered by Girl Scouts is that the individual leaders determine the direction of the group, and if they are not outdoorsy types, then camping, hiking, boating, and those kinds of things don't happen.  I understand why women and girls are attracted to the program BSA offers.  However, I am skeptical about the success of a co-ed group. BSA already has Venture Crew and Explorers, which are co-ed groups for high schoolers. They haven't really taken off most places. My real fear is that the type of moms who are already involved in Boy Scouts are often the type who take the fun out of things by being bureaucrats and safety police - not that safety and rules aren't important, but the focus on paperwork and what not to do tend to limit what you can do. I am concerned that with more girls involved, more moms will get involved and soon the problems of Girl Scouts will be the problems of Boy Scouts. My first choice would be to continue the program that allows the boys to enjoy time with other boys and male mentors, and give the girls the opportunity to do something similar but different, which may be what happens with these parallel groups. I used to love the program I did with my dad called Indian Princesses (not politically correct anymore) through the YMCA. We camped, carved, burned wood and leather, and learned other outdoors skills. It was super fun and special to spend time with my dad doing outdoorsy, survival things.

The other complaint I would make to BSA is to bemoan the way this announcement was made - a public relations nightmare. Most of our scouting friends were completely caught off guard by this decision. It seems like a tyrannical move on the part of the Board of Directors to make the announcement with little conversation about the change among members. And it feels like a betrayal in a way of their own core principles. Of course, the reason why they did it without discussion is obvious - they didn't want to negotiate.

We are not quitting boy scouts - or scouting. I could be wrong in my pessimistic expectations.  Maybe LC will even be a scout. But I'm not celebrating the change.

7. We went to a dinner the other night (see top photo on the previous post) for the Seabee Historical Foundation.  We were one of the younger couples there. It was a night to honor the Navy's Construction Battalions and Civil Engineer Corps and to thank donors to the Seabee museum. And it was also a night of stories told by retirees about their experiences and about the generation that preceded them and that founded the branch of the Navy that builds and fights. One guy told a story about how during an air raid in Vietnam, the Seabees positioned themselves near the runway. As soon as the enemy finished bombing the runway and had flown off, the Seabees would come in with shovels and dirt and fill the holes. They don't get the glory, but they make it possible for others to do their job without dying.

There was another young couple at our table. The Seabee was from Appalachia, and his wife was from Poland. She had less of an accent than he did. But his hobby is working with programming and 3D printers and the programs he designs in his spare time are so complex I can't explain them here. So he wants to get out of the military soon and work on these models. What impressed me about his story is the contrast of his impoverished youth with his ingenuity and optimism about possibilities. Growing up without running water did not limit his imagination or confidence.

8. I have been missing fall weather and color, missing our older boys, missing having time to go on a weekend camping trip, longing to move away from our busy street corner in a busy city to someplace quieter, more pastoral. Here is link to a trailer for a movie about Wendell Berry: https://vimeo.com/216446791

It's a melancholy time of year, almost November, "no fruits, no flowers, no birds, no leaves - November!"
Remembering that old poem by Thomas Hood (I had to look up the author) reminds me to share a link to an article about Richard Wilbur, perhaps my favorite that has been passed around following his death: https://www.firstthings.com/article/2011/06/gods-patient-stet. From Mystery and Manners.

Fall's return

Midway through September, Fall's cooler weather has yet to return.  Neither have we quite returned to the semblance of a regular routine. Schedules are still in flux. Houseguests are still coming and going. But the initial flurry of back to school parent meetings and fee deposits have slowed, and I predict that by the end of the month, we won't be doing the constant checking "What do you have tonight?"

This school year the kids are in even grades, and we again have a senior in high school, but no kids in elementary school. While I should be more prepared for the senior year stress, it still has the capacity to cause blood pressure to rise.  Why didn't he do more preparation over the summer?  Why didn't I have more conversations with this son about vocation and life purpose and the meaning of education before this moment? While he has made a stab at writing a personal statement, the current drafts aren't memorable essays. But now the craziness of a heavy load of school work has descended. This same son is still working at the candy store and half-heartedly participating on the cross country team.

And yesterday I cause more stress by killing his and his sister's guinea pigs by leaving them outside too long.  They were in the shade, but apparently it was warmer than I realized. When I brought them in, they both were panting.  There was a moment when I thought they would revive, and another moment when I considered taking them to the vet for IV fluids, and then the moment that I realized first one, and then the other, weren't going to make it. Woe! They were only pet store rodents, but they have cute faces, and suffering and death are always hard to witness.  I couldn't bring myself to do anything to hasten their death, even when I realized it was inevitable. Instead I spent a good part of the day trying to cool them and give them drops of water and gentle pats and fretting about taking any action beyond palliative care. The three year old was quite attentive, and she heard me talking to the vet and wanted to go. I almost thought it would be a fun field trip, but the cost of IV fluids would have been many times more what we paid for these pets, who were often ignored and who had no great chance of survival anyway.  I tried to channel my inner farmgirl attitude towards small animals, but still it is difficult to be the cause of death of a small cuddly creature that your child loves.

In better news, we spent the past two weeks hosting my husband's parents, who came out to California from Oklahoma with a loaded camper trailer, following the path of the Joads. They came for my husband's promotion to captain, which barring some unforeseen event, will likely be his terminal rank.  The ceremony does not have the pomp and circumstance of a change of command or a retirement, but it is traditional to host a party afterward. We just had pizza, cake, and beer and wine, and invited military and civilian friends, and in addition to my in-laws, hosted my cousins and my brother-in-law and his family. It wasn't a huge event planning wise, but all were in good spirits.

We took the grandparents to a few San Diego sites, the most unique being a new facility for special warfare communities which was a building project my husband has been working on. But they were mostly content to just hang out with us and to enjoy their camp spot on the bay. Which, as you can see in the photos, had a great view.  They stayed at an MWR facility, as my father-in-law is a retired 28 year Coast Guard veteran. These types of recreation sites are one of the oft overlooked perks of military life, and the quality of this particular location is outstanding. This trip was a major drive for them, but it came off without incident. They are still on the way home, taking their time stopping at the Grand Canyon and Santa Fe. We pray the return will be similarly rewarding so that they'll come again!

The grandparents' view with kids on paddle boards

Administering the oath of office

Circa 1996 commissioning as an ensign. Note 1 bar

Attaching the new shoulder boards

Cap'n Cook

Interior of the iconic I-bar, familiar to many from Top Gun

A change of command ceremony for my husband's outgoing/incoming bossses on the USS Midway. Note the proliferation of white uniforms. 

Our friend, a Navy doctor, paired up with another doc and had a much more elaborate promotion party, which is called a wetting down. We joked that they thought it was a wedding down. They rented a venue and had this lively live band.

Labor day weekend pool fun

Enjoying the warmth of a mid September sun.