Suffering and mindfulness

The other day my middle son asked for help with a paper. He was comparing Frankenstein with designer babies and was struggling to put into words how the will of Victor Frankenstein to create life was similar to the will of the scientists who are experimenting with the genetic code to eliminate birth defects and to choose the sex and attributes of newly conceived babies.

It's been a long time since I read Frankenstein, but I thought I remembered that Dr. Frankenstein was motivated by the desire to create a superhuman.  His will to power is punished in an obvious way - the monster rebels. Is the fictional Frankenstein perhaps more concerned with creating life rather than perfecting it?

Meanwhile, perfecting life seems to be the impetus behind the engineering of genes.  The desire to eliminate birth defects from the genome is rooted in an admirable desire to prevent suffering. But will the ability to program genes result in the loss of something more?

There probably won't be obvious disastrous consequences like a murderous monster roaming the countryside.  But could there be more subtle results?  Sometimes it seems like the desire to eliminate suffering has already resulted in more suffering, because people who seem to have everything they need can't seem to be content. The smallest disappointment becomes tragic. And contentment itself could be dangerous - or at least deceptive, when it becomes a gauge to compare lives on social media.

The topic gave me the opportunity to praise suffering to my son. Don't be afraid of a little pain!  Be glad we put you into difficult situations like moving and changing schools and driving across country in a car with 9 family members!  It gives you a chance to build resiliency and grit and to learn that life is full of peaks and valleys! No peaks without the valleys! No spring without the winter! No brightness without the dark!  No joy without pain!

This quote from C. S. Lewis that I came across not too long ago sums up what I am trying to say:C. S. Lewis writes in The Problem of Pain, “Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free-wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself.”

Last month we heard about the suicides of two teens in our circle of acquaintance. One of the kids had been diagnosed with depression and was on medication. I keep hearing about the difficulty of medicating teen depression because the drugs react differently with teen hormones. I also heard about two adult suicides in our neighborhood.  And last night there was more "police activity" on a local bridge, as the traffic alert text message I received told me.  I have learned that when there is an accident or construction, the text message relays that. "Police activity" I suspect is code for a suicide intervention.

So it was timely that the kids' school offered a recent training in suicide prevention. Basically, the main message was to engage with a person who is experiencing suicidal thoughts. Be direct in asking if the person is feeling suicidal, be willing to listen and to persuade the person that he or she is loved, and then refer for help -  QPR was the acronym, playing on CPR. Question, Persuade, Refer. More information here.

It is unfortunate that more and more often, suicide is chosen as a way to escape suffering.  Perhaps because our society is so afraid of suffering, so unwilling to admit that it is inevitable and can even be a good thing?  Could the idea of mindfulness sometimes lead people who aren't naturally cheerful to think that contentment is the natural state of being, when often it is not sustainable?  So many factors could contribute to compounding the amount of misery a depressed person might feel - social media, the cult of health and happiness and hedonism leading to self doubt and self loathing, isolation, broken families, loss of faith, loss of hope.

Life isn't always pretty and fun. And does it ever turn out the way you imagined? Faith, hope, and love help us continue to see life as worth living, even with or because of the pain.

So maybe the kids need to learn more about grit and resilience, the newer watch words, than mindfulness, and the idea that if we just pay attention more closely, we'll be happy.  Beata.  Blessed. A state of being that happens only after death.