Working

A couple of days ago, the local public broadcasting radio show had the call-in question, "Do you think children turn out better when one parent stays home?" I wanted to call in and say what a stupid question, but refrained, assuming they were hoping to raise hackles to lure in callers (similar to discussions about marriage.)

As a stay-at-home mother, I don't want the pressure of having to prove my kids are "better." First of all, what is a "better" kid? How many stay-at-home moms have kids who have issues? My own, for starters. Did I originally stay home because I believed it would be better for my kids? Sure. And because, as a liberal arts major, I didn't have any really great financial prospects. I had high-minded ideals about marriage and family, and still have ideals, but also am learning to live with a reality that is quite different from what I imagined.

From time to time I have taken low-paying jobs for the satisfaction of having a job. And perhaps out of pride, which was damaged once when I ran into a professor, whose decidedly dull "oh" in response to my answer that I was staying home with kids, cut deeply. I also was disappointed to lose out on a community college teaching job this fall when classes were cut, even though I was in a tizzy trying to arrange babysitting for my 3 yr old.

So yesterday I subbed at my son's high school. I loved meeting his classmates, I enjoy being around kids that age, and I like standing up in front of a class asking questions and telling kids what to think (or sitting behind a computer . . . ). But it was painful to get my own kids up extra early, drop the 3 yr old at the institutional day care center on base, drop off younger kids at friends' house for a ride to school, and drive to older's school, and then run the route backwards on the way home. And I was so tired at the end of the day that I drank coffee and stayed up way too late reading blogs.

But I did take a little extra time to sit and read stories to the youngers after the running around was over. Whereas sometimes when I'm home, I let them go do their own thing more than I engage with them. Instead of playing with them, I clean, cook, fiddle with paperwork, work on volunteer duties, etc.

So I feel like defending working moms. But after my brief day of work yesterday, I don't know how they do it all without fizzling. Then again, I don't know how some stay at home moms do all they do - I admit to experiencing a twinge of envy/awe when reading some blogs. Heck, I fizzled out from home schooling. More on that later.

No perfect answer, no perfect kids. More indication that despite breeding, bearing, and bringing them up, I have no control over their souls.

(All I had to do yesterday was show "The Fellowship of the Ring" and pass out a worksheet. A line, straight from the book, stood out: when Frodo wishes that none of this had happened, Gandalf's voice says, "And so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for you to decide. All you have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to you." A good reminder to redeem the time we have, at home or away...