New Year, New Beginnings

Perhaps my New Year's resolution should be to post more often - or to just give up this blog. Blogs are out of style, our life has changed, etc. But I do like coming back to this place and reading about what I thought - something I never do with diaries.  I also like that in an era when everything is constantly changing, this little corner of the internet remains the same. I probably should not say that too loud or Blogger may disappear, but here we are.  One of my new year's resolutions is to try to update at least what I'm reading once a month. 

I really didn't mean to let almost three months slip past before posting again.  My lack of posting isn't really due to being busy; I've been busy, but not any busier than I ever was.  Rather, we've had a lot of things simmering that took up time and thought. 

First, the biggest blessing of the year: Our first granddaughter was born! She has been long hoped for, so we are especially grateful for her sweet perfection. She is a real doll baby - weighing in a 9 pounds and 14 ounces at birth a just before Christmas, she is perfectly formed and has beautiful color, a full head of dark Italian hair, soft round cheeks, and the sweetest little rosebud mouth. We are in love! The whole family is thrilled to have a baby in the family again. Everyone was eager to hold her, and she was content to be passed around. Our son and his wife haven't stopped beaming. 

The other big news is that we will be moving again next summer. This wasn't entirely planned.  Just when we were feeling settled at home in Texas, the time has come to pull the roots up again. My husband has just been hired into his dream job. It seems almost too good, too smooth, to be true. Doors opened in a way that suggests Providence at work, except that he has worked hard and well for this opportunity. I am really proud of what he has accomplished here in a short amount of time. The notes from the people that work for him attest to his leadership.  He worked extremely hard to improve the working conditions for a lot of people. My daughter's friend, who is interning in the office, said people cried when he announced he was leaving. He cried. He is going to his dream job, but he is leaving behind a place that almost ate him alive, but now he has them eating breakfast tacos and donuts and birthday cakes... He prioritized the people who work for him - as well the faculty and students he serves- and they appreciated that.  

It is hard to leave a place where you have had such a positive impact, but I know he will continue to be just as dedicated to building morale at this new job. 

The best part of the new job is that we'll just be a couple hours from our new grandbaby and our son and daughter-in-law. We'll be 31/2 hours from my parents and siblings. We'll be 90 minutes from a major city and airports to which our coastal kids can travel easily - and close to a small local airport if needed.

The sad part is we'll be farther from my in-laws, my husband's siblings, and my brother.  We'll have to leave the wonderful community we've found here. We'll have to sell, probably at a loss, this party house that I've had a love/hate relationship with, but I've come to appreciate.  As much as I find the pool a labor and money drain, it has been luxurious to have one in the hot summers. It took me several years to learn to live larger, and now we'll likely return to simpler accommodations. No doubt, I'll miss the comforts like plenty of room in the kitchen and living spaces and a big pantry. We'll miss the great sunsets, the space for games and hanging out together, the mild winters, the view of the forest preserve, and the wonderful neighbors who are happy to help with the dog and the trash when we are gone or to join us for a happy hour or driveway party when we are home. It's a sociable place.

We'll also both miss our jobs here, even though we both experienced challenges our first year or so. I wouldn't claim to be an expert, but I've learned a lot about teaching in general and about middle schoolers and about myself. It turns out I enjoy middle schoolers. They make me laugh. 

Why is saying goodbye so hard? Readers may find it surprising that I feel so sad about leaving when I was not exactly a fan of Texas initially. There are still some things I find off putting about this place, but it has a distinct ethos. Texas knows and loves itself.  The terrain is often stark, but also startling, especially in this hill country area, and when the wildflowers are blooming.  The people are brash but loving.  We have again made wonderful friends, some of whom I haven't told yet because it is so hard to say goodbye, and the move isn't imminent.  My husband will start soon, but our 10 year old and I will finish up the school year before packing up after our second son's wedding at the end of May. 

The irony is that we are moving to a state I couldn't wait to leave when I was a teenager. I'm sure we'll find our spot and our people and settle into a rhythm and routine in this place, but I'm dreading the work of moving and starting over again, if I am honest with myself, even though I'm thrilled for my husband. I'm sad for my daughter and her best friend three doors down. I'm sad for my kids who went to high school here and made good friends. They won't know people when they come home for breaks. I'm sad for my in-laws, whom we've seen more of in the last couple of years than we did in the previous decade.  I'm sad for my older kids who like to visit us here, where we have plenty of space and there are lots of fun things to do and see out and about. We aren't exactly going to a cultural mecca for our next stop. 

This move will likely be for a longer duration, even though I dream of settling in a cute little town, maybe coastal, maybe in New England, maybe in the mountains. I don't know where I hope we retire, but I hope it is someplace with beautiful views and cultural opportunities and good trails nearby - sounds a lot like California or South Carolina or Maine - or our back yard here. I hope I am able to conquer my inability to stay, to attach, to feel at home, to at last find the place where I can finally feel that way. Maybe it will be an airstream trailer we knock about in to go and visit our kids and grandkids wherever they land. 

Now to go back to pretending we are staying here for a few more months. I'm hoping to wait until after spring break to talk about it with our friends and neighbors here.  I want to soak up our days here as fully as possible before they fade into memory.