Friday, July 19, 2024

Once more to the lake

It's been awhile since I taught E. B. White's classic essay "Once More to the Lake," but it's elegaic title and tone capture the experience of this summer's brief trip to Michigan. As I mentioned in the last post, in early June, my youngest daughter and I flew to Traverse City to meet up with my parents, my older brother and his partner, and my sister and her family. Last summer was reunion year - all three of my siblings and their families, all my nephews and nieces, and all of my own children gathered on South Shore Drive for a summer vacation that was both relaxing and emotionally draining.  There were a lot of people to feed and entertain.  We weren't all on the same schedule, but even so, we did make some great memories. This summer trip had no expectations and so less drama, but also fewer emotional highs. 

Like White, my experience of the lake is colored by memories of my own childhood as I witness the experiences of my youngest.  As I've written about before, when I was growing up, our family went to the same place every summer. We did the same things - swim, bike, read, eat cherry pie and ice cream, watch the sunset, shop in little gift shops, and take a hike or two. Occasionally neighbors would take us out on their boats. My dad, brothers, and grandpa fished. A couple of times, I went on the charter boat, but I mostly read. We didn't mind doing the same thing every year - we craved tradition.

My own children have different memories. Visiting the grandparents has been our tradition, but we've done a lot of different things in the summer the last few years. We have gone to the lake many times, but not every year.  My youngest had few memories of it before last summer. Now that we have gone twice in a row, she has memories of the places and people. But her experience is so different - instead of a handful of cousins around the same age, it was just she and my niece this year.  They play quieter games than their brothers did at the same age.  When I was that age - 10 - I had two cousins and a sister to pal around with, but I also loved solitary time. I was a reader and a dreamer. I liked to spend time at the lake drawing and painting and writing stories. I wanted to hike up into the woods.  In White's essay, he watches his son play in the water and feels time condensing - he is both his son and his father in that moment. Mortal and immortal through memory. I experience a similar emotion when I watch my daughter, but I also am missing not just my own childhood summers, but the childhood summers my children experienced.  Nostalgia threatens to overwhelm at times.

Meanwhile, reading a book about nostalgia on the flight - Ann Patchett's Tom Lake, which as I mentioned takes place in upstate Michigan - reminded me of how unreliable memory can be, and how some memories are resurrected at surprisingly or unexpected times. Visiting the cherry orchard I remembered made me realize I didn't remember the cherry orchard as it was, but rather I remembered what it meant to me. I either never knew or never absorbed the connection of the orchard to Bruce Catton. How often my memory is untrustworthy! I biked to it this summer and stopped to take a few photos, but it no longer is a thriving orchard. Even though house looked tired. I didn't poke around much because I didn't want to trespass, but I remember posing for photos among the trees one summer with my sister and cousins when we were in high school - pre-digital photo/selfie days, but at that age when we loved to envision ourselves as models.  We were beautiful - maybe not by worldly standards - but in our awkward, hopeful, unique ways.  

So here we are - five weeks after this vacation, and I'm just getting around to finishing this post. Somehow this summer has not had the time for the reflection that I was hoping to find. 





In the cherry orchard


Flora of the Michigan coast

This photo is supposed to be of a bald eagle swooping over the lake, but I missed it!

And here is a photo of a deer that just ran into the woods...

Another view from the orchard that doesn't exist any more








Lady's slipper! A rare sighting


Great color contrasts






Modeling

Monday, July 1, 2024

What I've been reading lately

 While the rest of the country is suffering from the heat dome, here in Texas we have had a fairly mild summer compared to last year - it's only been in the low 90s most of June. We've been enjoying the pool, getting up earlyish to exercise, taking a dip in the pool before bedtime to lower our core temperature, and eating lots of popsicles and ice cream.

Yesterday was one of the first days I have had to sit by the pool and read. Not that the summer has been all busy, but when I haven't been busy, I've been social or working on things like finding new homeowner's insurance and planning summer travel and taking an online course for teaching religion. Not really work, but tied to a laptop. 

So what have I been reading? I finished Terms of Endearment by Larry McMurtry yesterday. I've never seen the movie but I pictured Shirley Maclaine as Aurora Greenway the whole time I was reading. She doesn't entirely match the image of Aurora as described in the book. Aurora is supposed to be full figured, maybe plump, and taller than average. She is bossy and flirtatious and unpredictable, qualities MacLaine might have succeeded in representing. Just looking at the cast online reveals that the movie doesn't follow the book closely. The first two thirds of the book are about Aurora romancing four "mature" lovers as she enters her 50s. The last third features her daughter Emma another decade later, just prior to her cancer diagnosis.  It sounds like the movie focuses on or combines Emma's tragedy with Aurora's adventures.

I picked up this book because I have never read anything by Larry McMurtry, and I'm trying to read books by Texas writers, most of which are westerns, unsurprisingly.  Terms is an unusual book, relatively light on plot. In fact, I kept wondering exactly what the conflict is - Aurora's inability to choose a suitor? Her struggle to redefine herself in late middle age? The challenge of relationships in late middle age?  Even having completed the book, I am a little muddled about the themes - maybe because I knew a cancer diagnosis was coming, which should have been the central conflict but really comes late in the novel.  While I was reading, I was anticipating Aurora discovering she has cancer and that would precipitate some change in  her relationships. I kept waiting for her to reform/educate Vernon Dalhart so that he becomes her chosen suitor, but she just sort of decides one night after a failed dinner party to stick with the General.  I would need to reread that section to decipher if she really has an epiphany of sorts - maybe a decision to be loyal to someone? It's more of two books in one, and I can't decide if I liked it or not. It kept me reading and wanting to find out what happened, but I didn't really care for any of the characters. The most likable was Vernon, but he gets sort of set aside after featuring largely early on. Aurora's choice of the General, who is jealous and self-centered, over Vernon, who is kind and generous, is baffling - a statement about the inscrutability of attraction?  Some of the language betrays its 1970s origins.

While on vacation in Michigan, I read Ann Patchett's newest novel Tom Lake, which is set in Michigan at a summer theater remarkably similar to Interlochen, which isn't far from where we stay on Crystal Lake, about 45 minutes from Traverse City. Reading a novel set in a place you particularly love is always intriguing. In my imagination, the cherry orchard that Joe Nelson inherits from his aunt and uncle seemed remarkably like a cherry orchard we used to hike to. Of course, it can't be the same since the one I vaguely remember has a view of Crystal, not Lake Michigan, and it didn't have a little cemetery, but it did curve up a hill and smell sweetly of cherry blossoms and clover, laced with the scent of cedar and sand that pervades upper Michigan.  I hadn't been back to that orchard in years and years, so I biked by it only to discover it doesn't really exist anymore. Most of the trees are gone or no longer being cared for, so the orchard looks half wild. I had forgotten - or never really absorbed - that the property belonged to Bruce Catton, the historian, so that house is not a small farmhouse like the one in the novel, but a larger tudor style dwelling. In my memory, we hiked up the hillside behind the cottage where we used to stay, but I no longer know where the path is, and public access to the path is probably limited now by the newer homes that have sprouted up along the shore road. 

This pleasant blend of memory and imagination endeared the book to me, and the ending provides a sense of promise, but I was hoping for a little more from it. Perhaps my expectations were too high.  The premise of novel explores the relationships between mothers and daughters, and adults and their past, as the story centers around a mother in middle age, Lara, revisiting the past as she tells her adult daughters about a love affair she had with a famous actor one summer before he became famous. The mother had a shortlived acting career that ended because she really could only play one character, Emily from Our Town. (In the notes, Patchett writes that she hoped the book would inspire people to go back and read Thornton Wilder's play, which I am inspired to do, so it is a success in that regard. My memory of Wilder's play is dim in regard to details.) 

Patchett's novel moves back and forth between the present, which is set during the Covid pandemic, and that summer when Lara met the famous actor during a run of Our Town at the summer theater. They live like camp counselors - visiting each other's cabins and sneaking out to swim in the lake. The love affair doesn't outlive the summer. Lara gets hurt and is replaced by her understudy on the stage and in the arms of the famous actor, Peter Duke.  

While I loved reading about Michigan, this book had a couple quirks that prevented it from being a favorite by Patchett, although I did appreciate how she portrayed the way that children get the past wrong - they misunderstand and create stories about their parents based on patched together stories that are missing information. Lara's story is supposed to fill in the gaps for her girls, even though the idea that a mother shares as much about a past love affair with her adult children is perhaps a stretch. At times it is a little unclear whether she is sharing or just remembering. In the end some holes in the familiy history are filled in with a few surprises.  The relationship between the girls and their mother improves perhaps somewhat, but doesn't change much as a result of learning about her past. Lara's relationship with her husband seems strong, but her deep dive into the past seems to make her realize how much passion she experienced with the actor, who ends up an alcoholic. That isn't really a spoiler because you know in the beginning he is both famous and a drunk. On the other hand, her marriage seems deeply satisfying and healthy, despite it being something of a rebound relationship. It seems a testament to how much love for a place keeps the family united and people grounded. Even the famous actor loved the orchard more than perhaps he ever loved any person besides himself. 

Other fast reads: Carrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid and James by Percival Everett which is one of the hot books of the summer. Reid's book is the story of a professional tennis player making a comeback after years on the sidelines. Carrie Soto retired from professional tennis after reaching a goal of winning a Grand Slam, but when her record is threatened by a younger player, she returns to the court. This book may not appeal to everyone because much of the novel is spent describing Carrie's training and games, and of course, Carrie makes some bad choices during her famous years. She does reconcile with her father and achieve some self-awareness over the years about how single minded and rude she was. It was interesting to reflect on what it takes to rise to the top - and is it possible to do so without using and abusing others. The question of whether genius requires a little monomania is an interesting one. 

James, Percival Everett's novel about the slave Jim from Mark Twain's books, has garnered a lot of media attention and accolades. It moves fast - James falls from one misadventure into another in an episodic plot harkening to the structure of Twain's book, and others of that time. It also employs both the irony and sarcasm present in Twain's voice.  I need to go back and reread Huck Finn - it's been a long time, and I forget a lot of the details. I considered reading Tom Sawyer with my 8th graders, but the language was an issue. Twain is a writer I have never really loved, although I appreciate his talent. Percival Everett's book has some of Twain's biting humor, but is lighter on descriptions and heavier on both action and commentary about the use of langauge. The premise is that James, known to Twain's readers and to white people in Everett's book as Jim, escapes and meets up with Huck and then gets separated and has his own adventures before crossing paths with Huck again near the end of the novel.  Everett revises Twain's story quite a bit, especially at the end, adding events that suggest "this is what I wish was could have happened." In Everett's book, slaves have two languages - a grammatically correct and linguistically advanced English that they speak with each other, and a slave dialect that they speak in the presence of white people. Perhaps this is inspired by the literate work of Black writers like Phylis Wheatley and Frederick Douglass. James is a teacher who instructs children in when and how to use the slave language to give white people what they want. He also tells the children that there is no God, Who is another fabrication by whites to maintain power and oppress others. James runs away because he is going to be sold, but he doesn't want to go far because he is motivated to free his wife and daughter, whom I don't remember in Twain's book. 

The book is more of a mediation on the use of language to get and maintain power than a plot driven story like Twain's Huck Finn, although Twain's book also contains its share of biting satire, although the plot of James moved quickly. Occasionally, I'd have to backtrack to figure out just how the action shifted to a new location - but maybe that was because I was reading late at night.  The book is complex and mashes contemporary ideas about identity and language with a setting 180 years in the past. I can see why it is a source of conversation. 

I've also just finished rereads of Anne of Green Gables adn Anne of Avonlea with my daughter and started Anne of the Island. The sequels lack the endearing escapades that Anne experienced in the first novel, but are escapist retreats into the flowery descriptions of Prince Edward Island and the friendships and light romances Anne finds herself engaged in. That style of writing has been out of favor for a long time, but I love it, and happily my daughter seems to love it too - reading it out loud to her perhaps is an aid to appreciation. 

Finally, I skimmed a self-help book, How Not to Age by Dr. Michael Greger, the type of book you can usually just read the intro or a review and know what the book has to say. I actually checked this one out to get myself to be more motivated to go to bed earlier and to read to my husband a little bit to convince him of the virtues of eating more vegetables and less meat and carbs. And it provides a great defense of wheat germ, my long ago favorite additive, for brain health.  I am not a fad diet person, but lately aches and pains and poor sleep have me fearing that age is catching up more quickly than I'd like, so I need to be more intentional about turning out the lights earlier and getting more fruits and vegetables into my body. All the things you know are good for you, but books and junk food are just more enticing...



Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Feeling sentimental

After celebrating graduation with her family and at friends' parties, our daughter had a graduation/birthday party with friends.  She turned 18 the second week of June, so we combined celebrations and decorated with graduation themed decor that friends had passed on and with balloons and cupcakes iced to look like daisies for the birthday theme.  It is hard to believe this child is now officially a young adult. She still seems like the little mite who we dragged to all her siblings' athletic events, down trails, to the library, on planes with her noise cancelling headphones, stuffies, and weighted blanket to combat her fears.  How she has grown!

The other day one of the party guests, a friend with a younger daughter, was bemoaning some drama between her daughter and some other girls, and I wanted to say "It will be all right." Of course, I don't know who the friends are or even what the drama is, and maybe it will get worse before it gets better. But her daughter will mature. The false friends will mature. New friendships - and alliances - will form. Some of my kids' best friends today are people they thought hated them. Others never hear from people they thought were best friends. People change.  I won't miss the drama of middle and high school the next couple of years.

But I will miss the full house, the plates on the table, the help with driving and shopping, even the laundry (however little help there was). I'll miss the person that wears those clothes. I'll miss having someone with whom to share coffee, to study at the table, to go on jogs, to worry about (or I'll still worry; I just might have not have enough details). 

I'll miss the track meets and the school masses. I'll miss the binge watching partner and the clothes critiquer. I'll miss the friends filling up the house on weekends and the sound of laughter at midnight even when I want to sleep. I'll miss the hugs in the morning and the blessings at night. I'll miss the baking and vegetable roasting. I'll miss my girl. 

I'll always love this young lady. 










Wednesday, June 5, 2024

Summer sets in

Ah, Summer! Thanks be to God!

Summer break started officially last week, but with the family visiting and house cleaning and a couple days spent at school for meetings and to clean, the week speed by and felt like work. But now we are back to slow starts to the mornings and hot afternoons spent lazing in the pool.

Lots of emotions colored the last month. Our sixth child graduated from high school Memorial Day weekend. I think I was more emotional this time around because I know how rarely she'll be home from now on. When our oldest graduated, I was so excited for him. I loved college, and he was going to the same place. I had confidence in him, our steadiest child, bright, hardworking, so I wasn't too worried, although of course there were things to worry about - including hospitalization for a bad infection and surgery for a knee injury.  I also had a month-old infant at his high school graduation. My mothering days were restarting.  Six children were still at home, and I knew he would be back for holidays and the summer. 

What I didn't realize when we sent him off was how brief those visits home would be. And then there were summer jobs away. The second one was off right behind the first, and suddenly the flight from home seemed to be happening at waterfall pace. The stress of senior year and the emotions of saying goodbye only intensified with each child, rather than lessening. So now that this dear daughter has the spotlight, I have more emotions.  She was the baby so long. If it weren't for that child who was an infant at her brother's graduation 10 years ago, I would have an empty nest this fall.  Even her brother who is still in college won't be home long this summer - at the end of the week he leaves for Italy for a summer internship living with adults with disabilities in the L'Arche community and biking with them through the Dolomites. I'm more than a tiny bit wishful we could all go with him. 

So I'm relishing this brief moment when our days have a relaxing tempo. I cleaned out my closet with my daughter's help and recycled a big stack of old papers. I have a box full of papers still to sort and organize this summer.  I have a list of things I want to accomplish this summer. I'm doing an online class to finish a certification to for Catholic school teachers through Franciscan. I want to do more writing. I'm researching teacher certification programs.  

On that topic: I've committed to another year teaching middle school, but I miss teaching at the college and in adult education. I felt called to this current job, and I have relished the purposefulness of teaching younger students, the relationships with students and other teachers, the learning I had to do and was able to share. But it has not been an easy year. I was exhausted at the end of every day.  I was not especially good at classroom management, and the last couple of weeks I felt like I was floundering.  Even though I went into this with an attitude that I would try it for a year, I want to try again to improve. To quit after one year feels like ... quitting, being defeated.  In contrast, next year if I go back to teaching community college after two years of teaching younger students, it would feel more like a choice - as long as that option still exists.  What I am learning now about classroom management, about designing lesson plans that provide options for differentiated learning, about creating opportunities for participatory learning, about pivoting when something isn't working, are valuable lessons and experiences for teaching any level. 

But this post isn't supposed to be about teaching, although I want to try to write down some of what I learned for next year at some point this summer. 

Instead, I'll share some pictures that capture a slight bit of the delight of having the whole family together. One of the things that makes me happiest is filling up a pew at Mass with my favorite people. I love sharing the sign of peace, sharing communion, praying with and for these particular young adults.  I love that they have fun together and that they enjoy each other's company. Although I regularly complain about the size and upkeep of our house, I'm happy they want to come here and that there is space for them all to gather and hang out. The weekend began with my birthday, which we celebrated with a hike and a baccalaureate Mass and dinner out at a Thai restaurant, and then we celebrated the high school graduation the next day. Some aunts and an uncle and cousins came down from OKC. My parents went to my nephew's graduation and then made their way here for the rest of the weekend.  We ate well and laughed a lot and enjoyed each other's company.  They made their sister feel loved and congratulated and made their mom feel full of love and gratitude. 

Here is a huge photo dump in reverse order:
Produce from my tiny garden - a little more this year because I started earlier and it is not as hot yet as last year.

A visit to the Veterans park for Memorial Day and our anniversary and a game of pickleball at the courts there.

My mom and I at the Austin Nature Center

Nature center time with the grandparents.


Night swimming


Splash contests

The sisters

The brothers
The proud parents
The cheering squad!
The graduate
The party with cousins

Before the Baccalaureate Mass

Birthday hike at St. Edwards Park

Swimming in Bull Creek


My sister-in-law capturing some of the wildlife


Senior skirt day - the girls decorate their uniforms with their college colors - Furman University in Greenville, SC

A deer spotted on our Mother's Day trip to Blue Hole in Wimberly, TX

More swimming hole fun. Quintessential central Texas summer activity


Modelling the cap and gown

Sunday Mass with the whole clan

Oldest and youngest

Swim team season has begun!



Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
-Lemony Snicket