Blessings in Advent

The stockings are hung, the tree is aglitter, and the fourth Advent candle has been lit. The first has burned almost down to the nib. Christmas is only a couple of days away.

Christmas this year feels a little different than Christmases past. The biggest difference is that not all of our kids are home. Our second oldest, who is studying architecture in Rome for the year, stayed in Europe to travel and is spending Christmas with his aunt and uncle and cousins in Germany.  The house still feels a little empty, even though we were happy to welcome home the two other college boys and add some people to the table. The four-year-old has been ecstatic to have them home and has kept them busy playing restaurant and reading to her and being another audience for her knock-knock jokes.

Another difference is that we are not traveling this year at Christmas or hosting family.  Aside from the two years we lived in Guam, we have always either traveled to see family over Christmas break or welcomed my parents or the cousins here. Since we just visited with everyone in October, we aren't making the trek across the country, nor is anyone coming here. When we first decided to stay put, it seemed like a good idea, but now I'm feeling a little nostalgic. And knowing how happy I am to have my big boys home, I now have more sympathy for our parents' desire to be surrounded by family during the holidays. Having the kids home is part of the reason we decided to stay put, although there is still a part of me that wishes we were going to reconnect with all of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. 

Despite having a quieter Advent, it seems that I still haven't managed to do the things I meant to. What's that saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?   I feel like I've been laying down a ton of bricks on that road lately.  I don't know if it is just because I am getting older, or because I am torn in too many directions and end up stalled. But I had the best of intentions to do certain things this year, this month, this week, yesterday, that never happened.

Many of those things didn't happen because I started working.  As I suspected, preparation, grading, and reading for this class took about 10 times more hours than I spent in class. And the work of taking care of the house and kids always take more time than I think it will. I never fully account for the amount of time it takes to interact with people - parenting, socializing, wifing. When I read that book, I Don't Know How She Does It, I noticed she didn't really include enough time for those relationships - or maybe I just didn't multiply by seven.

Time seems especially scarce this time of year. I had really good intentions of reading the Jesse tree book and talking about the stories as we hung ornaments with the four-year-old. I even meant to remake the sorry little ornaments I made years ago. The Jesse tree is still in the box. The Christmas book box is out in the living room, but only a few stories have been read. The Christmas cards still need to be addressed. The shopping isn't finished - I need something for the stockings.  No cookies made for the neighbors - although the girls have been baking and baking and giving cookies to their friends. We didn't make it to the caroling service or the hanging of the greens at Church. I fell far short of my intention to go to morning mass more often during Advent. And of course, I haven't been the loving, quality-time mom doing fun things like making new ornaments, ice skating and watching Christmas movies and crafting that I meant to be.

Sigh. I'm heading out to shop more in just a minute because I have visions of the kids being sad after they open their presents - which will be mostly clothes and a book because they are teenagers. Every year I overestimate the importance of presents. They need a new toy! They need more boxes! And I buy too much and take it back after Christmas.

On the positive side, the four-year-old has excitedly opened the chocolate Advent calendar every day and shared the chocolates and kept track of whose turn it is to light the Advent wreath. I remembered to get out the readings for the O Antiphons on time. We all made it to the Advent penance service. I may be able to finish Christmas shopping today and be done before Christmas Eve.  After hours and hours of grading, I turned in grades early and only three students (out of 40+) emailed to ask if there was anything they could do to change their grade after they saw it posted. One asked if I could just round up 2%.  Our Christmas party for my husband's work was a success, although exhausting.  And we finally went to a celebration of Las Posadas at a nearby church - it didn't involve costumes and a miracle like the Tomie dePaola book, but it did have pozole and tamales and horchata with red and green fruits afterward. We delivered gifts to the family we helped sponsor - my friend bought them a real dog after checking with the parish that they really wanted one, and it wasn't just the 8-year-old's impossible dream.

And the house is festive: Decorations and lights are up. We decorated the tree the night the college kids came home. They've been a big help in adding to the Christmas spirit, although the absence of our second oldest has dampened it a bit in my heart. I am happy he is spending Christmas with my brother-in-law and his family in Germany, but I wish we were all together. I really wish we were all together there. And I understand better my mother's (and my grandmother's before her) desire to have everyone home for Christmas - if only we lived just a few miles apart, and not a few thousand.

Mrs. Claus needs a tangle brush

Smiling faces from Christmas past

Other smiling faces

ND undefeated again

Wreath laying at Rosecrans National Cemetary

Lights in the darkness

Crafts gone wrong: 4 year old left unattended

There have been many bright lights in this Advent season - literally and figuratively. I love seeing the church full, and our pew almost full. I love seeing all of the babies at church. The readings at Mass remind me to focus on all the sources of hope and joy- instead I tend to focus on what should be instead of what is. I think this has been a New Year's resolution before, and should be again. Or maybe I'll just tell myself that it's the thought that counts...

Thinking about Mass reminds me that there is that other meaning of intention - the petitions we pray, the intentions we hold in our hearts. I looked up the difference - one is a prayer of asking, the other is a prayer for a reason - like praying the rosary for people who are suffering. Those intentions are a road that leads in a completely opposite direction than the proverbial one. And so this Christmas, may I offer the missed opportunities and mistakes up for those who are suffering real pain, and ask for God's love to cover all those we love who are far from us physically but near in our hearts.  Peace and joy to all.

A note of gratitude

Last week at Mass, my seventh grader leaned over and whispered, "Is it marriage day or something?" Not that I know of, why? I respond. "There are so many young people here," she pointed out.

I looked around. There were a quite a few young couples in the pews. In front of us was a tall couple, stylishly attired, probably in their mid-twenties. The wife had a very cute, very prominent pregnancy belly. Another young couple behind us had a tiny newborn with lots of hair. Scattered around church were a number of young families, young couples, college kids home on break.  My heart swelled with happiness.

These young people are a sign of hope. The faith lives and flourishes despite scandal and all the distractions of modern life. I was asked to be a confirmation sponsor by one of the young moms in our co-op. My husband was asked by my nephew to be his sponsor for confirmation.  I invited my friend over for a playdate and conversation yesterday, and we sat on the floor and talked about how she first felt at home in a Catholic church when she went inside a random church after a disagreement with her mom a couple years ago. Her husband is Catholic, and in the Navy, and she didn't think much about agreeing to raise their kids Catholic until they had a little girl. Now, with her husband frequently gone, she realized she better learn about the Church in which she agreed to live. She grew up nominally Unitarian but rarely went to services. She is not yet sure she will be confirmed this Easter, but I am so flattered to be asked by her to be her sponsor. I sent her home with George Weigel'ss Letters to a Young Catholic. 

Hearing her story and seeing all these pretty young faces at Mass is cause for Thanksgiving.  We celebrated the holiday with my husband's brothers' family in Ventura, where burned hills still testify to the raging fires last year at this time, but normal life seems to have resumed around town.  My brother-in-law surprised us by flying home our 18-year-old for dinner, so although we were a smaller group around the table, our hearts were full.

I am also thankful that in just a couple weeks two of our three college kids will be home. I bought the plane tickets for Christmas break last week. I am grateful they can travel home and spend time with us, especially after hearing the stories about the poor students who can't return home after the Thousand Oaks shooting.

Our third son will stay in Rome for the year.  I am extra thankful we are going to see him in February - just in time for his 21st birthday! We are taking all the kids because I found such a good deal on plane tickets and because my husband convinced me that this will be their religious education program since they go to public school.  Almost my entire income for teaching this semester - maybe more - will go toward the trip, but I am thankful we are able to do something like this. My younger kids may not realize what a privilege it is to take a trip to Europe since they live in a community where people fly around on vacation everywhere all year around, but I hope they will remember something about it. (I need to remember my plan to get some videos about Rome and Italy from the library and to rewatch the Italian sections of Bishop Barron's Catholicism series over Christmas break)

We have many so many reasons to be thankful, yet of course, I am usually preoccupied with how I can never get done what I want to do, or irritated by the small inconvenience (traffic!), or nagging at the kids to do homework, read, get off the computer, clean up, help out, straighten up and fly right and all that.

I started writing this shortly after Thanksgiving, and now two weeks have gone by. Yesterday the bridge was closed for several hours while emergency response teams tried to convince a man not to jump. This time they succeeded, thanks be to God. Many people were sharing stories of their traffic nightmares, but there also was a general sigh of relief that a life was saved.

Last night we had the biggest downpour we've had since living in California - a verifiable storm. The power went out just before dinner. We lit candles and ate homemade chicken noodle soup with Reames egg noodles, my favorite comfort food, although not as good as my mom's. The kids laughed, told ghost stories with candles under their faces, and read by candlelight. We all went to bed early. It was great. And it reminded me this morning, as I'm up early, to give thanks for the little blessings of these moments, and for the unbelievable gift to have these blessed souls and bodies in my care, when I'm tempted to bothered by petty concerns.  God is good.