Monday, March 25, 2013

Spelunking




Look out below!






We had the opportunity this weekend to check out Talofofo Caves, a series of five caves of varying sizes. This is one of the more popular boonie stomps. It does not require trekking through sword grass under the hot sun.  The path from the road is fairly short and the entrance to the largest cave is easy to find right off the trail.  This cave opens to a drop-off of about 90 feet. A group of young spelunkers had a system of ropes set up and were rappelling down into the depths of the pit. When we peered in, they could hear our voices echoing, and they immediately began chanting, "Don't touch the ropes! Don't touch the ropes!"  We moved on to the next cave, although my oldest son really wanted to try the rope descent.  We had inconveniently failed to pack gloves, carabiners, and crash helmets.

The second cave had a large opening that shrank to a small passageway. On hands and knees we followed a slight breeze to a slit in the rock where you could crawl out onto an overlook.  Had it been a bit clearer and our eyes more eaglelike, maybe we could have seen all the way to the Philippines.

The best cave was the third.  It looked like just a small opening in the rock, but once you shimmied through the mouth, it opened up into a large room with lots of stalactites and a large column. We followed the intrepid 8 year old along a passageway that led to a rope-assisted climb and then down a slope where, in a tiny puddle of cave water, we found a land crab.  He fiercely defended his hole until we finally let him alone.

For a moment we turned out our flashlights and sat in a darkness too deep to discern even the faintest shadows. Our eyes never did adjust, although we waited quietly in darkness as long as the six year old would let us.

The four and fifth caves were shallower. We read that one was supposed to have a turtle pictoglyph, but we couldn't discern it.  One of the pleasures of this area is that you can still explore without being contained along a roped-off passage, as you are at some of the caves we've visited in America, but apparently time and freedom to touch have caused the drawing to erode away.  Or maybe we just didn't know where to look.


Interesting roots.
My pictures aren't very good because I took our little camera which has a focusing problem. Or maybe it's my skills that are lacking. But I don't think even the big camera could capture the fascinating formations of the open spaces and the passages, nor the adrenalin-rush inspired by the view after being confined in a tunnel.  The eight year old, who regularly is reprimanded for being too rambunctious, was in a state of delight as he climbed up rocks, explored dark corners, and  got thoroughly dirty sliding through the tunnels.  As he hung from a tree branch, he declared this his favorite boonie stomp ever.
 

The 16 yr old loved the adventure, too.
Giant birds' nest fern really makes you feel like you are in Land of the Lost.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Finito!



FINALLY finished Anna Karenina after 6 or 8 weeks. I never had a long uninterrupted evening of reading, only time to consume short bits here and there, but I enjoyed reading it slowly, immersing myself in the world of late 19th century Russia, becoming friends with the characters, trying to discern Tolstoy’s view of the world and beyond.

After starting to lose interest early on, as I mentioned at Reading for Believers, I slogged on a bit, but once I got to the part where Levin and Kitty’s romance begins to bloom, I was fully immersed, committed.  I’m grateful that I did continue.  A couple weeks after finishing the book, I’m still thinking about my excursion to Russia 150 years ago, and finding similarities in the plot to events of today, although I remain foggy about the politics of Russia at this time.

My book is the translation by Constance Garnett, in 1960’s red heavy duty cloth  library binding with 8 illustrations of Tolstoy, his wife, Vivien Leigh and Greta Garbo as Anna, and St. Petersburg. It’s a book with physical heft to match its intellectual/moral weight.

Several days after finishing the book, I watched the movie with my neighbor who hadn’t read the book.  I think I prefer Vivien Leigh to Keira Knightley. Knightly seems too slight. I picture Anna as mature, having some voluptuousness about her, in contrast to Kitty’s petite youthfulness.  Garbo might even be closer, but it’s hard to tell from the images.  I also thought Vronsky looked way too much like a youthful Gene Wilder.  Not attractive.  Jude Law’s Karenin was better looking and more sympathetically played.

I didn’t realize the movie was filmed in a way to suggest the audience was viewing a play. It was an interesting device to move the audience between scenes at the beginning of the movie, but after awhile I found it distracting.  I wanted the distance between audience and characters bridged, but the interruptions caused by the filmmakers with the stage sets and behind the scenes images created more distance. When in an actual theater watching a play, the theater recedes to the background, but the film kept bringing the set into the viewers’ consciousness. I can guess at a variety of reasons for filming this way, having to cram an 800 page book into 2 hours being one.  Perhaps another might be to suggest the artistry of Tolstoy’s creation? At any rate, I tired of the intrusions of the filmmakers’ artistry, but not of Tolstoy’s, although I did find the shot of rejected Karenin viewed from behind staring at the footlights particularly affective.  (But seeing him reach into his little cabinet holding his silver boxed prophylactics was a turn-off, one of a few variations from the text.) I can’t find any sympathy in my heart for the campy horse race.  The film also failed to indicate the importance of Levin’s conversion. To be honest, I couldn’t understand very well what the old peasant was saying, even though my neighbor has a fancy hi-def TV with stereo surround sound set up.  Everything looks almost 3-D on it.

I can't help feeling that the ending of the novel and the conversion get slightly because it seems tacked on for balance. Should the book end with Anna’s death? I halfway think Levin’s conversion should take place before her fall, but then perhaps there wouldn’t be the message that life goes on for those left behind after death, which is a part of what Levin struggles with. Is there irony between bereft Vronsky going off to fight in the idealistic Servian war, while Levin, who finally grasps the significance of living for the good, for love of neighbor, not for the belly, stays behind to farm? Does his answer that he doesn't need to worry about other faiths satisfy his confusion about other religions or avoid it?  Does it suggest that faith only possible through a gift of vision?

 *******************************************************************
I typed up some favorite passages and was going to try to compose some coherent post, but time has escaped me, so I'm throwing up my notes and moving on:

Levin, is “a character that’s all of a piece” according to Oblonsky, the unfaithful husband of Dolly.  “You despise public official work because you want the reality to be invariably corresponding all the while with the aim – and that’s not how it is. You want a man’s work, too, always to have a defined aim, and love and family life always to be undivided – and that’s not how it is. All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow.” Levin makes all kinds of noble promises to himself on the way home from the city after being declined by Kitty  (102)

Anna convinces herself that she has nothing to be ashamed of after reading a romance novel. “It was distasteful to her to read, that is , to follow the reflection of other people’s lives. She had too great a desire to live herself.” She feels outside of herself.

Later, she refuses to listen to Alexey Alexandrovitch’s appeal to her love.  He admits his love for her: “I love you. But I am not speaking of myself; the most important persons in this matter are our son and yourself.” He looks away from her when she comes to bed. Is he sincere in his declaration of love? Or does he use her? Is she justified in betraying him?  “She both feared his speaking and wished for it. But he was silent.” He feels she is possessed by “the spirit of evil and deceit,” and he is caught in that spirit also.

A difference between the film and the book: after the consummation of their passion, the movie has Anna saying “murderer.” The book has Vronsky feeling like a murderer – “That body, robbed by him of life, was their love, the first stage of their love. There was something awful and revolting in the memory of what had been bought at this fearful price of shame. Shame at their spiritual nakedness crushed her and infect him. But in spite of all the murderer’s horror before the body of his victim, he must hack it to pieces, hide the body, must use what he has gained by his murder.”

Not pretty. Already happiness has fled – she never can find the moment of calm to articulate the “sense of shame, of rapture, and of horror at this stepping into a new life.” She dreams of having both Alexey’s as husbands – happy in the dream, but a nightmare when she awakes.

Vronsky becomes angry at meddlers, but he “felt in his soul that they, all these people were right.” He does not like lying and deceit, and he is haunted by loathing for himself, Alexandrovitch, and the whole world. He sees that Anna had pride and peace, if not happiness, before; now she has nothing. So he determines to run away.

Seryoshka cannot make out how to feel.  He is embarrassed around his mother and Vronsky at the summer villa, uncomfortable around his emotionally distant father, and distracted around his tutors. But was it right for Countess Lydia to lie to him about his mother being dead?

Kitty’s stay at the German spa – she learns to see outside of herself, although she feels some hypocrisy because the sick artist falls in love with her and makes his own wife miserable.

Dolly’s stay near Pokrovskoe – she has pleasure in her children. Levin admires them and feels comfortable around them. “All the same, she could not help saying to herself that she had charming children, all six of them in different ways, but a set of children such as is not often to be met with, and she was happy in them, and proud of them.” 290. The peasant women admire her healthy children.  Dolly is happier here in the country than in the town. But Levin has trouble believed Dolly that Kitty might change her mind. Then the children fight and Dolly loses her pleasure in them in front of Levin. He resolves not to speak French to his chilren and distort their nature.

Levin does not think of the peasants in broad terms; they are always changing – his brother Sergey thinks of the peasants with sympathy but doesn’t understand them.  He stereotypes. Levin recognizes self-interest as the mainspring of action; Sergey wants to think it is goodwill. But in the end Levin does come to see that goodwill towards his neighbor is necessary to find meaning in life. Yet Tolstoy seems to present Sergey in a way that makes the reader find him idealistically deluded.  Perhaps the key is that Levin KNOWS his neighbor – he feels goodwill towards the peasants because he works next to them. They are individual men, not a group of people.

Levin cuts hay well only when he loses self-consciousness. He envies the health and mirthfulness of the peasants – makes him feel alienated from the world and physical labor.   He sees that “ it was in his power to exchange the dreary, artificial, idle, and individualistic life he was leading for this laborious, pure, and social, delightful life.” He seeks to give over his old life and useless education and live more simply, but doesn’t know how. Waking, he sees the coach with Kitty drive by, and realizes that only marriage to her would bring meaning to his life. His love makes it impossible to live any other life.

Alexey Karenin resolves he is not to blame for Anna’s fall, so he cannot be unhappy.  HE has done nothing. So he thinks he is not unhappy, although his life is miserable.  Anna sees this goodness of his part as mean, driving her to worse ruin.  She cannot go on living in deceit. Vronsky had been living according to principles, but now they begin to crumble. He is in debt. He now has made Anna pregnant.  He has to give up his ambition.  He also walks away from what made him a man in order to try live with Anna.

Levin’s brother Nikolay’s visit puts Levin into thoughts of death.  Nikolay may not survive. Levin can only grasp at work as reason to live.

Meanwhile Vronsky has to entertain a visiting prince in St. Petersburg. Anna becomes jealous. She has changed morally and physically, and her face has “an evil expression of hatred that distorted it. He looked at her as a man looks at a faded flower he has gathered, with difficulty recognizing in it the beauty for which he picked and ruined it.”

Levin and Oblonsky meet and discuss the meaninglessness of life – Oblonsky sees it as justification for his immoral ways. Levin sees it as a source of peace even though not of charm. His ideas seem meaningless.

450 Levin and Kitty’s happiness: sweet.

Karenin forgives Anna completely as she is near death.  He resolves not to abandon her or reproach Vronsky.  He had “pity for her and remorse for having desired her death, and most of all, the joy of forgiveness, made him at once conscious, not simple of the relief of his own sufferings, but of a spiritual peace he had never experienced before. He suddenly felt that the very thing that was the source of his sufferings had become the source fo his spiritual joy: that what had seemed insoluble while he was judging, blaming, and hating, had become clear and simple when he forgave and loved.” But she could not stand the situation.  465 Vronsky nearly kills himself. She is sorry she didn’t die.

Finally V and A leave the country together and go to Italy. A feels she has shrugged off a drowning man in order to live. “Vronsky, meanwhile, in spite of the complete realization of what he had so long desired, was not perfectly happy. He soon felt that the realization of his desires gave him no more than a grain of sand out of the mountain of happiness he had expected. It showed him the mistake men make in picturing to themselves happiness as the realization of their desires.” – What grows in his heart is a desire for desires “ennui” (a kind of acedia?)

Kitty and Levin go to Nikolay in a provincial town. Levin can barely look at Nikolay’s emaciated body, but Kitty nurses him with kindness.  Levin is touched, and Nikolay dies with dignity.

Meanwhile, Karenin is tortured by his position. Lidia bosses him around and will not let Anna see Seryozha, Vronsky’s sisterinlaw won’t see Anna, even Countess Betsy won’t receive her with good company She sneaks to see Seryozha and is even more unhappy.

In Pokrovskoe, Kitty and Levin have their first argument/jealousy about Vassenka Veslovsky, the flirt. Levin takes a stand and makes him leave.  Dolly goes to see Anna and is tempted by her luxurious life, but she sees the unhappiness underneath them all.  Vronsky thinks a divorce will help and asks Darya to help convince Anna to ask for one.  Vronsky and Anna continue to quarrel about his absences. He refuses to give up his “masculine independence.” (710

Levin and Kitty go to Moscow for her lying in. He goes to political meetings out of curiosity.  Levin doesn’t follow it all and sees through the new nobility. One old fellow points out how a good gardener doesn’t cut down an old tree to make room for flower beds, but keeps it as center of his landscape, but the new nobles want to cut things down.  Levin goes to visit Anna one night while he is drunk, and is charmed by her to Kitty’s dismay, but he recognizes his fall.  Levin marvels at how quickly they run through money in town.

As time goes on, Anna cannot love her little girl. She sends for Vronsky when he has gone to his mothers, but when he doesn’t telegraph back she perceives rejection. She is taking morphine, as Princess Varvara notices.

As Kitty labors, Levin is thrown into fear. He realizes how much he loves her as she suffers “She was suffering, complaining, and triumphing in her sufferings, and rejoicing in them, and loving them. He saw that something sublime was being accomplished in her soul, but what?... It was beyond his understanding.” 778  It inspires him to pray, even though he has had doubts and has been a rationalist.  He rushes to the doctor and rushes about the house, but the labor goes on and on. Again “in spite of his long and, it as it seemed, complete alienation from religion, that he turned to God just as trustfully and simply as he had in his childhood and first youth.”   He cannot love the baby at fist, until he begins to recognize him, because he is another opportunity for pain. He has hurt his mother, and he is cause for attachment and suffering.

Anna’s mental state spirals downward. All is hateful. She goes to say goodbye to Dolly and sees Kitty and envies her.  She can’t tell of her misery because she chose it.  Is she saved at the moment when, after she missed the first carriage, she crosses herself? “That familiar gesture brought back into her soul a whole series of girlish and childish memories, and suddenly the darkness that had covered everything for her was torn apart, and life rose up before her for an instant with all its bright past joys. But she did not take her eyes from the wheels of the second carriage. And exactly at the moment when the space between the wheels came opposite her, she dropped the red bag, and drawing her head back into her shoulders, fell on her hands under the carriage, and lightly as though she would rise again at once, dropped onto her knees,  . . . [tries to rise up} ‘Lord, forgive me all!’ she said, feeling it impossible to struggle. … And the light by which she had read the book filled with troubles, falsehoods, sorrow, and evil, flared up more brightly than ever before, lighted up for her all that had been in  darkness, flickered, began to grow dim, and was quenched forever.” 844
begin pt. 8 – the eighth day

Why include this part about Sergey and the Servian wars? To show that Vronsky is off to sacrifice himself for a meaningless cause.  To show how people pity him. 

Levin still struggles with his “sense of terror at his lack of knowledge. . . .  part of a whole order of ideas, in which no knowledge of what he needed was possible.”  His doubts give him cause to fret and doubt. divided against himself.  Sees that some men still believe like Lvov and the old prince. And the scientific men give no explanation of his questions. And he believes from his prayers at his wife’s labor.   He reads materialists and finds no answer.  He even is close to suicide because he can’t find meaning to life and what to live for. He gives up questioning and goes back to the country.  “When he did not think, but simply lived, he was continually aware of the presence of an infallible judge in his soul. determining which of two possible courses of action was the better and which was the worse, and as soon as he did not act rightly, he was at once aware of it.” 869

What convicts him is hearing the peasant Platon praised “Fokanitch is a righteous man. He lives for his soul. He does not forget God.” – this is an inspiration to Levin.  He lives not for his own wants but for God. He sees them in a flash of light.  He looked for miracles in the past, but sees now that rational beings can only live for their bellies, while the religious man lives for truth, what is good.  “that knowledge cannot be explained by the reason – it is outside it, and has no causes and can have no effects.’ (873) – Faith has no cause and no effects, as Levin sees himself.  He doesn’t change automatically. And he went on living. Intellect and pride kept him from seeing the answer in his knowledge of good and evil, which is given to him.  “But loving one’s neighbor reason could never discover, because it’s irrational” (876 does this reflect on Karenin?) (on doctrines 878) He is impatient with his brother and bothered by his guests, but he does not let go of his faith.  In conversation about the war, he sees that many see the cause, but not the people who will die. He also comments how the will of the people” often neglects the millions who don’t have an opinion (the peasants.). Public opinion cannot be guide for right and wrong.

Kitty calls Levin in to see the baby. He thinks of telling her but is still working out his new faith. He wonders about other religions – is truth confined to Christianity?  He realizes how much he loves her, especially after the threat of the storm. “I am questioning the relation to Divinity of all the different religions of all mankind. I am questioning the universal manifestation of God to all the world with all those misty blurs. What am I about? To me individually, to my heart has been revealed a knowledge beyond all doubt, and unattainable by reason, and here I am obstinately trying to express that knowledge in reason and words…(896)” He thinks about stars and rotation . . . “just as the conclusions of the astronomers would have been vain and uncertain if not founded on observations of the seen heavens, in relation to a single meridian and a single horizon, so would my conclusions be vain and uncertain if not founded on that conception of right, which has been and will be always alike for all men, which has been revealed to me as a Christian, and which can always be trusted in my soul. The question of other religions and their relations to Divinity I have no right to decide, and no possibility of deciding.” “This new feeling has not changed me, has not made me happy and enlightened all of a sudden, as I had dreamed, just like the felling for my child. There was no surprise in this either. Faith – or not faith – I don’t know what it is – but this feeling has come just as imperceptibly through suffering and has taken firm root in my soul. . . I shall go on. .. losing my temper… scolding her, expressing my opinions tactlessly . . . but my life now, my whole life apart from anything that can happen to me, every minute of it is no more meaningless, as it was before, but it has the positive meaning of goodness, which I have the power to put into it.” 897
finis

Anna and Vronsky didn’t live for goodness but sought happiness in selfish indulgence. They saw no reason to suffer or sacrifice their desires, but when they threw away the things that gave them meaning (son and work) they destroyed themselves.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

News from the other side of the world

Woke up to the exciting news about the election of Pope Francis!  Called my mom and dad to share in their excitement.  Spent more time than I care to admit searching the internet and watching tv rebroadcasts all saying the same thing - "We don't know much about this guy."  I'm looking forward to reading more of what Pope Francis has said and written in the past.  After two scholarly popes, I wonder what Pope Francis' gift will be. Can I still get the indulgence from the Papal Blessing if I watched it several hours after it happened? The protodeacon did say it was available to users of new media. . .  I thought the conclave might last a little longer, but a quick election seems to say that this was the obvious choice.

So Viva il Papa!  May he lead the Church well.

Monday, March 4, 2013

The joys of hospitality

View of Orote Peninsula from overlook
As I mentioned a couple posts back, we had a visit from family.  All the cleaning paid off in a delightful visit over two weeks with my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and their two girls. They came to escape New England’s arctic weather, as well as to catch up on cousin bonding time. Both goals were achieved.  Although I had a list of potential excursions planned, we spent most of the time at the beach, soaking up sunshine in between snorkels and dives, or sitting around the table with a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, depending on the hour, soaking up good conversation while the kids played happily.  

The cousins’ visit reminded us of how blessed we are to have family with whom we love spending time.  They were easy guests – they cook and clean – and the kids get along well together. We might have heard some whining, but no angry voices. Cousins are one of God's best inventions. (Remembering this Anthony Esolen essay from Touchstone.) 

Instead of going to all of our weekly events and practices, we took time off to make delicious meals and to sit around on the front porch while the kids ripsticked into the sunset. We did share some of our regularly scheduled activities, but scaled back to savour our time with the cousins. We also fit in outings to the waterpark, the jungle river “cruise,” and Cocos Island “resort.”  Don’t let the names of these places fill your mind with glamorous destinations: the waterpark is a few slides at a hotel, the cruise is on an old flatbottomed boat, and the resort is a few concrete buildings on a small island just off the coast of Guam where you can rent jet-skis and ride banana boats, although the kids mostly wanted to play in the pool.
Ferry to Cocos Island
Kawai! Posing with tourists.
And their trip also gave us a chance to do a few things we hadn’t done: paddleboard to Turtle Rock, do a boat dive to the Seabee junkyard, eat at a couple of recommended restaurants.


Playing in the ditch

We were glad of overcast skies this day because our fairskinned
relatives of the north were beginning to blister.



Pictoglyphs at Gadao's cave. They seemed fresh to me, but apparently
are Spanish era - a few hundred years.

The famous watering hole, Jeff's Pirates Cove

Examining Noah's ark plants growing into limestone at a recreated village

Learning to make fire with ironwood and coconut fiber

The boonie pup did not come home with us.

Seaside dining

Attended a couple rugby games. That's my kid in yellow getting hoisted to catch.

And watched more than one soccer game.



Celebrated another Eagle ceremony

Two of them
As cub scouts

And had a birthday party for a Pokemon fan. Good thing they are so easy to draw.
Big John with Kika at Ft. Soledad
Visiting these places with a tourist’s eyes again opened my heart to melancholy as our own departure date nears. Since our company left, I’ve been wandering around the house in a daze, intending to attack projects that have been neglected, but instead I browse through the internet catching up on news or flip through the stack of mail I’ve ignored, numbly adding to my to-do list.  (To procrastinate more, I’m sharing some photos of their visit.)  On the list of things to do three months out is to set our pack-out date, to let housing know we’re leaving, to fill out the forms for early release from school (no big deal since DOD schools may have days cut because of sequestration). Still haven’t decided about school in California. Still haven’t decided whether to live on base or out in town.
Waterpark fun
Also on my to-do list: a number of hikes, a couple more dives, more paddle boarding, more sunsets, more evening walks, more days on the beach.

Also: take leave of our neighbors, our jobs, the chapel community, the scout troop, home schooling friends.

Moving on again.

Oh no, now I’m getting sad. I’m supposed to be reflecting on our great weeks with family. They kept reminding us how wonderful this place is. The kids, especially the older boys, are so happy here with their friends and activities.  The ocean is so beautiful.  Sunsets are breathtaking.  Life is so easy here.
View of Inarajan hills
Sunset over the rugby field.
Meanwhile, the girls have come up with an itunes playlist they call “Home songs.”  It started with the Olympic gymnastics theme song by Phillip Phillips, but they added “The House that Built Me” by Miranda Lambert and “Temporary Home” by Carrie Underwood.  (Also "This Land is Your Land” and a reggae version of “Take Me Home, Country Roads” and Tim Hawkins’ “Homeschool Family.”) I have to admit these songs make me feel a bit maudlin.

It’s all temporary. We're all just passing through on our way home. It's a beautiful journey.
Sunset over the neighbor's house.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Arrivederci, auf weidersehen, adios, faretheewell

Last night during our rosary, my husband started to pray, as we usually do, "for the Pope's intentions." That's when it really set in - Sede vacante!

Of course we do still pray for Pope Emeritus Benedict's intentions and for him and with him and all the church. We miss him already.

We only watched news clips online of the farewell address and the events surrounding. What I loved about the clips was how positive all the people in Rome seemed. The newscasters asked some foreboding questions about what's next for the church, but the young people they interviewed (and George Weigel) all had positive things to say.

Perhaps the key to avoiding a sense of doom in these coming days is to stay in touch with the young people on the street and stay away from journalists

Praying during the Pope's last hour.  From The Guardian

More great photos of young people on the Wall Street Journal page, "Auf Weidersehen." 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Lent at Last


I’ve been scouring the house top to bottom. Good practice for Lent: Being clean on the outside aids in being clean on the inside.  I’ve reorganized all the closets, folded all the laundry, and scrubbed the bathroom tile grout on my hands and knees with steel wool and Comet. Books are reshelved, magazines recycled, trash removed.  The disaster known as the garage remains to be organized – as it has since the day the movers piled up the miscellaneous wood scraps and useless, placeless paraphernalia of life that we never get around to throwing away because it might come in handy.  After straightening the garage, I am even thinking of pulling up the sleeping grass.  That job just takes too much time.  But it is penitential, so maybe one day in the next six weeks, I’ll tackle it as a form of mortification.

I’d like to say I’m doing this cleaning as preparation for the holy season ahead, but my motivation is company from the mainland. We’ll have siblings and nieces here for 2 weeks. The house is brimming with anticipation.  We have made a list of things to show the fam and have an instructor lined up to teach them to scuba dive along with our 10 year old daughter. (Which makes me incredibly nervous – I just keep reminding myself that she can’t go deeper than 40 feet.)

Now we just have to hope that it doesn’t rain too much and that the rumor of the best beach closing because of a ship offloading ammunition is just a rumor and that the sea turtles don’t all hide and that the water is not too choppy or too murky and that no one gets sick.

While we’re thrilled that family is coming to visit, I’m also afraid that they’ll be disappointed with our home and this island that we’ve grown to love so much.  When we first arrived, I was depressed by the sort of run-down feel of the place and the lack of tropical blooms. I was anticipating the postcard picture of a tropical island: clean, white beaches, frangipangi and plumeria scenting the air, waveless turquoise seas. 

You could set that picture up on Guam, but outside the frame would be discarded cans, rhinoceros beetle scarred coconut trees, rusty cars, mildew-marred buildings. 

On top of that, we woke yesterday morning to this sad news:  The peacefulness of the island was scarred by a deranged attack in the downtown area by a mentally disturbed guy wielding a knife. At least 2 people were killed – perhaps when his car ran up on the sidewalk – and 12 injured. Reports are contradictory at this point: one says 3 people died and 11 were injured.  It sounds like most or all were Japanese tourists, so not only are people who live here horrified, so is the international tourist community.

This island has very little history of violent crime. An event like this is stunning. The assailant is in custody, but no motive has been released.  No one is safe from senseless violence.

In reality, Guam is not postcard perfect, but what place is?  The other part of the picture that the frame doesn’t show are the great neighbors, the respect for family, the amazing world underwater, the remote waterfalls, the unhurried pace of life that make living here wonderful. Our visiting family may not be able to see all of that in their first glance at the island, but we hope that when they head home in two weeks, they will have discovered it – and feel like the price of their tickets was justified.

So we head into Lent with the sorrow at the Pope’s announcement and the deaths of all those people downtown, but also with joyful anticipation of sharing the things we’re grateful for with our family.  I haven’t thought as much about what we’ll DO for Lent as how I’m happy to have the season to remind me to focus on basics. Like usual, we’ll give up sweets and alcohol, but I don’t want to force my penance on our company, so we’ll have wine and dessert more nights than usual, and I’ll just offer up something else (most likely I’ll have to work on letting go of my plans – always a struggle for me). With company here, it will be easy to fast a bit from the internet. I’d like to work more on being more charitable – both in my heart and in my pocketbook.  I’d also like to do some spiritual reading, but I’m not sure what yet; I’m still slowly consuming Anna Karenina, with more delight than I began it. In many ways, it is spiritual reading.  As for prayer, this year I think I’ll focus more on intentions – so many people are in need, and I need to remember to be grateful and to reach out, even if only in prayer.

I think I’ll find the gratitude part easy these next couple of weeks.

And to close, two passages from Pope Benedict's last Ash Wednesday as Pope that remind us of our communion in Christ and our duty to seek and serve the Lord:

This "return to me with all your heart," then, is a reminder that not only involves the individual but the entire community. Again we heard in the first reading: "Blow the horn in Zion! Proclaim a fast, call an assembly! Gather the people, sanctify the congregation; Assemble the elderly; gather the children, even infants nursing at the breast; Let the bridegroom leave his room, and the bride her bridal tent (vv.15-16). The community dimension is an essential element in faith and Christian life. Christ came "to gather the children of God who are scattered into one" (Jn 11:52). The "we" of the Church is the community in which Jesus brings us together (cf. Jn 12:32), faith is necessarily ecclesial. And it is important to remember and to live this during Lent: each person must be aware that the penitential journey cannot be faced alone, but together with many brothers and sisters in the Church.
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In the Gospel passage according of Matthew, to whom belongs to the so-called Sermon on the Mount, Jesus refers to three fundamental practices required by the Mosaic Law: almsgiving, prayer and fasting. These are also traditional indications on the Lenten journey to respond to the invitation to «return to God with all your heart." But he points out that both the quality and the truth of our relationship with God is what qualifies the authenticity of every religious act. For this reason he denounces religious hypocrisy, a behaviour that seeks applause and approval. The true disciple does not serve himself or the "public", but his Lord, in simplicity and generosity: "And your Father who sees everything in secret will reward you" (Mt 6,4.6.18). Our fitness will always be more effective the less we seek our own glory and the more we are aware that the reward of the righteous is God Himself, to be united to Him, here, on a journey of faith, and at the end of life, in the peace light of coming face to face with Him forever (cf. 1 Cor 13:12).

Monday, February 11, 2013

Surprising news

My husband announced the news about the Pope's resignation about an hour ago. Since then, I've been reading news article after news article searching for more information.  All the articles say the same thing. They all quote his official statement at the consistory and remark how this is the first pope to resign since the 1400's.

I wonder if I have missed something. Has there been conjecture about the Pope's failing health previous to this announcement? Has he been suffering more than most 85 year olds? Am I just out of touch with the news? It's no surprise that the Pope is worn-out; it's just surprising that this Pope, who has seemed so unshakable, should fold.

My cynical side is afraid that some scandal is going to be unearthed.  Ash Wednesday is nearly upon us, and perhaps it will bring more real suffering, not just self-imposed penances.  The focus of prayer for the season is obvious: pray for the Pope and for the Church.  This Lent will surely bring opportunities to examine our faith and our consciences.
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
-Lemony Snicket