Now to catch up on our move and relocation. I started this post back in July, shortly after we relocated to South Bend and were living in a condo for six weeks until we could move into our new home - I'll leave it mostly unedited to remember what I was feeling as we prepared to uproot our lives again after the wonderful trip to Europe. So, from July:
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The past 2 weeks I have felt like a sloth, moving sooo slowly, sitting in one spot much too long. But the two months prior, really 3 - April to June - zoomed by. I was like a mouse or a chipmunk, a speedy rodent racing to survive: scurry, pause, scurry, scurry, pause, scurry, sleep briefly with ears on alert...
So now it's time to reflect: the school year was a success. I received many sweet notes from my 7th and 8th grade students, notes that I have stashed in an envelope somewhere to read again at some point when I am feeling down. By sleeping an average of 5 hours or less for a couple months, I was able to keep up with the nature writing course online that I thought might have been a mistake to say yes to, but I had the best students yet - they were engaged, insightful, and punctual; they turned things in on time. I suspect at least a few, if not many, may have used AI to augment their assignments. I questioned a couple students who referenced works we did not read in class, works that aren't on the reading lists of anyone but specialists. Unlike regular plagiarism, the use of generative technology is difficult to prove, so I asked for references and got a rewrite. The bonus, if there is one, is that the longer, more complex discussion posts that may have been AI assisted or generated motivated the students who weren't using AI to write more.
And then I was able to get everything packed, first for our Europe trip and then for the move. We'll see how much is broken. I paid someone to help me pack the kitchen. Unfortunately, I wasn't happy with his performance. The guy's mother-in-law had been recommended by a realtor friend, but she was unavailable and recommended her son-in-law who used to work for a moving company. He seemed to do good work the first day, fine work the second day, but the third day, he didn't bring extra supplies, he was on his phone every time I walked by, and he smelled like pot. I had to repack half the boxes he packed because they wouldn't shut and the pictures inside weren't properly wrapped. Then I found multiple kitchen drawers that he didn't pack, so I was crushed. Lesson learned: Monitor the work, inspect the work and be honest about work that is not up to par. I didn't inspect his work the last day before I paid him, but I ended up texting him the next morning and letting him know I was dissatisfied. Happily, he was a honest and perhaps repentant soul, so he offered to refund the money for the last hour, since I had to repack.
Thankfully, I had wonderful neighbors and friends who came to the rescue. I can't believe how helpful they were. They pitched in and wrapped things, took things to the donation center, brought over snacks and drinks, took away some of my condiments and undonatable food I couldn't stand to throw away, although they might have trashed it all, and our dear, handy, neighbor even helped me reconstruct a crate for our marble topped side tables. Our wonderful neighbors two doors down offered us their home to stay the night before we left since they were off on their summer vacation. Everyone was just so generous. As I write this, I am feeling overcome with gratitude and loneliness. In my exhaustion and manic work mode, I know I didn't thank them properly.
The move was challenging - I didn't give myself time to sort and pack properly. I cleaned thoroughly as I emptied each room, even renting a steam cleaner for the carpets and touching up paint throughout the house - using small bottles of acrylic craft paint. But I still left the new owners some cash for cleaning the windows and a first clean because I didn't quite leave it as clean as I meant to. In retrospect, I think I probably did a pretty good job scrubbing out 4 years of dust from under beds, etc. Other than not cleaning the windows, I did get most of the work done that I meant to do, including some yard work and getting a drainpipe cleaned out in the back patio. It was full of mud and roots. I hired a company to come and snake it out, but the guys' power snack broke. He got it mostly reamed out, but it still wasn't clear, so I worked at it with a trowel and pike and eventually got it cleaner, to the detriment of my knuckles and nails, which were scraped and knicked from reaching into the front end and the back end of this drainline. This was purposeful work, but it was also a distraction from the more pressing job of packing up the house.
Another thing that set back packing was the visit from college daughter's boyfriend in the middle of all this. It was her 19th birthday week, and she promised to really dig in and help, and she did, if he could come to Austin for a few days before we left the city of fun. Although at the time it was stressing me out a little bit to be unable to pack up the kitchen, the visit did provide a moment to look around one more time - we went to the low water crossing with the paddle boards and spent a few hours doing the very quintessential Texas summer thing - a river float. Well, actually a river paddle... but... I can think of several other things I wanted to do before we left - more hikes! more concerts! wineries in Fredericksburg! the Schlitterbahn! Maybe someday we'll come back as tourists and do these things again. The fun had to come to an end at some point because there was so much to pack. Sometimes you don't realize how much you have until you start pulling it out. Mountains of stuff had to get packed even after downsizing 4 years ago when we moved from California.
Oh, and we attended our godson/nephew's wedding in Houston! How could I forget! It was a joyful affair and a wonderful opportunity to spend time with extended family in the Southwest before moving on. And there were a couple swim meets, a couple dinners and luncheons with friends, and a going away party to attend.
Although it took some near all-nighters, it all got done because it had to. The new owners had to be out of their place and started moving in while we were still cleaning out stuff. I sent multiple loads of junk to Goodwill with the very helpful college daughter, but not enough. I mourn a bag of ND t-shirts that I was saving for my sister-in-law's kids because they love the Irish, but in a moment of rashness I sent that along to the thriftstore, and of all the silly things to be sad about, I keep fearing that a little tee that was my husband's was in the bottom of the bag. I meant to go through it. I also gave a neighbor a booster chair that would've been perfect for our granddaughter, even though the other neighbor's husband lovingly restored it. I felt awful about that. He did such a nice job, but my dear neighbor who always watched our dog really wanted it for her granddaughter. Quandary! I hope the gift was not seen as a rejection. Meanwhile, I brought along all these bags of odds and ends but left behind things we might have really used. Ah well. It's all just stuff, I keep reminding myself. I meant to go through old boxes of mementoes and whatnot - that will have to be done on the other side. Or will be done by my children when I die - I really should do that Swedish Death Cleaning practice so they don't have to deal with it all.
And yet here we are. With the two youngest girls and the dog, we shipped it all off and drove safely north by the grace of God. Packed it all up, sent it with the movers who loaded it on a truck and took it to storage, drove to OKC for a last visit with the grandparents and then to Tulsa for a visit with the cousins, who just moved into a huge new house with a giant yard. Made me reconsider for a minute what we were doing buying an old house in an historic district with a small yard. Envy is my great weakness. I also am sorry to be leaving the in-laws. Although the drive to their home was 5-6 hours, depending on Dallas traffic, we were able to see them every couple of months or so. It was psychologically comforting to be closer, especially after my father-in-law's frightening battle with bladder cancer followed by an infection this spring. We were able to come up and see him immediately, without having to schedule a flight, although my husband did fly from South Bend a couple of times.
From there, it was on to my parents' farm for a couple days because my dear husband was on a work trip in Oregon that at one point I was going to attend. Sigh. I keep wanting to visit that part of the Pacific Northwest. Again, fighting envy is nearly a full time job for me. Although the days under the care of my mother were a respite. Despite being over 50, I still sometimes just want to be with my mom. I slept in longer than I had slept in a least a year.
Even so, I am still so weary. For the past couple weeks, I've been lounging around this condo, walking the dog, shopping for couches and rugs, scrolling Facebook marketplace, looking at paint and tiles for a bathroom renovation, trying to stay upbeat for the daughters who are missing their friends when I'm already lonesome for the life we left, even though I never really put deep roots down. It's surprising how even a place that you didn't choose, a place you resist, can claim your heart after time. I didn't want a big suburban house with a pool, but how we loved that pool in the end! Floating in the lukewarm water in the evening after a 100 degree day, looking up at the dimming sky and the brightening stars and the swooping bats, is a pleasure I don't want to forget. The brilliantly colored hues, flaming reds and purplish blues, of the wildflowers scattered through the green belt behind us, followed by the big sunny blooms of the cacti, the shaded walk along the creek to the old stone house that consoled a lonesome heart many days, my thriving rosemary and lavender shrubs, the twisting limbs of the live oaks, the warmth of the walking stones on bare feet - but most of all, the generous friendship of people at school, in our neighborhood, at church, our Navy friends: all of it was a grace I did not appreciate enough. And now the ache of the loss and the uncertainty about the future weigh on me, adding to the exhaustion.
And yet, I am glad to be where we are. There is the relief of getting through all of those hard weeks - the adrenalin rush has ceased. And there is the consolation of seeing God's hand at work. So many things fell into place - getting the job, selling the house, finding a new one, being welcomed by the community here, even getting another teaching job, this time back to part time for the present while we get settled - that it is hard not to feel Providence at work. I am grateful deep down, even though it is hard to find the energy to show it.
.. and hello, new house!
2 comments:
Wow... Emily! You are an amazing woman and a vivid writer. I was right there with you.
And I teared up at this part,
"...the days under the care of my mother were a respite. Despite being over 50, I still sometimes just want to be with my mom."
What a blessing.
Thanks, Margaret! I'm grateful to hear from you! Hope you and your family are well!
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