Christmas this year feels a little different than Christmases past. The biggest difference is that not all of our kids are home. Our second oldest, who is studying architecture in Rome for the year, stayed in Europe to travel and is spending Christmas with his aunt and uncle and cousins in Germany. The house still feels a little empty, even though we were happy to welcome home the two other college boys and add some people to the table. The four-year-old has been ecstatic to have them home and has kept them busy playing restaurant and reading to her and being another audience for her knock-knock jokes.
Another difference is that we are not traveling this year at Christmas or hosting family. Aside from the two years we lived in Guam, we have always either traveled to see family over Christmas break or welcomed my parents or the cousins here. Since we just visited with everyone in October, we aren't making the trek across the country, nor is anyone coming here. When we first decided to stay put, it seemed like a good idea, but now I'm feeling a little nostalgic. And knowing how happy I am to have my big boys home, I now have more sympathy for our parents' desire to be surrounded by family during the holidays. Having the kids home is part of the reason we decided to stay put, although there is still a part of me that wishes we were going to reconnect with all of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Despite having a quieter Advent, it seems that I still haven't managed to do the things I meant to. What's that saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions? I feel like I've been laying down a ton of bricks on that road lately. I don't know if it is just because I am getting older, or because I am torn in too many directions and end up stalled. But I had the best of intentions to do certain things this year, this month, this week, yesterday, that never happened.
Many of those things didn't happen because I started working. As I suspected, preparation, grading, and reading for this class took about 10 times more hours than I spent in class. And the work of taking care of the house and kids always take more time than I think it will. I never fully account for the amount of time it takes to interact with people - parenting, socializing, wifing. When I read that book, I Don't Know How She Does It, I noticed she didn't really include enough time for those relationships - or maybe I just didn't multiply by seven.
Time seems especially scarce this time of year. I had really good intentions of reading the Jesse tree book and talking about the stories as we hung ornaments with the four-year-old. I even meant to remake the sorry little ornaments I made years ago. The Jesse tree is still in the box. The Christmas book box is out in the living room, but only a few stories have been read. The Christmas cards still need to be addressed. The shopping isn't finished - I need something for the stockings. No cookies made for the neighbors - although the girls have been baking and baking and giving cookies to their friends. We didn't make it to the caroling service or the hanging of the greens at Church. I fell far short of my intention to go to morning mass more often during Advent. And of course, I haven't been the loving, quality-time mom doing fun things like making new ornaments, ice skating and watching Christmas movies and crafting that I meant to be.
Sigh. I'm heading out to shop more in just a minute because I have visions of the kids being sad after they open their presents - which will be mostly clothes and a book because they are teenagers. Every year I overestimate the importance of presents. They need a new toy! They need more boxes! And I buy too much and take it back after Christmas.
On the positive side, the four-year-old has excitedly opened the chocolate Advent calendar every day and shared the chocolates and kept track of whose turn it is to light the Advent wreath. I remembered to get out the readings for the O Antiphons on time. We all made it to the Advent penance service. I may be able to finish Christmas shopping today and be done before Christmas Eve. After hours and hours of grading, I turned in grades early and only three students (out of 40+) emailed to ask if there was anything they could do to change their grade after they saw it posted. One asked if I could just round up 2%. Our Christmas party for my husband's work was a success, although exhausting. And we finally went to a celebration of Las Posadas at a nearby church - it didn't involve costumes and a miracle like the Tomie dePaola book, but it did have pozole and tamales and horchata with red and green fruits afterward. We delivered gifts to the family we helped sponsor - my friend bought them a real dog after checking with the parish that they really wanted one, and it wasn't just the 8-year-old's impossible dream.
And the house is festive: Decorations and lights are up. We decorated the tree the night the college kids came home. They've been a big help in adding to the Christmas spirit, although the absence of our second oldest has dampened it a bit in my heart. I am happy he is spending Christmas with my brother-in-law and his family in Germany, but I wish we were all together. I really wish we were all together there. And I understand better my mother's (and my grandmother's before her) desire to have everyone home for Christmas - if only we lived just a few miles apart, and not a few thousand.
 |
| Mrs. Claus needs a tangle brush |
 |
| Smiling faces from Christmas past |
 |
| Other smiling faces |
 |
| ND undefeated again |
 |
| Wreath laying at Rosecrans National Cemetary |
 |
| Lights in the darkness |
 |
| Crafts gone wrong: 4 year old left unattended |
Thinking about Mass reminds me that there is that other meaning of intention - the petitions we pray, the intentions we hold in our hearts. I looked up the difference - one is a prayer of asking, the other is a prayer for a reason - like praying the rosary for people who are suffering. Those intentions are a road that leads in a completely opposite direction than the proverbial one. And so this Christmas, may I offer the missed opportunities and mistakes up for those who are suffering real pain, and ask for God's love to cover all those we love who are far from us physically but near in our hearts. Peace and joy to all.
2 comments:
Merry Christmas, Emily!
Merry Christmas! It took me 25 years to admit how desperately homesick I felt every Christmas. We rarely went to my parents and normally everyone else was there except us. I think part of the homesickness for me was that as a kid, Christmas was one of the days of the year where I felt safe. One year, after we were empty nesters, and our own kids weren't coming home, we surprised my parents by going home. Now, this is the second Christmas that they've been gone and I feel homesick for something I will never experience again. We will have one son and his family with us for Christmas and there are hopeful plans that all our kids and grandchildren will come home next year.
Post a Comment