Notes on a Commencement

Despite the busyness of the spring season, I love the month of May -- partly because of Mother's Day, which is a good excuse to celebrate motherhood and babies, and partly because my birthday is today (I am sitting at Starbucks with my free birthday bonus venti double latte), and partly because all of the programs end, and partly because the flowers are so, so beautiful, and partly because the weather is so, so nice, and partly because there is something to celebrate every weekend.

This past weekend we celebrated our oldest son's first graduation from college. He finished his mechanical engineering degree and was able to walk in the graduation ceremony with his classmates, even though he will be returning to campus in the fall to finish a second bachelor's degree in theology.  It was a beautiful spring weekend in the Midwest that did my heart good, even though it left me longing to stay. Our youngest came with us - she is a great little traveler and she wanted to stay at the rental house longer - her only tears of the weekend fell when it was time to leave.  I felt a little the same, although I was a bit worried about the kids we left home with the 21 year old - he was probably the one we had to worry about the most.  (The neighbors confirmed that there were no wild parties, there were no beer bottles in the recycling, and the house was clean and everyone was alive when we returned home.)

This graduation was a time of mixed emotions - As always, I was happy to be on campus. I loved going to this school almost 25 years ago, I still love going to school, and this campus holds special memories. And our oldest was in good spirits, happy to introduce us to his friends and professors, so the time with him was precious. He is staying in Indiana to work an internship this summer, and next summer he will probably be going to a full time career job. He may never live at home again, a bittersweet realization.  My parents came, and sharing these events with them was wonderful, as were the evening conversations and the midday breaks for coffee. The flowers around campus were in full bloom, so the air was sweet with the fragrance of lilacs and lily-of-the-valley. But the skies were grey and misty most of Saturday and Sunday morning.  In fact, the graduation was moved into the basketball arena from the football field, an unpopular but necessary decision.

Highlights of the weekend: Saturday morning breakfast at our rental house with our son, his girlfriend, and her parents. Because we didn't decide to go to this event until after our trip to Italy, we didn't have many choices of places to stay. Hotels in town were booked or out of our price range, so I found a house on VRBO about 40 mins from campus on a little lake. I didn't think it was going to be so far away but the price was excellent, and it had plenty of room for us, my parents, and two kids. In fact, I think it slept 11. It smelled a little musty and looked like it had last been updated in 1985, but the kitchen was well stocked and the space and view of the lake made staying at a home much more comfortable than staying at a hotel.  And we could make breakfast for friends! The only catch was that our phones kept changing the time - they couldn't decide if we were on Chicago or Indiana time, so every morning we either woke up late or early. (Fortunately, we woke up early the morning we had to drive back to Chicago to catch our flight.) We should have brought an analog alarm clock instead of relying on phone alarms.

Other highlights: Walking around campus with the boys and my parents. We had most of Saturday to help the boys move out of their dorms - our third son had stayed on campus for the week, also. My husband wasn't as happy to drive the boys' junk to their friend's house to store for the summer, but the rest of us got coffee and then walked dreamily around the lakes enjoying the flowers and stopping to pray at the Grotto. The baccalaureate Mass that evening was beautiful. Notre Dame does liturgies well, even liturgies in basketball arenas.  Afterwards, we went to a dinner that some of our son's friends had put together at a parish hall, so all their families could meet and eat in a relaxed atmosphere.  The girls who planned it both came from big families and were thoughtful about planning a nice but not expensive dinner for their families. It was catered by the local Indian restaurant, so the food was delicious. We stayed several hours, but left as the college kids were hitting the dance floor - it was almost like wedding reception.

Because the graduation ceremony was moved inside Sunday morning, not as many guests could come, so we left my mom, middle son, and youngest daughter at home, while my husband, dad and I went to the graduation. Peggy Noonan was the commencement speaker, so we thought my dad would enjoy the ceremony the most. However, I have to say, I thought the valedictorian's speech was surprisingly good, and Noonan's was a little disappointing. Expectations have a lot to do with that assessment. I didn't expect the valedictorian's to be as good as it was - even though she had an impressive introduction of social work and academic achievement.  She actually talked quite a bit about living a life of faith and saying yes to service like Mary. Noonan's speech was quite funny at the beginning, but she spent most of her speech talking about how the conservative movement has lost its vision and what is needed to correct it. She never quite redirected her commentary to the graduates in particular.  After the initial jokes with a local connection and remarks about Reagan's commencement speech at Notre Dame in the 80's (which she may have written, although she didn't claim it), she spoke about the necessity for the conservative movement to regain its principles - it sounded more like a column for the WSJ than a commencement address.

Nonetheless, we left encouraged by the accomplishments and optimism of these young people. Following the university-wide commencement ceremony, each college had a diploma ceremony, where the graduates crossed the stage and awards were presented.  Looking around at the smiling faces and meeting some really wonderful young adults and the families gave me a real boost of hopefulness. We had time for another walk across campus and coffee break before heading to one of our son's friend's homes for a post- graduation dinner.  This is a home schooling family of 9 kids, of which 3 have graduated from Notre Dame and one other is attending and another is heading there in the fall. The parents are both grads, and the father works at the university as a research engineer, so that explains some of the trend, but they all seemed to be bright, outgoing young people with lots of talent - musicians and artists and entrepreneurs.  They would be intimidating if they weren't such welcoming hosts.

Although we could have enjoyed sitting around talking longer, we did have to leave before dawn to catch our flight.  It was hard to say goodbye - even the youngest didn't want to leave because the other younger siblings at the party were such good playmates to her, even though they were mostly 10 and 12 year olds. And she was confused and sad that her older brother wasn't coming with us. 

As a consolation, because we woke up an extra hour early the next morning we were able to have a leisurely breakfast with my parents before hitting the road, and we didn't stress about traffic.

Although our son has not officially finished school, he is planning to be mostly financially independent next year. He is renting a room from a friend who will be working on campus in the investment office - and has invested in real estate. He bought his own car, got his own car insurance, and has a decent job for the summer.  In many ways, our responsibility for him as parents is growing smaller and smaller.  That hasn't quite sunk in yet. I want to keep being his parent, but I'm also excited for him and a little nervous.  How will he handle the difficult moments yet to come? Have we given him the right advice and resources? Will he continue to have faith in God and others?  What moral and spiritual inheritance have we given him?  I don't feel too sentimental because I know we have many memories to make still ahead, but why didn't I believe those old ladies at the grocery stores who told me how fast the time would pass?

Some images of the weekend in no order:

Outside her big brother's dorm

Outside the basilica

I had to put on comfy shoes.

Receiving his diploma

With the grandparents

No announcements yet.

Peggy Noonan addresses the graduates.

Found our graduate in the crowd!

Spring at the Grotto

The sun came out to warm the lilacs before we left.

Enjoying the party