Another thought on marriage: Sometimes I wish my husband were more of a reader. He does find books a comfort: he opens one and falls right to sleep. He appreciates books and doesn’t begrudge me mine, although he has been known to take them away from me at night. But we don’t sit around and talk about our favorite characters or about how so and so is just like Beowulf.
On the other hand, I imagine he wishes I could stay on top of the laundry, not get distracted by the paper and the computer, plan ahead what we’re having for dinner, and appreciate more fully the jobs he does around the house: making frames and doll beds, replacing toilet flappers, upgrading the electrical system…. (ok that’s an exaggeration, but he did wire and plumb and build a bathroom addition at our last house.)
We don’t share all the same interests, nor are we exactly opposites, but we complement each other enough to keep life interesting, and to force ourselves to grow a little in ways we wouldn’t without the motivation of love.
There really isn’t any other way to change the world.
In the Shadow of the Past
2 months ago
5 comments:
So much that you say here is very familiar! My husband is worse than ever about falling asleep if we are reading something aloud together, so we don't even try anymore. But now when he goes to bed, he reads in bed as I do, if only for a few minutes. He didn't start this until he was well over 50.
Your thoughts remind me of this Chesterton quote that I just read this morning:
Of all human institutions marriage is the only one which most depends upon slow development, upon patience, upon long reaches of times, upon magnanimous compromise, upon kindly habit.
My husband is a reader and our tastes in books do overlap. Our first date was one long conversation over beer about all our favorite books. And yet I find that the visions I had of married life are not at all like the reality. Those long conversations about favorite characters happen very seldom. I'd thought I'd spend the first few years of our marriage having him read some of my favorite books. Hasn't happened. And now I'm realizing it probably never will. He reads much more slowly than I do and for some mysterious reason is very resistant to reading books I suggest. Though I have sometimes read books he's suggested and when I do it is fun to talk about them with him. For the most part though, he has his interests and I have mine. He's willing to listen to me chatter about what I'm reading and even talks about it with me-- to a point. But I am very glad to have online forums to continue bookish conversations long after the point where he'd have given up.
GretchenJoanna - I think I am going to post that quote over the bathroom mirror.
Melanie - So true about online forums! Mille gratias for your insights! I'd have missed a lot of great reads if there were no online recommendations. Sometimes I think I should be reading books instead of reading blogs, but so many blogs improve my appreciation of books - and make me read more widely.
Emily, I love your post, and also the GKC quoted by Gretchen Joanna above. M and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary, and in reflecting on those years, we are so grateful we hung in there, as our rough edges smoothed each other towards mutual sanctification!
I'm married to a voracious reader and I find that he would rather read that discuss what he's reading so...there you have one wife's experience.
Post a Comment