New school year

       I had a goal at the beginning of the year to try to post weekly again, but poor August received one measly post. This is because I began my new job as a middle school teacher three weeks ago.

Here is a paragraph I started to write back at the end of July when my new job was three weeks in the future (I edited that second sentence):  "I'm still questioning my sanity at saying yes. I have a hard time telling people that this is what I'm doing, and when I look in the mirror, I think how did I get here.  It's a baffling to me. I always said middle school was the grade I'd like to teach least. Where was my mind when I said yes?"

Dare I admit I actually am having fun? I laughed out loud when I was reading some of the kids' letters to themselves. I cried inside when I read others. I already like these kids.

And I like the other 7th and 8th grade teachers. They are kind, thoughtful people who care about these students, also. I enjoy seeing them each day. I want to talk in the hallway and during dismissal, too! Of the 7 7th and 8th grade teachers, five of us are new. One of the veterans is a Dominican sister who is loving and gentle and thoughtful.  Her presence is immediately calming.  She is beloved but a little feared by the kids, even though she rarely raises her voice. She doesn't put up with nonsense.

What I don't like is all of the bureaucracy. On Friday we were handed a few more duties. We already have meetings clogging up prep time and home room time. And I just spent almost 8 hours grading today, and I'm STILL not done. Granted, I'm slow and writing each kid a personal note because this is their first writing assignment, but still. This may be part of the reason 5 of the 7 teachers left last year. They were overworked and underpaid. 

The other thing I miss is the freedom to travel on Fridays. I do get 10 paid days off, but I feel I need to plan them. We had an invitation to go away next weekend, but I feel tied down by prep, grading, and not wanting to use a PTO day. 

So the verdict is still out whether this will be a career or something I did to help out. Sometimes I think of it as a mini-purgatory I can offer up for my lack of gratitude for the jobs I had at the community college and the other college and subbing at the high school, as well as the lack of judgement we showed in purchasing this large, overpriced house whose value keeps falling in a place that hasn't seen temps under 101 for WEEKS. IT IS HOT HERE.  I mourn the passing of a plant each day. The grass is crispy. At least the last few days the heat index is down, and the mornings are cooler. Welcome, September!

Happily, I look forward to "going to work" each morning still. My fourth grader loves, loves, loves that we are at school together. She tells me almost daily. I worry I'm not keeping up with the senior enough, but she is always socializing or studying herself. I am prepared for February will be hard. But I'll let that arrive when it does. In the meantime, I've got some paragraphs to read about "something that symbolizes me."