But the rest of the day, I have been tangling with the question of what to do for school for the youngest child next year. She is of the age to go to kindergarten, and at one point, I really thought I would stick with conventional school for her. But now that the time has come to register for next year, I am torn about sending her. The unconventional part of me thinks I should home school her. So do my older kids. Their opinion is meaningful to me since they have been schooled in a variety of schools. I'm touched they value their home school experience - except the youngest two who are the most social and are not as quick to admit they were home schooled. Their experience was briefer and just different from the older ones.
My quandary is that I don't want to quit my little teaching job, and I'm not quite sure how I can manage teaching college and teaching kindergarten at home. I almost feel like it will be harder to home school one child than several, because I am her only entertainment. I have a friend who has offered to help out, but I really need something consistent. I put out an advertisement for a babysitter/tutor on the local home school group newsletter, but heard nothing. I also have looked into a few charter schools that cater to home schoolers, but the timing is not quite right for me. Their kindergarten classes are either on the wrong day, or the wrong time, or just not quite long enough for me to get from my school to their location, and none are willing to allow her into the first grade group.
One part of me thinks I am being selfish for wanting to keep my job and put her into traditional kindergarten. Perhaps I should quit my job and stay home with her. My other local options are not as attractive. Our parish school apparently has a good kindergarten teacher, but she is having a baby in the spring, and the class last year had 30 kids (the class does have an aide). Many people love the local public school kindergarten, but it, too, has large classes, and the new state curriculum is not impressive. I would love to postpone the peer pressure of public school as long as possible, as well as continue the more literature rich education we've been doing at home. And I like home schooling people.
The other part of me thinks that I could use the time she would spend at school to get more house and school work done, so that I am more available to the other kids after school. The youngest is very social and may be lonely at home. I tend to start projects like home schooling with ambitious plans and finish them with less enthusiasm. She might learn more at school. The parish school does have wonderful feast day celebrations for All Saints Day, Our Lady of Guadalupe, Holy Week, and May Crowning. The other kids have done well in school, like school, and do not want to return to home schooling, even as they recommend it for elementary school. I have friends whose kids are in the parish school, too.
I'm probably overthinking the options. Is it a question of doing either what is best for her or easiest for me, or am I not framing the question in the right way? That question is one fraught with guilt. I tell myself that I could start one and change course if it isn't working. But nothing quite seems like the perfect solution. I keep praying I will find either someone willing to watch her for 3 hours twice a week while I go to school or a charter school where she could go a couple days a week. Other moms from the parish school say that they pull their kids out of school all the time. Maybe I could sign her up for the parish school and then keep her home a day or two a week to do field trips and art and reading. Maybe, maybe. The perpetual war between heart and mind continues.
2 comments:
"...nothing quite seems like the perfect solution." Because nothing IS perfect, darn it. Whatever you do will be good enough in the end, though of course I understand wanting it to be the best option. How can we with our finite minds know??
When do you have to decide? Maybe you could assign yourself one hour or less per day to think about it, and do something more relaxing and fun the rest of the day, while you wait on God to give you an obvious push in one direction. He might tell you to put the options in a hat and draw one! Decision fatigue is real; I hope you find comfort soon.
I am hoping something like God's hand will appear to point the way! In fact, I began this blog post to try to clarify my thoughts, but it didn't really help. Maybe I'll make a chart and each day tally how I'm leaning and see what it adds up to in August!
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