Fall's return

Midway through September, Fall's cooler weather has yet to return.  Neither have we quite returned to the semblance of a regular routine. Schedules are still in flux. Houseguests are still coming and going. But the initial flurry of back to school parent meetings and fee deposits have slowed, and I predict that by the end of the month, we won't be doing the constant checking "What do you have tonight?"

This school year the kids are in even grades, and we again have a senior in high school, but no kids in elementary school. While I should be more prepared for the senior year stress, it still has the capacity to cause blood pressure to rise.  Why didn't he do more preparation over the summer?  Why didn't I have more conversations with this son about vocation and life purpose and the meaning of education before this moment? While he has made a stab at writing a personal statement, the current drafts aren't memorable essays. But now the craziness of a heavy load of school work has descended. This same son is still working at the candy store and half-heartedly participating on the cross country team.

And yesterday I cause more stress by killing his and his sister's guinea pigs by leaving them outside too long.  They were in the shade, but apparently it was warmer than I realized. When I brought them in, they both were panting.  There was a moment when I thought they would revive, and another moment when I considered taking them to the vet for IV fluids, and then the moment that I realized first one, and then the other, weren't going to make it. Woe! They were only pet store rodents, but they have cute faces, and suffering and death are always hard to witness.  I couldn't bring myself to do anything to hasten their death, even when I realized it was inevitable. Instead I spent a good part of the day trying to cool them and give them drops of water and gentle pats and fretting about taking any action beyond palliative care. The three year old was quite attentive, and she heard me talking to the vet and wanted to go. I almost thought it would be a fun field trip, but the cost of IV fluids would have been many times more what we paid for these pets, who were often ignored and who had no great chance of survival anyway.  I tried to channel my inner farmgirl attitude towards small animals, but still it is difficult to be the cause of death of a small cuddly creature that your child loves.

In better news, we spent the past two weeks hosting my husband's parents, who came out to California from Oklahoma with a loaded camper trailer, following the path of the Joads. They came for my husband's promotion to captain, which barring some unforeseen event, will likely be his terminal rank.  The ceremony does not have the pomp and circumstance of a change of command or a retirement, but it is traditional to host a party afterward. We just had pizza, cake, and beer and wine, and invited military and civilian friends, and in addition to my in-laws, hosted my cousins and my brother-in-law and his family. It wasn't a huge event planning wise, but all were in good spirits.

We took the grandparents to a few San Diego sites, the most unique being a new facility for special warfare communities which was a building project my husband has been working on. But they were mostly content to just hang out with us and to enjoy their camp spot on the bay. Which, as you can see in the photos, had a great view.  They stayed at an MWR facility, as my father-in-law is a retired 28 year Coast Guard veteran. These types of recreation sites are one of the oft overlooked perks of military life, and the quality of this particular location is outstanding. This trip was a major drive for them, but it came off without incident. They are still on the way home, taking their time stopping at the Grand Canyon and Santa Fe. We pray the return will be similarly rewarding so that they'll come again!

The grandparents' view with kids on paddle boards

Administering the oath of office

Circa 1996 commissioning as an ensign. Note 1 bar

Attaching the new shoulder boards

Cap'n Cook

Interior of the iconic I-bar, familiar to many from Top Gun

A change of command ceremony for my husband's outgoing/incoming bossses on the USS Midway. Note the proliferation of white uniforms. 

Our friend, a Navy doctor, paired up with another doc and had a much more elaborate promotion party, which is called a wetting down. We joked that they thought it was a wedding down. They rented a venue and had this lively live band.

Labor day weekend pool fun

Enjoying the warmth of a mid September sun.

Summer Reading and Unrest

It seems every year, my reading list gets shorter. I thought I might catch up on some reading this summer, but it just hasn't happened.  We've had a busy summer, and with everyone home and a series of houseguests, I haven't had a lot of quiet time. I've also been planning a pre-school co-op for next fall, tutoring a couple ESL students, and revising my class for the fall term, which will meet once a week instead of just three times a term. 

But I also admit I don't read as much because of the iphone.  Many hours that I used to spend reading are now spent checking in. (Did you see the article: "Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation" at The Atlantic someone linked to on Facebook? The irony of reading this on an idevice when it was linked to on social media isn't lost. Another article that falls short of its title that I spent time reading and plotting a response in my head was this one: "How American Politics Went Insane". The author, Kurt Anderson, describes a lot of fringe groups, but I don't think he fully answers the question in the title.  He makes some suggestions, but I was left unclear about why the pendulum of left/right extreme fringe groups swings when it does. The article does not seem without bias, and when I finished skimming it, I wasn't sure what sane politics looks like, if it even has ever existed (Anderson does seem to think the Reagan years were a period of relative civility.) I also think he could give more responsibility to the internet for the spread of vitriol, rigidity, and incivility, along with eccentric ideas like conspiracy theories.) I did cut down on social media this summer in between travel and company, but I still would like to limit more of that time. Especially after reading that article about the role of the internet in youth development, I want to set a better example for our kids.

While I pat myself on the back for not letting my kids have smart phones until they are 18, they have plenty of access to media.  We have a communal iphone and an ipad, and computers. The 17 year old has an old iphone that doesn't have cell service which he uses for messaging, music, and Instagram. All of the teenagers have Instagram and Facebook accounts and get text messages from friends.  They aren't out of the loop.

In addition to reading the Atlantic article, I did read a couple of other books that have increased my desire to opt out of the fastpaced digital world, even though I am only marginally a part of it.  One was Rod Dreher's The Benedict Option.  I was excited to see this book at my mom and dad's while I was visiting, because I've been wanting to read it, but didn't want to buy a new book that I didn't have time for.  I really only skimmed it - but I don't need to be convinced that Christians are becoming increasingly marginalized and that we need to support each other in living in the world while not becoming a part of it.  The book blends an historical review of Christian thought, an analysis of Moralistic Therapeutic Deism and the "After Virtue" world Alisdair MacIntyre prophesied and then provides strategies for Christians in a post Christian world, as the subtitle suggests. Some profiles of people who are managing to find community and support for living a life based on Christian virtues are also included. Some of the suggestions include not giving your children phones and free access to the internet, home schooling, forming friendships or joining ecclesial movements or other groups that provide fellowship and mutual support in the Christian life, and taking part in the sacramental life of the Church.

As commentators have pointed out, this conversation has been going on for years - millennia - but each generation must find a way to continue the conversation. The struggle between straddling and sacred and secular worlds has been ongoing in my own life.  Waves of momentum in my faith life have been followed by times of fallowness. Dreher's suggestions all seem good - but some of the critiques also seem justified, namely that in his profiles, he fails to examine the lives of minorities who have traditionally formed strong bonds through Christian communities while being oppressed and persecuted, and that Christians should be more or less politically active or more or less involved in the life of the world.  Especially in light of the recent political upheaval sweeping the country, it seems both necessary to form and nourish strong communities, but also to take action in the wider community. How do we balance service and preservation?

This quandary and others are at the heart of Bishop Barron's Vibrant Paradoxes: The Both/And of Catholicism and in C. S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters. Both address the fine lines between virtue and vice, between the will and emotion, between action and contemplation, etc.  (The Screwtape Letters has much that is timely - for instance the devil encourages bias, excess emotion, uncertainty, and false humility - a great line about how democracy can be used by the devils to increase a sense of superiority in order for people to distinguish themselves - while God loves the opposing virtues of freedom from bias, acts of free will, rhythm and harmony, and appreciation/gratitude.) For that matter, the fourth big book I read this summer was Anne Fadiman's The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down. This book, too, examines intersections (isn't "sectionality" a buzzword in literary studies these days?) and the challenges of attempting acculturation and assimilation while preserving and respecting the practices of traditional communities and cultures.

Really there are no easy answers to the question of how then shall we live.  My husband, son, and I had a good conversation the other night about current events, in between the rise of white supremacists and extreme nationalism in our own country and the terror attacks across Europe.  The role of media in feeding extremist or fringe groups can't be underrated: social media increases a sense of isolation, victimization, and tribalism - the attitudes that increase the likelihood that a young person will identify with a cult or reactionary organization. I also feel that poverty of literacy education has a large role in the inability of  young people to empathize (I acknowledge my bias towards the importance of literacy.)

Our son will be in Barcelona in a few days, right where the most recent attack occurred.  While it is true that cycles of rising abuse of power and oppression, followed by the response of violent and/or peaceful revolutions can be identified throughout all of history, it nevertheless is no less upsetting to live during the upheaval. How do we respond?  How do we encourage justice and the preservation of peace, in the world and in our hearts?

My instinct is to retreat, to pull the curtains on the outside world, and to focus on addressing the fires and flares in our own household and local community.  This is another reason to turn off media feeds. But I also believe that we have a responsibility to our brothers and sisters in the wider community.  We continue to try to do our little bit in between making donations, signing up to serve dinners at the homeless shelter, tutoring, etc.  Stepping away from social media may be described as refusing to stand up against bullies, but in order to have the time to serve others, we need to turn off the devices.

Hmmm, I am out of time, and I think this post may be too disjointed and too undeveloped to be worth posting, but I'm going to throw it out into the evil web anyway.  (Another interesting conversation with our 20 year old was about the deep web, the dark web, and bitcoin.  All of these topics are fascinating in an unsettling way and need further thought and research ... ) 

Summer Quick Takes

Oh me, oh my, school starts in two weeks.  Just dropped off the paper work - updated shot records, proof of residency because people move in and out of this area and use old numbers or friends' or Grandma's address in order to be in this school district, affidavit that everything online is correct, sports physicals, etc.  Summer has passed quickly and quietly.

We've had some quietude since we returned from vacation back in Indiana, but have kept active.  I am tutoring a couple English language learners early, early in the morning.  Enrollment at the college I teach for is down because the Navy restructured the way it reimburses for coursework, so I am not teaching this term.  Starting in a couple weeks I'll return to the classroom once a week for a couple hours, which makes me happy.  Online is convenient, but dissatisfying.  But since enrollment is low, I've only made about half of what I made last year, and next year we'll have three kids in college.  So I have been exploring options to teach at other institutions this week.  Working on some short essays about my experiences teaching diverse populations. This is taking some time because I need to focus and the kids are always around, and it's hard to compose anything.

Hence quick takes.

Since we've been home, we've done a lot of swimming in the pool, once the pool guy got rid of another algae problem that happened while we were gone and he didn't come either.  A clog came through the pipe into the filter basket. I heard something clunking around and found about 98 cents in change all corroded, a corroded silver ring with a red stone, 9 crystal beads, and a gold earring. Kind of archaeological.

Dancing with big brother

We've gone to multiple Sunday afternoon concerts in the park.  We've become pretty proficient at packing a picnic dinner.  Couscous salad, kale salad, pesto pasta salad, and a rice salad with avocado and peas and a citrusy dressing have been fancy favorites paired with grilled chicken or tri-tip.  A couple old friends have moved to the area, so this has been a fun way to get together with them. At one concert, a guy came up to us and asked if we were ND grads. (My husband had on one of many logo shirts.) Turns out he had been at our wedding as one of my roommate's dates! Once he reminded us, it came back to me, and sure enough when we got home and looked up pictures, there he was, a few pounds lighter, but looking much the same! It was one of those serendipitous encounters that makes you think the world is small - or that the spheres in which we live overlap with others' similar ones fairly often.

Other updates: One of our kids has been gone for two weeks. I leave to pick up our second oldest tomorrow at the foot of Mt. Whitney, the tallest mountain peak in the continental US. He and a couple friends will have covered over 200 miles of the John Muir Trail, which overlaps the Pacific Crest Trail, in 13 days. That means they have had to average about 16 miles per day. That's a tough pace to keep up, and additionally rigorous with a 40 pound pack hiking at 5000-14500+ foot elevation. I have been anxious about him also because he is a slow hiker without a pack.  But we have had a couple updates when they picked up their food bucket and at another random cell service spot in the mountains.  He also called from a ranger's phone two days ago to report they were on track to summit Mt. Whitney Saturday morning. I'll be waiting!

Heading off

Goodbye! Don't get eaten by bears!

Some scenes from the trail

Fancy dinner night

The eleven and thirteen year olds have been doing the junior lifeguard program. This is a great opportunity for coastal kids.  For three weeks they spend five hours a day at the beach, swimming, running, surfing, playing games, and learning water safety.  Since I am not a little afraid of the ocean, especially after my sister's near drowning and recent shark attacks not far from us, I am happy the kids get to do this program.  It gives them understanding of the ocean's power and confidence to jump into it. The eleven year old did not want to participate at all. She's afraid of sharks and stingrays and doesn't like to be cold or tired, but by week two, she was no longer complaining, and yesterday she said she might want to do it again next year.

Last day of Junior Guards

Meanwhile, in related news, our three year old is swimming.  Her oldest brother gave her some lessons, and motivated by keeping up with her siblings and friends who come over to swim with us, she has taken off buzzing around underwater.  None of my other kids were this adventurous at this age. She hasn't mastered how to take breaths, but she doesn't doggy paddle, and she can hold her breathe all the way across the short side of the pool. She also is not afraid to jump in, although she usually belly flops.  Part of me is glad she can swim so that if she falls in, she hopefully will bob back up, but another part of me is worried that she one day will overestimate her abilities and jump in when no one is looking and get tired and drown. The gate has a babyproof latch, but I'm not sure if it is four year old proof. We'll have to get a lock.

Prize bag

She also won a major award in the library summer reading club lottery.  When the librarian called to nform us she had won one of the big prizes, I was hoping it was the bike, but when we went to pick it up it was a bag.  She was really thrilled about it, even though it is a mom bag. I'll probably adopt it eventually.

The older kids are keeping busy with summer jobs making pizza, selling candy, and babysitting. I've been reading Irish tourism books with the 20 year old, who leaves on the 20th for Dublin.  The plan is for my husband and me to go and meet him for five days while my parents fly out to keep the kids. Here's praying nothing upsets that plan!  I think I'm more excited about our five days than he is about his semester. Since we don't have a long trip, I'm trying to decide what castle ruins, Celtic crosses, scenic cliffs, idyllic pastures, and pilgrimage sites are the best to see within two hours of Dublin. Everyone we ask has a different favorite spot.  I'm also trying to help him pack for four months into one checked bag and a carry-on.

Beach pyramid with my oldest's girlfriend who came to visit and was much loved.

Meanwhile, the seventeen year old has begun writing rough drafts for a college application essay.  I was hoping this process would be easier this time around.  So far, his essays, while not badly written, are not quite interesting enough or personal enough. One was an attempt at humor that claimed a Mennonite heritage because my husband's family is from Lancaster, PA. I had to correct his revisionist history.

Honoring an 102 year old World War II veteran at a ribbon cutting ceremony. A new building was named in his honor.

The fifteen year old made the JV volleyball team, so she has started practices. That made her happy.  She also has been helping out with school registrations as a student council representative. Helping out with friends makes her happy, but I'm going to be sad to see summer end.   We're going to have to stop watching Father Brown every night on Netflix.  It's very, very good, by the way.  Mr. Weasley, Mark Williams, is the sleuthing priest in the BBC series.  I suppose we could come up with some quibbles with the theology or the departures from G. K. Chesterton's original series, but it is extremely enjoyable viewing for the whole family, except the toddler, who goes to bed early since she isn't napping anymore.

And now back to work!

Farm Vacation

A happy plane passenger

Back in March or April, we started studying the calendar for the summer.  We discussed all the upcoming wish list items and potential outings and camps and played around on the maps to figure out drive times and possible routes for summer vacation travels. After my in-laws announced that they were going to try to drive out here for Labor Day weekend, we decided that just the younger kids and I would fly back to Indiana to see my extended family instead of driving the whole family back through Oklahoma and then on to Indiana for the annual family home pilgrimage.  We shortened the trip a bit since we wouldn't be spending six days driving, but still planned to have a nice long visit. 

Then we sat back and looked forward to the trip for a couple months. It seemed a long way in the future. Until it wasn't. And then it was over. 

How quickly time flies when you are on vacation. The days seem to loom ahead long and uneventful, but then they arrive and disappear, and suddenly summer is nearly over.

The grandparents' house

The kids and I are always happy to be back in Indiana. At first we are on the lookout for things that have changed: what new buildings have been added, what trees and plants have died, what animals have come and gone.  But after all the changes are noted, it is nice to settle in and be a part of the farm routine for a few days: drink a lot of coffee on the screened in porch in the mornings, then check on the animals and feed the chickens. Next maybe hang a load of laundry on the line, take a walk or bike ride around the 8 mile block, walk through the woods and check out the fort the kids constructed out of old barn wood and sticks and branches (hoping none are poison ivy).

The new chicken house

July is hot in Indiana, but I didn't mind the feeling of walking out into a warm blanket. The air felt full of growth and fertility - maybe that's just humidity, but after living in the dry, brown environment of Southern California, the greenness of rural Indiana seemed full of life and potential: fields full of rustling corn and soybeans, trees laden with green fruit, hayfields buzzing with bees and butterflies, blackberry brambles crawling out of the woods to reach the sunshine for ripening berries. I loved being back under the wide breadth of the deep blue skies and bright sunshine warming up the scent of corn and clover. Even the brief but violent summer thunderstorm was a welcome change.

Magnolia Trace's Dark Legend, the new bull

Swallows at work

Farm friends

It took a day of restlessness for the kids to settle into the rhythm of summer on the farm and to find their way out to the creek full of minnows and crawdads. The cousins were over nearly every day and they constructed a rustic hideaway in the woods, christened Ft. Dole, because they found an old board in the barn with that name on it.

Catching minnows and crawdads

Another birthday

This visit was punctuated by trips to South Bend to pick up and take our high school daughter to camps at Notre Dame - a 3 day volleyball camp and a 5 day leadership/faith building conference. During the weekend, we made a quick trip up to Michigan to see our cousins at their lake house.  When I was growing up, our yearly vacation was a trip to Crystal Lake for a week with these cousins. We swam, read on the beach, collected shells, painted rocks, spent money in town on glass animals and books and ice cream cones.  After I got married, we went back several times, but those visits have grown farther apart since our travel time lengthened. A quick trip back this summer resurrected happy memories and cemented relationships between the next generation of cousins.

Gray day at the lake

Iconic Point Betsie Lighthouse

A new bridge built by three young Gruffs...

Rose of Sharon

Bees at work

This place will always seem like home to me, regardless of where we spend most of our days.  Even though I didn't grow up in the house where my parents now live, the smells and sights of Indiana farm country must be deeply rooted and trigger the sense of being at home that never has set in here in California. 

Gardening with chickens

The toddler's new best friend, her cousin dog. 

Ft. Dole

Swimming at the boys' camp

Mulberry eater

July gallops by

Summer, Summer, you are supposed to be a time of rest and slow, sipping days! But you are racing away, trying to steal from me those long days of pool floats and parades. Pause a moment, give us time to be bored, time to mark time with watermelon and sizzling meats and birthday cakes and ice cream. I try to catch on film what trips away all too fast, like the little children who now surprise me in grown up bodies.