Travels abroad and wedding updates - planning edition

To lift my spirits from the moving doldrums, I'll review our trip to Europe at the beginning of the summer for our son's wedding.

When our second son and his fiancée first mentioned the idea of a wedding in Rome, we initially thought they were joking. Surely, they didn't really want to have a little destination wedding instead of a big family wedding in Portland, Maine!  

But yes, they really did want that small wedding in the city where they met and their story began. An Italian wedding planner was hired by the mother of the bride (what is our relationship called? Something more than friends?) A date was picked that accommodated the teachers in the family, and the church, San Ignazio, was reserved. At the time, it was not on the tourist circuit, but the installation of a mirror to view the ceiling made it TikTok famous at some point this year.  

Our part in the planning was to choose a site for the rehearsal dinner and to book accommodations and flights for our family.  My travel planning expertise kicked in. The rehearsal dinner choice was simple - the restaurant where my husband frequented as a student, and where we celebrated this son's 21st first birthday when he was a student and we traveled to Rome to see him (post about that trip here), where we hosted a dinner with a priest friend, and which is still in business. My husband conveniently had a work trip scheduled in late winter, so he dropped by the restaurant, Miscellanea, reserved the date, and picked a menu. What he did not do was set a price. Nor did I remind him that this is an important part of the process. Mickey assured my husband he would take care of him, and our previous dinners were delicious and reasonable. We were supposed to receive an email with all of that spelled out, but ah, never did! Closer to the date in May, we sent our fourth son, who was currently studying in Rome, to stop by again to confirm the date and time, so we thought all was set. What we did not calculate was the abundance of wine and appetizers and pizza that would be served! To fast forward to the end of the story, the rehearsal dinner ended up costing about twice the amount we idealistically expected, but about the amount that we should have expected! 

Housing was a little more complicated. Thankfully, the mother of the bride nudged me to reserve early because the summer of 2025 was a Jubilee year, and Rome would be crowded (which it was). Thank goodness for that nudge! At first I thought I could find an Airbnb for our family, but when we added in my parents (who in the end did not come), and 2 sets of aunts and uncles, our numbers rose to 17.  Knowing that some in our party might cancel, I switched to looking for a hotel. This was not easy because there are so many choices in Rome, but I focused on the area near the church, so we could walk there. After looking at what seemed like hundreds of options, I settled on a little pensione that had different sized rooms that fit our needs perfectly, was located not too far from San Ignazio off Piazza Navona, and fit our budget - the Charming Navona. It was not a luxury stay, but it was clean, comfortable, quiet, and the rooms were just the right size. We needed rooms for three for our sons and daughters, a room for a family of 4 for the cousins coming from Germany, three rooms with queens, and one big enough for a porta-crib, and a room with twins for my mom and dad, because my dad has a sleep disorder and has to sleep in his own bed.  What luck! Charming Navona worked just right for us, and even had a small lounge area on each floor for gathering, although we usually gathered in the family suite on the top floor where the cousins were staying because it had a kitchenette and a small balcony (never mind that the balcony was accessed through the bathroom). It had a lovely view of Italian rooftop gardens.

Next item: airline tickets. For the adult kids, we gifted them a nice amount of cash for Christmas to buy their own airfare.  Since everyone had different schedules and options for traveling to other places in Europe - or not, that was the simplest way.  I booked the tickets for the son studying abroad, who had to stay an extra 2 weeks at the end of the semester, which gave him time to travel a little more in Europe, and for the 2 youngest girls, my husband and me. This was a little complicated because we had to figure out how much time we had for a European vacation and where we wanted to travel. Fortunately, I hadn't booked tickets yet when my husband found out about his new job and moved to South Bend.  I also had to wait to see when our middle daughter finished her track season as postseason competition extended to June. We figured she would not compete at NCAA nationals, but you never know...  

It also took us awhile to figure out if we would extend our stay and for how long and where we would travel if we did. That was the topic of a lot of fun conversations, but we finally settled on flying to Paris (a direct flight from Chicago, which eased the mind of our fearful flier, who is doing much better, btw), spending a couple days there, then making a short pilgrimage to Lourdes before heading to the Eternal City for the wedding weekend. We'd end our trip by spending a couple of days in Nuremberg with the cousins before flying back to Austin via Chicago.

These were all cities I had visited before, except Lourdes. It had been over 30 years since we had been to Paris, but only 3 since visiting Nuremberg. However, we wanted the girls to see how their cousins lived, and the older kids, except the oldest, had all visited the cousins when they were studying abroad, so the younger two could have that shared memory. Plus, there is something meaningful about visiting people in their homes that cements relationships. You learn more about people when you see where and how they live, which is one of the goals, I think, of travel abroad. I am a little sorry that the model of staying with a host family has become so much rarer for study abroad students. 

With the destinations selected, next came booking planes, trains, and hotels - no automobiles for us. Our 3rd and 4th sons were staying with us in Paris, so I found a cute Airbnb near the Eiffel Tower (Loft Effiel by LCC Agency) for six - it was perfect for us, close to a fabulous bakery and within walking distance of most Paris sites that you want to see during 2.5 day visit.  I added the name to remember for the future, although I don't anticipate a return to Paris any time soon. 

Then I booked train tickets to Lourdes (using a budget train, OUIGO, instead of the main trainline, RCNF, because those tix were pricey), and then an Airbnb in Lourdes for 5 (3rd son went to Venice to meet up with friends.) Le Chaleureux Lourdes Hyper Center I also recommend - it was a spacious apartment right on the Gave River that flows through the city, within walking distance of the domain, and with cute balcony to admire the view of the river and the Pyrenees mountains in the distance. I did not know that Lourdes was actually also a destination for flyfishing excursions, but the view of the mountains and river made me wish we had more time to explore the countryside.

Next, we booked plane tickets to Rome from Toulouse, the nearest regional airport, on Ryanair (cheaper than the train tix), and a hotel near the airport (Appart Hotel Odalys Toulouse) because our flight was super early in the morning. I have not much to say about Toulouse, other than that the train from Lourdes to Toulouse arrived late and the train station was far from the airport, so we had to take a tram and walk quite a ways. And then the hotel, which was nothing special but advertised a shuttle to the airport, was a little over a mile to the entrance of the airport, even though on the map it looked like only a half a mile. One of our travel mistakes was that the shuttle didn't run until 6 am, which was when our flight left. Since we had lugged our bags all over creation the night before, my husband refused to walk, so we called a cab - which was 60 Euro to take us all that one mile. It cost less than that to uber almost an hour from central Rome to the airport. Lesson learned - check distance and/or reserve an uber sooner for better prices. 

Finally, we booked cheap flights on EasyJet from Rome to Munich and then rented a car to get to Nuremberg, which was cheaper and faster than taking the train, since we were a party of four. Plus, my husband discovered on our last trip that it is fun to drive in Germany, and he was weary of public transportation!

So with the itinerary was set and reservations were made, we, eventually, packed our bags. Traveling to Europe for a wedding requires slightly different packing strategies, but we were able to figure out a way to fit all of the dress clothes and fancy shoes in a hanging bag that could still be used as a carry-on, except for on RyanAir and EasyJet, and made sure all of our carry-ons fit the size regulations of European airlines, and then scaled back, twice, what we thought we wanted to take - which ended up being plenty.  Shopping for wedding and rehearsal dresses took a little time as well - hence, no BackBayView updates for months!  

The next edition will have more updates about what we experienced and photos of the events.  This is the boring post with travel details for reference later. BUT I'm adding a few photos for interest!

 

Updates - Moving again

July 3rd.

Midsummer has come and gone. Many days have passed and many things have happened since the last time I wrote, and although I cannot chronicle them all, I find myself with a minute to look back and reminisce and to look forward as we embark on a new chapter.

I am also grieving the last chapter of our lives and anxious about the next and hope that writing for a minute might help clear my mind, as I can't seem to move out of the mental spiral I find myself in. 

The latest update is that we have packed up and left Texas and arrived in northern Indiana, where my husband has been living and working since the end of January. We stopped along the way to see both sets of grandparents and one set of cousins. The cousins have a big, beautiful, newly built house with a huge backyard and a pool that is making me question our decision to leave suburbia and return to urban life.  And another friend sent photos of their new farm in Pennsylvania. Then we spent a day at my parents' farm in southern Indiana.  Rural life was also looking attractive. 

So when we drove up to our new house that I had only seen online and in a Facetime call, my stomach dropped. My 19 year old, who was with me, said, "Oh Mom, I don't think this is your forever home." And I felt the same thing. My heart didn't leap up; it sank. We will have only a tiny backyard, which is actually a side yard since the house in on a corner, with a little patio, a small plot of grass, and a koi pond - bonus! The front and side yards are landscaped nicely, but in my mind the back yard was bigger, more of a sanctuary space. And in person, the house paint looks shabby, the front entrance needs an update, and the windows are ancient.

We looked at many houses, and my husband looked at this one in person. We put an offer in on one (not one of the two in the last post) and sacrificed the earnest money to make an offer on this one. The one we had an offer on was tiny and dark inside and needed a major renovation/addition to accommodate our family, but the price was great, it was in the neighborhood we liked, and it had a beautiful yard. The house we will sign for tomorrow was actually one I looked at on Zillow based on pictures from 10 years ago when it was sold last after it was renovated.  Dan Face-timed me when he walked through, and we both loved what we saw. It was so much better than what we had looked at before in terms of space and updates.  But I didn't look closely at windows and and bathroom fixtures, and for some reason, I thought the yard was oriented differently and was larger.

Then I also started fretting because the kitchen is in the back of the house and connects to a dining room and a small sitting room, but not to the living room. I like the detailing in the house - it's an older home with nice moldings and built-in bookshelves, and it has a sizeable basement and 4 bedrooms, plus a little office that can function as a guest room. There is much to like about it, but it is just not what I thought it was.

This is the peril of online shopping. Ask me why I didn't fly out to see it myself when it first came on the market? We had to decide quickly because there were two other offers on the house. And then I was so, so, so busy at the end of the school year, and I had just been out to visit to see the little house with the great yard that we had put an offer on two weeks before.  I had driven by this house, but didn't really pay attention to it, other than to note that it was the house I had seen online.  I trusted my husband's opinion, and I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work we would had to have done to transform the little house.

So there I am looking at buying a house I didn't really love. Was this just "cold feet" before a big purchase? My feet literally tingled with anxiety.  

I spent hours that first night here researching real estate deals gone bad. What happens when a buyer backs out at the last minute?  They lose the earnest money. They could be sued. But what happens when someone buys a house then decides it isn't right for the family?  They could lose thousands in the process of selling and buying a different place. Moving is expensive - the fees, the commissions, the insurance, packing costs, the moving company, new curtains and rugs, and the replenishing of all the groceries and cleaning supplies and stupid things like toilet bowl brushes and trash cans that you give and throw away and have to purchase again on the other end, etc. 

And then there is the emotional cost. Our family is mourning friendships, neighbors, our fun house and million dollar view, our parish and school, my students, the Texas rivers, Austin hikes, and even the things we didn't do yet- we never went to the Schlitterbahn! Why, I even spent a ridiculous amount of time moaning about a bag of old ND t-shirts I gave away to Goodwill at the last minute because they might have had sentimental value. Meanwhile I crammed into the car a ridiculous amount of junk with no value, including 5 old laptops, discarded by the kids when they updated, that we never sent to the e-waste place, because I wasn't sure if the kids had scrubbed the hard drives. 

Why was I mourning old t-shirts? Because I feared that in the bag was a little Notre Dame t-shirt that my husband had worn as a child and then our boys wore when they were little.  I'd been saving the bag to give my sister-in-law, whom we were going to see, for her littlest son. Silly thing to feel sad about, but it represented bigger losses -  the loss of childhood, the loss of connections to the past, and my lack of preparation for leaving. I packed in a rush and didn't give myself time to sort through old things, so in a moment of distress about how much stuff was sitting around, I told my daughter to take the bag along with multiple other bags of stuff that we didn't need to the donation center.

How did we have so much stuff? We just did this 4 years ago. Why didn't I get rid of more? I threw away huge loads of junk, gave away huge loads of junk, and still had loads of junk packed into boxes and shoved into the car. We had boxes of papers we hadn't opened since we left California - some of them hadn't been opened even before that move. They are full of papers from my husband's job and from our children's art and from my class notes. All stuff that is either now irrelevant, online, or just a memento that no one really wants to treasure forever - scribbles from pre-school years, pictures from fourth grade, papers from 9th... I held on to much more from our older kids than the younger ones, so there is an irregular distribution of mementoes.

I also held onto other old t-shirts with the idea of making t-shirt quilts, but here again I don't have an even number for each kid. I stopped keeping them because I realized it was a futile gesture that wasn't ever going to get finished. I haven't even made photo-books for the last 10 years. 

All this unnecessary stuff! All these unfinished projects! 

And now here we are living in a temporary 4 bedroom furnished apartment which is just fine without most of our stuff. (I do have those dead laptops still!)  We closed on the new house Tuesday despite my anxieties, but we are giving the owner a month rent back while he relocates (part of the reason he took our offer).  

Actually, after our walk-through, I felt better about the house. It is a good size for us - not too big when it is just my husband, our daughter, and I, but big enough to accommodate a sizable group when the kids come home or friends visit. We are going to renovate the bathrooms right away, paint a couple rooms, and get new windows and screens for the sun room this fall. Other new windows and updates like exterior paint and adding a front portico, can wait till next spring.  Our daughter is excited about picking out wallpaper, an area rug, and new furniture for her room. We're all excited about outfitting the game room in the basement - but that may take place over time, too. 

After a couple of days of getting used to adjusted expectations, I feel better about the house, but I'm not sure it's our forever house, and I'm giving up on the idea that such a thing exists as I observe our aging relatives moving out of their "forever homes" into smaller places. There's a part of me that wishes we had committed to renting for a year to get a feel for the area and what our next chapter will look like. That was sort of the idea with the little house - buy it to live in for a bit until we decided what we wanted in a future home.  But part of the problem is that what I want shifts all the time - one minute small, sustainable, and tidy is appealing, the next minute, wide open spaces are what I crave. 

I haven't forgotten (and neither has my husband) the anxiety I felt about our Texas house, which was such a shift from where we were before. Big, expensive, contemporary.  I lost a lot of sleep about making such a big commitment, but we were happy there. The kids loved it. The neighbors were great. After having a fraught relationship with the pool in Coronado, I ended up loving the Texas pool, which we swam in every day before we left. The neighbors came over to swim almost every day, too! The game room and bar and movie theater at our Texas house bothered me when we were moving, but by the time we left, they were part of the fun. And now guess what we are putting in our new basement? A projector and either a pool table or ping pong table or something. The 19 yr old has requested a peloton or treadmill. And under the stairs is a little bar space - snack bar, that is. Perfect for making popcorn and serving up soda or hot chocolate!

If moving all these times has taught me anything, it's that we can make anything into a home. We tend to pendulum swing from smaller, urban houses to bigger, suburban houses each time we move.  I just want the kids to want to come and see us and to feel comfortable staying as long as they want/can, although I know our lives have shifted.  The 19 yr old said she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere, but she'll always have a home with us, wherever we are.  The platitudes about home being wherever we are together ring true. Soon we'll be putting out a new welcome mat and turning on the lights to welcome all!

Life cycles

 I think for Lent I should have given up Zillow. 

We have decided .... nothing. I spend a lot of time scrolling through Zillow and Google Earth. 

Both houses mentioned in the past post haven't sold, and I still haven't been able to commit to them or any other. I'm starting to drive my husband bonkers. The bigger, more expensive house is probably off the list. My husband has shifted his preference to a different neighborhood, and that one needs more work than is in our budget. The Tudor is still on the market. It didn't sell right away as we thought it might. My husband really wanted to make an offer, but I was hesitant, even though I can see us living there.  It's the kind of house that suits our eclectic style. It has a wonderful 3 season porch where we'd likely spend most of our time. But the back yard is tiny - and dominated by a large evergreen - maybe a hemlock? It shades the back corner and probably makes the soil acidic. Additionally, we'd have to add a second full bath, probably in the basement, and reconfigure the dining room into an office/guest bed and the family room into the dining room.  And I can't decide if our living room furniture fits Tudor aesthetic. So get new, you say! But still I feel like this house is priced a little high for this neighborhood.

In the meantime, a couple other options in that same neighborhood have come on the market. Both need substantial work. One really isn't an option - too much work for too much money. The other one is now my husband's favorite. It has a bigger yard and is located just slightly further into the neighborhood away from the busy street you turn off of to enter the community.  

But this one also would be a total redo. Even more substantial than the first one, and this one is even smaller, although it has an attached garage that my husband has an idea to turn into a family room. I have a hard time envisioning the completed house. I can see how the tiny kitchen and dining room could be combined, and the back porch rehabbed, but I have a hard time imagining how to make the teeny bathrooms bigger and how to make the dark front entry brighter. In addition, at one time a row of ten evergreens were planted along the back fence. These are now towering skinny, scraggly trees that look like a hazard in a big storm. They should probably be replaced. The juniper bushes in the front are tree-sized and need to be removed.  If the garage is turned into a family room, a new garage would have to be built.  It's a huge project, almost like building from scratch, and I don't know if I'm up for that. I can't even pick a dress for my son's wedding; how could I make the decisions for a total house remodel? Considering how crazy the markets are right now, building materials may be unobtainable any way.

So should we go back to the original house we were attracted to? Maybe it is sitting there waiting for us. My initial hesitation about its small yard and small kitchen could be overcome because it is the best option for now. Or maybe we need to let go of the dream to live in a more urban area in an older home and just get the big house in the suburbs, like what we have now.  Fortunately, we have a back-up plan: my husband has found a place to rent for 6 months to a year.  

But enough about the house. I haven't written enough about the fact that we are grandparents! This is by far the highlight of the year.  Our little granddaughter is a smiley, round doll baby. She is so easy and good! Our son and daughter-in-law just took her on a long trek to see her great-grandparents, and apparently, she was a perfect traveler. She slept long stretches and smiled and cooed for her great-grandparents, who needed some sunshiney baby time because my father-in-law had just had surgery for a cancer and had some complications. We are praying for him to have a full recovery, although it sounds like he may need a second surgery to make sure they got everything. 

Meanwhile school has been going great, which makes it harder to tell everyone that I'm leaving soon. But after Easter the message will go out. In the meantime, I am trying to enjoy these moments, even as I obsess about houses and have a constantly growing bulletin of to-dos cycling in my brain.  After all these moves, I know we'll continue to find community and purpose wherever we land, but it's never easy to say goodbye.  Even if we were staying, things change. Other people come and go - here we have seen some startling, saddening changes among our friend group lately in between death and divorce.  

And so we start again.

Our Google Earth journey of addresses, estimated. Need more Pacific NW.

The latest

March came in like a lion, but it is now lamblike. The season of Lent has arrived with sunny skies and mild temperatures. Meanwhile memories of a frigid February are fading, as signs of spring brighten each morning. 

Taking a moment to reflect on Lent since I haven't written in a bit. This Lent has some privations out of my control - my husband is working 1000 miles away. Most of my kids are grown. Teaching takes up all my time - except the hour just wasted deleting junk email and sifting through old message attachments in order to avoid having to pay extra storage fees because we have maxed out the gigabites we get for free after 20 some years. This is the sort of activity I should give up for Lent, and to a certain extent, I have greatly limited my media use. I've been intending to accompany my sacrifice of media time with in increase in prayer, spiritual reading and acts of charity-  I have plenty of need to grow in holiness in other ways.

For the meantime, I have resolved to follow Pope Francis's request and give up most social media (counting this as a journal, not social media). I am still checking in occasionally to see if my kids share anything, but I trying to sacrifice the doom scroll. I need to accompany this with giving up reading the Wall Street Journal cover to cover. . . 

All these things! Cutting back on them all should free me for more time to read and to worship; instead all of my "extra" time has been spent looking at Zillow.

Yes, our move is a reality. Since I last wrote over 2 months ago, my husband has taken a new job up north, about 2 hours from our first grandbaby and 3 from my parents. We are doing the "Geo-bach" thing, as they call it in the Navy - he's in South Bend, and I'm finishing the school year in Texas. It's not ideal, but two months have flown by, so I assume the next 3 will fly.  Our plan is to move north after the last day of school, our son's wedding, and our nephew's wedding. And maybe the 4th of July... 

I am relishing every day here. The weather is beautiful. School is going well. Our friends are wonderful. I feel guilty that my husband is living in a tiny condo surrounded by college students who have a very different schedule than he does - and the walls are thin enough he can hear them. 

We spent half of last week with him on a house hunting mission over spring break.  We found some options, but I am feeling really hesitant to commit. Meanwhile, my husband would put an offer in on the first house he looked at if I let him.  Right now we have 2 good options that we need to act on if we are going to make an offer. A third option has my favorite yard, but it is a mid-century home stuck in the mid-century (not yet modern...) and though it is on a nice street, it is hemmed in by busier streets. It's been on the market almost 3 months, so we are passing on that one. 

The other two aren't on the market yet. They are both older homes and both need some work to make them work for our family. The first is a very, very cute Tudor that is updated with excellent taste, but it is only a 3 bedroom. We would want to renovate a dining room + laundry room into a first floor primary suite, add an apartment over the garage and connect the garage to the house with a greenhouse-like breezeway. I would also like to open up the kitchen into the next room which now is set up as a den but would make a better dining room because it is next to the kitchen. 

This house would work for us, and it is nicely appointed and cute. Very Tudor living room, though, with exposed beams and a pitched roof, and a narrow staircase leading upstairs to the bedrooms. A hidden tiny room off the primary BR could function as an extra sleeping space. The stairs are intimidating to me - if our parents came to live with us, these stairs would be treacherous. Same with the stairs to the finished basement. It is not a house for elderly right now.

Also, it is closer to downtown, which is seeing a revival right now, but has historically been pretty sketchy. This particular house is in a neighborhood  that has been insulated from local crime, but it is closer to the cross street that signals the end of the less - crime ridden neighborhood.

The other house is close to campus where we had initially targeted living, although many of the houses are turning to Air BNBs, which is great when you need extra overflow, but may disrupt the feel of the neighborhood as a communicy. This house is expensive, but needs updates, mostly paint, but also windows, another bathroom, and the basement redone. Add a kitchen gut to make it work for our lifestyle.

So what to do???

Wait to see if something better comes up? South Bend isn't actually a haven of cute houses.  Is it worthwhile to wait and hope something at least more in line with our preferences, or is a ? I said last time that I wasn't going to get in a pressure situation, but here we are.  It's basically neighborhood vs. renovation.

                             

Reading in Review

 This was a low reading year for me. I'm embarrassed to admit that a lot of that is because I spent time scrolling when I could have been reading - waiting rooms, bathrooms, lines, after dinner check ins. We also watched more TV this year - or I did. I used to skip out on tv time but this year I sat down more with the fam because movie nights are more limited. Unfortunately, very little of what we watched is worth mentioning. "All Creatures Great and Small" is definitely our favorite worthwhile series. "Only Murders in the Building" was entertaining last winter. We watched a little "Abbott Elementary," which I found funnier than the rest of my family.  Some Fr. Brown mysteries, "The Bear." We rewatched some Marvel movies and Star Wars and ET and some other classics like "Return to Me" and "Shawshank Redemption" - both a little too old -  with the youngest for the first time.  I'd rather watch something more redemptive, but working on classics of a sort. 

Why else didn't I read as much? Can I claim I read a lot of the newspaper?- the WSJ, of course. I spend about an hour at least every Sunday reading the weekend Journal and catching up on features from daily editions that I didn't have time to get to. 

I also spent more time rereading books for school - The Hobbit and The Giver, Fever 1793 and The Witch of Blackbird Pond.  I previewed The Outsiders and skimmed The of Anne Frank. But did I waste time looking for reading selections online? I did, yes I did. 

And did time I spent grading and looking for resources also eat away at my reading time? But of course.

So the sad news is that I only read 48 books this year. Fewer by 20 than what I read last year, although I'm pretty sure I forgot to write some books down on my list. I appreciate this list for that very reason. In fact, I know I read something to and from my mom and dad's house at Christmas - but what was it? My November and December reads are missing, and though they are the most recent, I can't remember for the life of me what I read. It's really bothering me. I did spend a lot of our travel time catching up with grading, but I also know I did some reading on the road trip. 

I also started some books I didn't finish. This is the case with a couple of spiritual books I started to read. I subscribe to and read Plough, the magazine published by the Bruderhof. I really enjoy its mix of culture, faith, and commentary, but this is my second year of subscribing, so I might move on to a new magazine next year. 

Most of the books I wrote down were children's classics: Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, Little Women, The Anne of Green Gables books.  All of these were young adult books, but thoroughly enjoyed by this adult. They were probably my favorite reads of the year.

I did not accomplish a read of a long and thick classic. No Dickens, no Trollope, no Tolstoy. And really we only read part one of Little Women. 

But now a review. Of the 48 books: 

• 38 were novels
• 5 were read alouds - a habit that has slowed down, sadly
• 15 were children's chapter books
• 6 were advice books
• 0 spiritual books. I started but did not finish a couple spiritual books this year. A poverty
• 1 book of poetry, although I did skim some books of poetry from the library
• 1 Collection of essays
• 16 were rereads, mostly the children's books
• No local authors, unless you count S. E. Hinton, who was from Tulsa.
• 6 were by BIPOC authors 
• 10 were nonfiction. 

Of the 38 books of fiction.

• Few count as classics - mostly children's books: Where the Red Fern Grows and The Hobbit. The Witch of Blackbird Pond, A Little Princess, The Anne books, the Twain books

My favorite nonfiction book: The Anxious Generation, although the Vanderbilt book was fascinating.

Favorite novels of the year: Huckleberry Finn and James by Percival Everett, although I found Absolution absorbing. 

Least favorite:  Why did I read so many self help books on aging?

Goals for next year: 

Less media, more books, more reading aloud, more reading widely. 

And now to read before falling asleep. 

Looking forward, looking back

 Time for the annual look back - look forward post!  I think I've already quit my New Year's resolutions - or haven't started them yet. I know there's a lot of back and forth about the wisdom of making resolutions, and I suppose I could do a little science experiment and go back over the past 12 years or so of writing a beginning of the year post to assess if I've made any lasting changes. The results would probably be mixed. I know every year I resolve to get more sleep and drink more water, but I haven't yet succeeded. Note that growth mindset "yet" - I'm still trying! But I think in other ways I have made some progress - I like to think I'm a little better at letting things go, at releasing the illusion of control. I like to think that years of saying goodbye have made me a little more grateful for friendship, for beauty, for the time we have. Maybe that's just age.

One thing that is different this year - I have been feeling my age. My feet hurt constantly, my cholesterol is up, my joints are stiff, and my vision is terrible.  I try to avoid looking in the mirror at my wrinkles and gray hair. Worst of all, I catch myself thinking about the kids in ways that are outdated; I have to remind myself they won't live with us any more. For instance, I cleaned out the linen closet and realized I don't need to keep as many twin bed sheet sets and pillows anymore because no one is having sleepovers anymore.  

In between aging and working full time, my fitness resolution is a little different this year because I have to be more intentional about things like getting my heart rate up and stretching. I used to do those things without thinking.  Last year I ran very little. This year I will likely run hardly at all. But I do need to find something to get my heart rate up. My most recent dr's appointment revealed elevated cholesterol, and I firmly believe it is less from a change in diet than a steep decline in vigorous exercise that elevates my heart rate. The solution - plan the time, realizing it doesn't have to be running. I did "Just Dance" with my daughter today and was breathing heavy by the end.

Also new this year: fewer carbs.  Until the last year or so, I was able to eat carbs without ill effect. Now I don't burn the calories I used to burn exercising. The upside is that I don't crave the carbohydrates I used to crave. I started the day with a bowl or two of cereal every day for years and couldn't imagine cutting back. Now I'm lucky if I eat breakfast.  Even so, I've gained weight and lost muscle. Time to cut back on carbs and sugar, woe!  

And of course, drink more water and get more sleep...

In regard to those other pillars of an integrated life - faith, family, academics, and community - I'm really embracing the pilgrims of hope theme for the year promulgated by Pope Francis. We'll be in Rome for our son's wedding this May, so we'll get to experience the Jubilee year opening of the doors. I want to really do some preparation of heart and mind for this, although I haven't really set out how/what to read, etc. We also are talking about making a trip to Lourdes as a part of that European vacation. We were married at Our Lady of Lourdes almost 29 years ago. It seems fitting to make a pilgrimage of thanksgiving. 

In between preparing for that trip and for moving, I will be busy, but with my husband starting his new job, life around the house will be quieter.  I'm hoping to use some of the time to do some of the volunteer things and travel things I've been meaning to do with our 10 year old.  I want to go out with the Mobile Loaves and Fish truck sponsored by a parish near us that serves the hungry in our community and serve donuts on Sundays. That seems kind of simple, but it's a job the church is always asking for help with. 

The other thing I want to shoehorn in with my daughter is visiting a few more of the state parks around here before we move, especially Enchanted Rock, Caddo Lake, and Palo Duro and Big Bend if I can find the time. Enchanted Rock should be easy to do. The other three are farther away, and we'll also be doing some traveling to see the kids/husband some weekends.   

Before I finish up the school year, I want to finish writing out a curriculum map. There was nothing for me when I got here, and working on the vertical alignment of the ELA curriculum has been a goal for the school this year. I'm still trying to match up standards of learning with units for the two grades I teach. It makes me sad to thing here I am finally getting a good handle on our goals and how to reach them when it's time to go. Will I return to the classroom next year? That's something I'm praying about this year. 

I'll also be praying for our house to sell and the grace to trust something will work out with housing if it doesn't. The high interest rates are discouraging.  If we don't sell this house, we'll have a hard time financing a new one, and the rental market is saturated.  Finding and financing housing is always the most stressful part of moving.  The move here in 2021 was particularly stressful because of the post-pandemic shortages in housing and low interest rates that artificially inflated the price of housing. We'll surely lose some and maybe a lot of money on this house.

But blessedly, we have a cushion, and while the financial hit would be uncomfortable, it's survivable. The fires in California are a tragic reminder of how quickly possessions can be lost - and how a house/wealth/stuff isn't what makes life worth living.  Not to diminish the importance of a home, shelter, mementoes, roots - the losses are devastating. But the human heart is resilient and many, hopefully most, if not all, of the people suffering catastrophic losses will find the support and inner determination to start again, even if somewhere else, not in such a lovely but liable place. Or perhaps in the same place, just with more protections - personal hydrants, sprinkler systems, etc. - or more agility to pivot/evacuate quickly.  I was reading about how some of the very wealthy people impacted by the fire have second and third homes to retreat to, but the working class people are struggling to find lodging because landlords are price gouging and charging exorbitant rents.  On the other hand, there are just as many stories about people opening up room in their homes. May the generous side of human nature continue to win out. 

All of these things are cause for prayer.  I'll be praying for answers to big questions, trying to start new habits, find a new home, discern what our newest iteration of life will look like, while at the same time trying to soak up the goodness of our place here, to spend quality time with the friends here, to get to some of the places we meant to visit, to make the most of what we have here before we go. And of course praying for the needs of loved ones and strangers in need. 

New Year, New Beginnings

Perhaps my New Year's resolution should be to post more often - or to just give up this blog. Blogs are out of style, our life has changed, etc. But I do like coming back to this place and reading about what I thought - something I never do with diaries.  I also like that in an era when everything is constantly changing, this little corner of the internet remains the same. I probably should not say that too loud or Blogger may disappear, but here we are.  One of my new year's resolutions is to try to update at least what I'm reading once a month. 

I really didn't mean to let almost three months slip past before posting again.  My lack of posting isn't really due to being busy; I've been busy, but not any busier than I ever was.  Rather, we've had a lot of things simmering that took up time and thought. 

First, the biggest blessing of the year: Our first granddaughter was born! She has been long hoped for, so we are especially grateful for her sweet perfection. She is a real doll baby - weighing in a 9 pounds and 14 ounces at birth a just before Christmas, she is perfectly formed and has beautiful color, a full head of dark Italian hair, soft round cheeks, and the sweetest little rosebud mouth. We are in love! The whole family is thrilled to have a baby in the family again. Everyone was eager to hold her, and she was content to be passed around. Our son and his wife haven't stopped beaming. 

The other big news is that we will be moving again next summer. This wasn't entirely planned.  Just when we were feeling settled at home in Texas, the time has come to pull the roots up again. My husband has just been hired into his dream job. It seems almost too good, too smooth, to be true. Doors opened in a way that suggests Providence at work, except that he has worked hard and well for this opportunity. I am really proud of what he has accomplished here in a short amount of time. The notes from the people that work for him attest to his leadership.  He worked extremely hard to improve the working conditions for a lot of people. My daughter's friend, who is interning in the office, said people cried when he announced he was leaving. He cried. He is going to his dream job, but he is leaving behind a place that almost ate him alive, but now he has them eating breakfast tacos and donuts and birthday cakes... He prioritized the people who work for him - as well the faculty and students he serves- and they appreciated that.  

It is hard to leave a place where you have had such a positive impact, but I know he will continue to be just as dedicated to building morale at this new job. 

The best part of the new job is that we'll just be a couple hours from our new grandbaby and our son and daughter-in-law. We'll be 31/2 hours from my parents and siblings. We'll be 90 minutes from a major city and airports to which our coastal kids can travel easily - and close to a small local airport if needed.

The sad part is we'll be farther from my in-laws, my husband's siblings, and my brother.  We'll have to leave the wonderful community we've found here. We'll have to sell, probably at a loss, this party house that I've had a love/hate relationship with, but I've come to appreciate.  As much as I find the pool a labor and money drain, it has been luxurious to have one in the hot summers. It took me several years to learn to live larger, and now we'll likely return to simpler accommodations. No doubt, I'll miss the comforts like plenty of room in the kitchen and living spaces and a big pantry. We'll miss the great sunsets, the space for games and hanging out together, the mild winters, the view of the forest preserve, and the wonderful neighbors who are happy to help with the dog and the trash when we are gone or to join us for a happy hour or driveway party when we are home. It's a sociable place.

We'll also both miss our jobs here, even though we both experienced challenges our first year or so. I wouldn't claim to be an expert, but I've learned a lot about teaching in general and about middle schoolers and about myself. It turns out I enjoy middle schoolers. They make me laugh. 

Why is saying goodbye so hard? Readers may find it surprising that I feel so sad about leaving when I was not exactly a fan of Texas initially. There are still some things I find off putting about this place, but it has a distinct ethos. Texas knows and loves itself.  The terrain is often stark, but also startling, especially in this hill country area, and when the wildflowers are blooming.  The people are brash but loving.  We have again made wonderful friends, some of whom I haven't told yet because it is so hard to say goodbye, and the move isn't imminent.  My husband will start soon, but our 10 year old and I will finish up the school year before packing up after our second son's wedding at the end of May. 

The irony is that we are moving to a state I couldn't wait to leave when I was a teenager. I'm sure we'll find our spot and our people and settle into a rhythm and routine in this place, but I'm dreading the work of moving and starting over again, if I am honest with myself, even though I'm thrilled for my husband. I'm sad for my daughter and her best friend three doors down. I'm sad for my kids who went to high school here and made good friends. They won't know people when they come home for breaks. I'm sad for my in-laws, whom we've seen more of in the last couple of years than we did in the previous decade.  I'm sad for my older kids who like to visit us here, where we have plenty of space and there are lots of fun things to do and see out and about. We aren't exactly going to a cultural mecca for our next stop. 

This move will likely be for a longer duration, even though I dream of settling in a cute little town, maybe coastal, maybe in New England, maybe in the mountains. I don't know where I hope we retire, but I hope it is someplace with beautiful views and cultural opportunities and good trails nearby - sounds a lot like California or South Carolina or Maine - or our back yard here. I hope I am able to conquer my inability to stay, to attach, to feel at home, to at last find the place where I can finally feel that way. Maybe it will be an airstream trailer we knock about in to go and visit our kids and grandkids wherever they land. 

Now to go back to pretending we are staying here for a few more months. I'm hoping to wait until after spring break to talk about it with our friends and neighbors here.  I want to soak up our days here as fully as possible before they fade into memory.