20 Years!

Last week we celebrated 20 years of wedded bliss and all the reality that goes with it.  Our marriage is out of its teens, but it still feels young! We used to do marriage prep classes when we lived in the Chicago archdiocese 15 years ago, and on the evaluations, we received positive comments because we were young. I thought I knew a lot about marriage back then. Now we're middle aged, and I feel kind of the same way about marriage that I do about parenting. I don't have the answers anymore, but all the work is worth it!  

Some fun exchanges about marriage in the New York Times recently: Alain de Botton's essay urging a more realistic view of marriage over false romanticism, and the letters in response.  De Botton explains the irony of his title in the last paragraphs:

"The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the “not overly wrong” person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition.

Romanticism has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners."

I love the comments of the last letter writer (a man who was married 47 years): "But binding your life together, creating a family and warmly remembering it all as one’s days become numbered is my definition of marrying the right person."

Cheers to 20 more years! Were we old enough to drink? 

To celebrate our anniversary, we went out for sushi. But we didn't stay out late because we had to go home to finish washing sheets and searching for nits in the kids' hair.  One of our dear children greeted me with a "Look what I found!" when I came in from doing something outside. One his finger was a nice, fat, louse. Thank the Lord, I did not find anything on the 8 other heads in our family (although I'm suspicious that my husband didn't check me thoroughly). But we still all washed with lice shampoo and used the comb-out gel. And I stripped all the beds, bagged on the stuffed animals, put all the pillows in the dryer on high heat, and had a great time combing each others' heads.  Lice is apparently almost at epidemic proportions out here in Southern California. People aren't the only things that love living here.

Here we are having fun on our anniversary! Just finished 9 lice treatments!
Thought we needed a photo to remember the day. 

Still loving life!

Lots to celebrate over the past few weeks: Memorial Day events, awards ceremonies, end of the school year parties. We have an eighth grade promotion and a high school graduation at the end of the week.  The calendar has been packed.

Awards ceremonies

Remembering the fallen 

Concert in the park 

More awards ceremonies -- an a haircut!

At another awards ceremony

Heading back to school after an end of the year picnic at the park.

Soccer is over, yay!

Exploring the botanic gardens with cousins.

The 18 yr old got a record player. Garage sale finds.