... or if you live in the southern climes, it brings the glow of the sunset. Sunsets tend to be more stunning this time of year, perhaps something to do with the contrast between ocean and air temperatures?
We hadn't been to the beach for a sunset admiration party/photo op for months before last night - and that trip was short but sweet. The kids were just getting ready to settle in for watching a movie since we ate our traditional New Year's Day white meal early because one kid had to work (pork roast, mashed potatoes, knepp, and a vegetable, this year beet greens from our garden box) when I noticed the sky was lighting up, I engaged the assistance of my spouse and rousted them from their couches with much groaning. But once the initial inertia was overcome, they did get into the car pretty quickly - no need for coats or shoes - and with the luck of the Irish on our side, we found a parking spot right in front of the beach, so we made it time to watch the show in the sky as it went from beautiful to breathtaking. And when the sun finally dipped beneath the horizon and the last rays faded into darkness, everyone was in good spirits. On returning home, the big kids watched their movie (The Irishman, a violent mob movie), while I fell asleep putting LK to bed. I woke only to move from the floor to my bed, where I slept the deepest and longest sleep I've had for weeks. It was glorious.
(A physiology side note: I have noticed a spike in insomnia/anxiety related to my cycle that I think is probably attributable to middle-aged hormone shifts. The opposite trend happens during my much shorter phase 2, which makes me wonder if someone could capture the hormone combo that makes up phase 2 and market it. I'm so much nicer those few days. Which also makes me wonder about how often kids enter adolescence when their mothers enter perimenopause - not the best combination, but probably part of the reason dramatic fiction exists about the conflict between children and mothers.)
And now for the traditional New Year's resolution post - what to look forward to in 2020? When we were talking at dinner about our one best memory of 2019 - even one best thing per month - it was hard to decide. We did a lot of traveling and hosting this year, which must be why even though we have fewer kids at home, we feel just as busy. I'm hoping 2020 has a slower pace, time to savor the good things. One of my resolutions is to make photo books - or at least print photos and put them in albums, so we can enjoy them. Part of the fun of travel and adventure is enjoying the memories, and we haven't had time to do that as much. Poor LK loves to look at old photos, but we have so few printed of her life (although she has been photographed more than any of our other children.).
So action item for 2020 - print photos.
Admittedly, however, we are already planning a few trips: one in February for Junior parents' weekend in South Bend, although in this case it is to attend "Expo Roma" for our fourth-year architecture son. And we are going to visit Pepperdine and Westmont College in late January and February with our senior daughter as she makes college decisions. Pepperdine has the advantage of being nationally known, but Westmont has been generous with aid and invitations to an honors program - there is something to be said for being courted.
After those trips, though, life should be quieter at home because my husband will travel for work.
So what else? One of the themes that kept coming up during Advent this year was relinquishing control and giving up criticism (which often results during moments when things are out of control). Our priest said in a homily about joy in Advent that the opposite of joy is control. That cut close. The reflection the sister gave at the retreat I attended spoke about embracing our life as it is, not as we wish it would be - the temptation of wishing things were otherwise. And then in the homily on the Feast of the Holy Family, the priest at the church we were visiting preached about being as kind to our family as we are to strangers, in other words, loving our family for who they are so that we don't discourage each other, as the letter from Paul instructs. For book club I've been reading Colleen Carroll Campbell's The Heart of Perfection, which contains another message about control. The message seems pretty clear - control less, love more.
That WSJ article I mentioned in the last post had a good counter-action: Since these researchers found that it takes four good interactions to counteract one negative event, I think I need to hearken back to the advice of those relationship experts who recommend paying out more compliments than criticisms, an action that is not native to me. I'm not much good at the "words of affirmation" love language, but I hereby resolve to engage in more positive reinforcement than negative words.
Part of this resolution means I need to silence my own inner self-critic more fervently, since often my frustration with others stems from a frustration with myself. But I think a more positive action to take would be to refocus again on gratitude, on noting the positives of each day, so revisiting the daily habit of writing down good things that happen each day, even if only in note form, is an action that may help to silence the critic inside.
A quick review of last year's resolutions reminds me that I made the commitment to continue writing down what I'm grateful for each day last year, but that practice dropped off at some point. Time to resurrection it.
So my spiritual goal is to note the beauty and goodness around me and let my family know more often that I see those qualities in them.
That's also kind of a family resolution - last year my resolution was to make memories with the fam, a goal we met, I'd say. So this year my goal is to document and relive those - as mentioned above.
Another family goal - attend some plays or concerts. I meant to get tickets to a Nutcracker performance or some other holiday show, but that didn't happen this year. Although at one point in time, when we were homeschooling in Virginia, I was pretty good about taking the kids to performances for kids - plays, the symphony, reenactments, exhibits - we haven't done much in the way of supporting the arts lately, so add that to the list.
We also have dropped off in regularly gathering for family prayers, so that's another practice I'd like to resurrect. With the teens doing homework at night when the youngest is ready for bed, it is hard to gather everyone for a rosary as we used to do. Perhaps we can find a new form or time for gathering, or be content with just a Sunday night rosary?
Last year my academic/intellectual goal was to research colleges and kindergartens - this year I will have to decide again about school or home school for the youngest, and finish the college decision, which is now an a or b choice. I also need to decide whether I am going to invest more in developing as a teacher. Writing that academic paper was a challenge for me this fall, partly because I need more practice. So I hereby resolve to write at least one more paper and to revise my composition syllabus with new readings to reinvigorate that class. But along with developing those practices, I also need to balance the time I give to teaching with parenting time -- and sleep, which helps me with both of those -- so I need to learn to write faster, and that good enough is good enough - no need to be perfect, a desire for which prevents any writing from getting done.
Finally, a fitness goal is easy this year to articulate, if not to achieve- get more sleep. I've been making do with an average of about six hours. Too many five hour nights result in an irritable mom. This means I have to be more disciplined about reading late at night. I didn't do so well with adding strength training in, which was part of last year's goal, as well as the yearly drink more water, eat less sugar, get more sleep... ditto, every year. . . .
So to review: 1. Family goal: Print photos and attend a performance or two, 2, Spiritual goals: give compliments, note blessings, gather for prayers at least once a week, 3. Academic: Reorganize syllabus and write another paper 4. Fitness; get more sleep - aiming for a 7 hour average (and eat less sugar/drink more water, add in strength training).
Now time to start the day and the year!
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