Greetings from Texas - Wedding Wrap-up

A lot has happened since the last post way back in early June. Let's see how much I can recall of our Summer 2021. In between the college graduation of our second son in late May, and the first day of fall today, we've had the usual round of summer birthdays and summer fun, but also a wedding, a retirement, and a move. We had some tearful goodbyes and some rousing toasts. The kids have started new schools, and my husband has started his new job. We've had injuries and a car crash and a lot of phone calls to insurance companies. No serious physical injuries, but lots of emotional drama has accompanied all of this activity, and so here we are. I'm back at the keyboard to make sense of it all.

For the sake of continuity, I'll rewind to mid-June and review the wedding. In the midst of all the transitions, this is the first day I have had time to sit down and reflect and look at all pictures. Our daughter-in-law posted a sweet series of some of her favorite photos from the wedding on Instagram recently for their 3 month anniversary a few days ago.  Her photographer was a talented friend.  I've shared some of those photos - there are lots of other fun ones of the girls getting ready, the ceremony, the wedding party, and lots of people dancing.  Below are some from our cameras and the professional - the difference is obvious! At some point, I want to sit down and order an album. 

The wedding itself came off without a hitch, just as everyone was getting vaccinated and travel was opening up. There had been three plans in place: the tiny immediate family only Covid wedding, the slightly larger small Covid wedding with some grandparents and aunts and uncles. And the normal wedding with friends and family. A break in Covid numbers allowed for option 3. Everything was beautiful, and the party was a blast after the months and months of staying home. 

The few days leading up to the wedding were a bit stressful, admittedly.  We had lots of big decisions to make in addition to all of the end of the year activities. As mother of the groom, I just had to organize the rehearsal dinner and find a dress, both of which took about 15 dead ends before a winner was found. With in store shopping hampered by Covid, I ordered and returned a lot of dresses. Two nights before the wedding, I tried on the 4 finalists and made a decision. 

For the rehearsal dinner, a lot of places were limited by size or already booked. I thought I had one place locked in, but they doublebooked and cancelled us about a month before the wedding. Fortunately, I found another place quickly.  It was an historic house at a golf course, which had a wide front porch where we were going to sit, but rain threatened, so the caterer moved us inside - where another wedding was set up, which felt sort of haphazard. Then the food was a bit cold by the time we ate - the rehearsal ran a little late, and the caterer was understaffed, so I think she made everything early. Nonetheless, by the end of the dinner everyone was laughing and having a good time. The brothers presented some gag gifts, which elicited some hearty laughter, and the strawberry shortcake for dessert was tasty. 

Another added stress was the hotel where we were staying was also severely understaffed, so many of the out of town guests, including ourselves, had to wait hours for their rooms to be cleaned, and our rooms weren't together.  We had also planned a reception at the hotel for the out of town cousins and friends who were arriving that evening but who weren't in the rehearsal. The hotel took the food away earlier than planned, but the cousins had fun playing in the room, and our fun uncle bought nerf toys and got a speaker from the hotel for music and singing.  Thank goodness for funcles!  He also apparently sponsored a "car bar" at the wedding reception, which I was unaware of until after the event, but it explained why some of the spirits rose precipitously later in the evening... 

The morning of the wedding was sunny and bright, and spirits matched.  We all made it to the church on time, and had time to great guests and sneak a peek into the bride's room, as well as to hug our son the groom and his groomsmen brothers and friends before lining up.  The bride and groom had planned everything well, so everything was easy.  The priest was our son's thesis advisor from school, with whom he had gone to Nigeria. Father was reverent but good humored, which put the nonCatholics at ease and added a joyful celebratory tone to the Mass.  

The reception was at the church hall - an easy transition, as well as a lovely space. Perhaps the church had planned on being a reception site when they remodeled the space. Although the details were lovely and wellplanned, nothing was too fussy, so it all seemed effortless.  There was a cocktail hour while the wedding party took photos at a scenic park, and then the party really started when the wedding party arrived. The food was delicious, the toasts were funny and pulled on some heartstrings, and the music was everyone's favorite songs, since the bride and groom had included a space for song requests on the RSVP cards. They also had written a handwritten message to each guest and had cards for guests to leave a note for them, in lieu of a guestbook. There was a photo booth and a patio for the older folks to retreat to when the music was loud. Instead of a groom's cake, there were a series of pies made by the aunts, since Joe loves pie. All of the little girl cousins had an absolutely fabulous time - there were about 7 of them between 3 and 8 - and provided ongoing entertainment by leading a congo line, belting out Taylor Swift lyrics, and sharing the light up bracelets, which were a gift Joe had given Isabella long before they were engaged. By the time the evening was over and the bride and groom drove away, we were all hoarse from singing, footsore from dancing, and exhausted in the most wonderful way.   Weddings are a lot of work, but they provide memories to feast on for months.

First a piano recital with a best friends duet.

Then this cutie had a 15th birthday

And she won a hurdle race - fastest 300 m hurdler in San Diego County

Once we arrived in Indiana for the wedding, we had a day or so at the farm. We won the rental car prize with a Mustang convertible

Baby calf here to celebrate the wedding

Farm fun before the wedding

Rehearsal dinner hijinks

Post rehearsal dinner hijinks

Ready to wed

 

 

Our friend from church made the sweet flower girl dress.

The family

The song leaders

The first dance

My sil's post on Instagram

Some of the professional photos by Olivia Doerfler Photography

I love this sibling shot

Reception greeting table - reference to the couples' Tucson home

Cousins

Something was funny

Dancing to James Taylor "How Sweet It Is"

Pie table

The party

Brothers

Another fun sibling shot

Off to set the world on fire!

Post wedding fun on the farm

Blackberry season

More summer memories in the next post...

Choices

As promised, photos of graduation! This son has accepted a job in Boston.  He had two good offers and agonized over which to choose, and finally picked one.  They were equally good opportunities. After stressing over getting any offers, he was happy to have choices.

I'm grateful beyond measure that we have another one off to a good start to adulthood.

Meanwhile I am having buyer's regret over our decision to move to Texas. This second-guessing happens to me frequently, and I keep telling myself we are making a fine decision; everything will be fine. We will be able to buy a house and send our kids to Catholic schools. We'll be closer to family. It's a great job for my husband.

But now that we've made this decision, I feel like I wasn't fully considering how easy it is to live here. Suddenly, the sun seems brighter, the people seem friendlier, our friends are closer, biking to the library and school seems even more delightful, the parks are more joyful, the school seems better, and it seems crazy to move a rising senior in high school.  I love my job and my friends and my kids' friends. I love being near the ocean and the commissary. We are close to where two of our older kids have landed.  And we are so close to the mountains! I love that the kids walk to school and bike to the beach and get ice cream on Orange Avenue. It is a charmed life. 

I think I have place attachment disorder. For years, I fed myself a narrative of "This is a temporary home, so I better not acknowledge what is great about it." And I said over and over that I didn't want to stay here forever. I let myself be irritated by tourists and traffic and the quirks of our rental home instead of fully enjoying the easy way of life.  Now I am questioning whether we could have figured out a way to make it affordable to stay here. What is worth spending money on? Should we have tried to find a two bedroom condo to buy for $1.5 million? (The only thing less than $1million for sale right now is a 1 BR condo on the corner of the two busiest streets on the island, and it's $900,000.) Should we have continued to rent? Taken a contractor job for three more years to get the kids through high school? 

I have another Navy friend who said she thinks she has moving PTSD. There must be some name for the condition. Moving when I was seven was a life marking event. I felt new for a long time. I am beginning to feel too old for starting over and recreating myself again. I wonder if I will ever feel settled. I always miss the last place more than the one before- so the next place should be better! But I don’t love it till I’m leaving. I’m afraid I am the kind of person who makes a hell of Heaven rather than a Heaven of hell, even though I desire to be the opposite. 

Perhaps if we were going somewhere like the mountains of middle America - the Rockies, or east to the Shenandoah, the Ozarks, the Smokies, the Appalachians, - or one of the small, college towns I made up in my imagination, I would feel more settled in our decision. But I fear that we are trading down.

Fear is the operational word. I fear for the kids, I fear starting over, not finding a niche, having to drive everywhere.  I fear not finding a house - the market is crazy and the houses are not our style. I fear the heat! I fear missing out on everything here. It was fear of not finding another job that made me agree that this was the way to go. What I need to do is find things to look forward to.

The high schoolers aren't really crying about it. They seem to have accepted it.  Last night at the track banquet, I almost cried because the coach said about three times to Claire, "Are you sure you have to go?"  But she smiled and laughed. She's written nice essays for the two schools we are trying to decide between. Our older son is sending his football highlights video to coaches at these two schools that we can't decide between.  The youngest child is the one who seems the most sad to go.  She has cried several nights in a row. She does have a dramatic flair, and she has never had to move, so there's that. But she also has wonderful little friends and a fairy tale house and a great park and library. She keeps saying she wants to come back for her first communion. I think we have to make that happen. Or maybe her second or third.

For now I've got to step forward and keep moving.  In ONE WEEK our oldest son will be getting married! This date seemed so far away for so long, and now we are starting to pack. How have I been caught off guard? Can I list the to-do items?  I have to decide between 5 dresses, I don't have shoes yet, and I have to hem the girls' dresses and boys' pants. I also don't have a gift or a card, but I think we are giving them furniture. I've got to stop wallowing in self pity and move forward to help them have a wonderful, memorable, love-filled day. So writing this is my way of tabling these emotions for a couple weeks. 

My husband is a saint for putting up with me. Did I mention we just celebrated our 25th anniversary?  With everything else going on, we just got Thai food at the restaurant down the street. He gave me silver earrings and a ring from the local jeweler, and I gave him a print by a local artist. We're planning to celebrate with a trip at some point, (maybe we'll come back here!) but for now I'm grateful that he puts up with my mood swings and indecision and anxiety.  Many thanks to the Lord for getting us this far!

Celebrations

May has been a flurry of activities and hard decisions. With most of our area vaccinated, and most of our family, life is almost back to its normal pace. My husband and I and the older kids have all had our shots. The two youngest girls are 1. not eligible, and 2. I admit I have some hesitancy about the teen getting it because of the information I have read - and experienced - with cycle irregularities post-vaccine. It's probably nothing to worry about, but I feel it is something that should be studied some more - in many different scenarios, not just with shots. All kinds of medical studies don't look at this variable. That said, in time, continued studies will most likely reemphasize that the covid vaccine is safe, and the girls will get caught up.

So what have we been up to? At the beginning of the month, the library had a chalk walk in conjunction with a belated Earth Day celebration. We chalked birds and flowers - not the ones shown; those were by high school art students. The school shared chalk pastels, which provided more vivid colors and thicker coverage to create beautiful works of art by the high schoolers. 

We've also been going to basketball games and track meets. Football ended after they played five games and won the league game. Basketball had about 10 games, and league play begins next week. This was our son's first season ever to play because he used to play rugby in the winter. He wasn't getting much playing time in the beginning of the season and wanted to quit, but by the end, he was playing most of the games. At the banquet the coach gave him some nice compliments. The experience was a good example of how perseverance pays off. Meanwhile, the league meet for track was today after four meets, and our freshman daughter qualified for the next level of competition. She shows real promise in the 400m and in the 300m hurdles. So does our son - he doubled up and ran at a couple meets, but scratched from the league meet because tonight was prom. I wanted him to choose track, because he likely would have qualified but he wasn't interested. I didn't push the lesson in perseverance this time. So the seasons were short and sweet, but at least the kids got to do something. I found it funny that the players had to wear masks on the sidelines, but while competing, they didn't have to, even though in one scenario they are spaced out sitting, and in the other they are breathing on and touching each other. But weekly testing has prevented anyone from spreading Covid  - if the tests are correct.

I am back in the classroom, as of the end of April, teaching Nature Writing. It's nice to be back, but I have a very small class - just 10 students, and some of them chose the online modality, so I have a "near-far" classroom. Unfortunately, 3 of my 10 students are failing. I don't know what is going on - they just don't turn in assignments, even though they come to class. Last term, my online students didn't seem to struggle as much to get their work turned in. Maybe students are just overwhelmed with the end of school and being back in person. Or maybe the weight of this year is catching up, and their coping methods seem to be crashing down. These students are truly suffering. 

We've also traveled again - this time to the college graduation of our second son. He had a rough spring finishing his fifth year architecture final project. It's a major undertaking. He designed a school for traditional building arts - stonemasonry, brick work, wrought ironwork, woodcarving, etc. He even went to visit a similar such school in Charleston back in January to get more information about what such a school would entail. Then he had to present the final project a couple weeks ago on Zoom. And at the same time, he was still job searching. As of yesterday, he has gainful employment at a high end residential architectural firm in Boston. 

Job decisions were the highlight of the month. After months of interviewing, my husband has finally decided to take a job with the University of Texas in their facilities department. This was a tough decision.  A lot of sleep was lost, wrinkles and gray hairs gained. Even after making pro/con lists, praying, and talking, I still feel a bit unsettled. It's a wonderful job for him, but Texas was not at the top of my list for retirement destinations. I feel like I have no real agency in life sometimes. I'll likely love it eventually - just as I do this place. Familiarity breeds affection, But after being back in the Midwest last weekend for the graduation, I was reminded of how much I miss thick green trees, thick green grass, thick green shrubbery, and lots of flowers. I am also more than a little sad to leave California, even though my heart has never felt quite at home here. We have wonderful, wonderful friends here, a great parish, a dream lifestyle, the ocean a mile away. I love the school where I teach, and I love my classes.  And there's the weather. Why are we leaving again?

I have to keep reminding myself that California was never going to be our forever home.  We don't have much family out here, although our friends are like family.  Although there were some job options to stay here, they weren't quite the right fit, nor were there many, if any, options elsewhere. And the median home price is $815,000 here. Texas is closer to our family in the southwest.  The job is great. The schools look good. But I'm in mourning. Zillow is depressing. I'm worried about the kids, although they've always done just fine. This is the first move the seven year old will remember, since she was only one when we moved here, and she has a passel of really sweet friends to say good-bye to.  After an initial burst of excitement, I'm suffering from cold feet. I'm sure we'll find a great community there, but right now I'm driving my husband crazy with my wavering and "what ifs." Moving isn't easy.  And I need to keep up with my sleep, and stop trolling Zillow because that's one of the sources of my anxiety.  

I hate to end with a glum note, but I need to log off. I'll share some happier photos later. I had a birthday! We have family coming for the holiday weekend! Our son's wedding is just three weeks away! And I still don't have a dress...

Science fair taste test

Basketball competitions

Baby raven in need of rescue at the park. I'm pretty sure it perished after the elementary kids came out for recess and poked at it.

Two of these three are now graduated from the place where this photo was taken. The third will finish next year. 

Mother's Day flowers

May crowning with Little Flowers

Track Queen

Off to graduation! I need to add more photos to my google drive of that event - so I'll come back and post more later.